A LITTLE HOUSEKEEPING ON MESSAGE BOARD POSTS
1. My tooth is great. The pus pocket above the nerve is not. But thanks to everyone for your concern. I will survive.
2. Loving my Straight Guys #1, #2 and #3, Lawyer John and Scott. You guys bring a certain perspective to the message board that is beautiful to read. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
3. Will not recap any other shows. Thanks…but one is more than enough.
4. According to the message boards, I am “priceless, wicked genius, brilliant, funnier than hysterical, hilarious and someone’s hero.” I’ve made people cry, laugh and pee their pants. It’s a gift.
5. Note to self: Paris has Pringles.
6. Who wants to know if I work for W3?
7. Long live stroller pushing soccer Moms!
8. How to pronounce my name: Lynn-see. Variation of Lindsay or Lindsey. Was once called Lean-key at my 4th grade citizen bee award ceremony. Traumatized forever. That quickly turned into Slinky. Shortened to Slink. To this day dear friend Julie still calls me that.
9. I already have an agent, publicist, manager and errand boy (get me a DP BFF Paul…)
10. Not going to be wearing a pink hard hat on national TV.
11. Who graduated with Chris Harrison?
12. KP from OKC keeping it real on the SOUTH SIDE!
ON WITH THE RECAP!
So I was talking to Chris Harrison the other day and I said, “Chris Harrison. The world wants to know. Why does ABC cut out all your funny lines? We know you are witty…charming…full of laughs. Why would ABC do this to America’s favorite host?” Chris Harrison responds, “It’s the name of the game Slink. It’s the biz. Stick with me kid…and you’ll go far.”
Paul. You’ve been bumped. My new #1 BFF is Chris Harrison. You can be my #2 BFF. Peace homey.
Anyway, Chris Harrison and I were talking about the Women Tell All reunion show taping in February. “Chris Harrison,” I said. “Would it be too much for national TV to wear my pink hart hat on the show while I’m in the audience because you invited me to come watch the uncomfortable moments in person?” Chris Harrison replies, “I think the pink my clash with Red’s hair. Better stick to something less obvious.”
Chris Harrison. Looking out for his BFF. What a classy guy. YOU’RE MY BOY!
There you have it! I’m going to LA.
More about that when I know more about that.
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. If this e-mail circulates to friends, family, enemies...that is your business. However, if you or someone in your address book happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying tofu or have a nail technician that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the
show...none of this is personal and I'm sure they are all lovely people.
Website count: 42,388
As I sat on my couch last night with my green marker and printer paper in hand, ready to take notes, one question kept running through my mind.
Why on Earth is the Bachelor coming on an hour later than normal this season? Geez! I’m fighting to just stay awake at the 9:00 hour. How am I supposed to be alert?
But ABC helped me out last night. Within the first six minutes, we had ACTION, DRAMA, TEARS, FAKE SMILES, GASPS and a breakdown from Mowana. That’s what I’m talking about!
Chris Harrison (did I tell you we spoke?) welcomes the girls into the living room. Already, I have something to say. Props to Susan for the Belize t-shirt “shout-out” to Bachelor Bob’s fiancé. Can’t remember her name right now. You better Belize that I don’t care.
Chris Harrison tells the girls that two special guests will be choosing who goes on the two one-on-one dates with McHottie. Who will it be? Susan is nervous. Gee-hand smiles. Nashville smoothes her hair. Student/Stoner Sarah hides her stash. Mowana yawns and the ABC intern punches Red to wake up and pops a Listerine strip in her mouth.
Drum roll please. . .
In walks Bikini Model Jenn and Shiloh (who?).
Cut to McHottie. He is so happy that Jenn and Who? have come back to help him pick the one-on-one dates. He trusts their judgment SO MUCH that he kicks them off and then asks them to help narrow down the possibilities for his future wife. How awesome! How amazing! I totally feel the connection.
Within minutes, claws are out. Jenn is in charge. She is happy to take on the task and puts all bitter feelings aside. There is no way she would ask uncomfortable questions. It’s going to be completely fair and just.
First up…Nashville
Jenn: “Do you see yourself with McHottie?”
Who?: “Yeah…”
Nashville: “Yes I do. I think we are the same.”
We get it Nashville. You are both from Nashville. Newsflash…there is more to a good relationship that geography.
Next…Gee-hand
Jenn: “You seem to play it safe. When are you going to open up and let us see who the real Gee-hand is? Are you hiding something? Do you have a big dark secret? Is there something you aren’t telling the fellow girls since you’ve been living with them for six days?”
Who?” “Yeah…”
G: “I like grapes.”
Bless Gee-hand’s heart.
Then…Student/Stoner Sarah
Jenn: “We are concerned about your age. My birthday is four months before yours, so as an older person, can I please give you some advice? Stop rolling that joint and answer me!”
Who?: “What she said…”
Student/Stoner Sarah: “Anyone have a lighter? Match maybe?”
Also…Red
Jenn: “Can you please explain why you are always drunk?”
Who?: “Can you?”
Red: “Hey…I’m young. What else do you expect me to do? (hiccups) Our boyfriend likes to drink…(hiccups) so I’m going to drink. Our boyfriend likes to party. So I’m going to party. (hiccups) Hey…I’m young.”
Who could forget…Susan
Jenn: “So you are an aspiring actress. Actresses just can’t go off and marry doctors. I mean really Susan.”
Who?: “Seriously.”
Susan: “As candidate for this position of the possible fiancé of Dr. McHottie, I would just like to say that I would be the perfect Mrs. Stork. I can cook, clean, recite Shakespeare and make almost all of my marks. I love Young & the Restless and could easily see myself replacing Sharon in upcoming episodes. I have a degree in Drama from the Overland Park Community College and was in two commercials before the age of four. We are perfect for each other. I’d also like to thank ABC for giving me this opportunity to be a part of such a wonderful cast. Thank you. THANK YOU!
And finally…Mowana
Jenn: “I’ve been kicked off. I’m going to go ahead and say it. YOU DON’T BELONG HERE. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO GET A ROSE. I’M AMAZED YOU’VE MADE IT THIS FAR. TELL ME YOUR SECRET. I’M GOING ON THE AMAZING RACE NEXT WEEK AND NEED SOME TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE. C’MON MO…WHAT ARE YOU REALLY FEELING?”
Who?: (too scared to talk)
Mowana: “Are you trying to intimidate me? Did you rub my lamp? I’ll have you sleeping with the fishes if you don’t BACK OFF Bikini. Listen here, I have intense feelings going on (sniffs) and I’m not sure (rubs eyes) what is going on in my heart (slow tear falls down left cheek) and what is going on in my head.
And then an official melt down. Right here ladies and gentleman. Mowana is crying. Could it be that she does have feelings? Or is this a part of her plot to get the man and claim the trophy? Stay tuned…
One-on-One
Gee-hand
Dr. McHottie decides to take Gee-hand to the Eiffel Tower. Great. We haven’t seen THAT at least two times per episode. Did ABC rent the thing out for a few weeks or something? They are shopping. Bread, wine, cheese. Notice the random baguette guy walking the streets. Oh…there’s another one. Oh…and another. Yes. Holding a baguette makes you officially in the city of Paris. It’s probably some sound stage in Burbank. Poor intern having to run to Central Market or Whole Foods every nine seconds to replace the baguette basket. YOU GO INTERN!
Then McHottie searches for the PERFECT gift to give Gee-hand. What would every woman want to remember their time in Paris? (Yo Stork…how about a rose at the end of this thing?) Nope. McHottie picks an Eiffel Tower necklace and proudly presents it to G at the foot of the Tower. Her reaction? “This is so cute.” (Ouch) “Cool!” (Doh!) “Awesome!” (That’s gotta hurt.)
Unofficial count of how many times the word amazing was used on this date: 27
It is at this point the Gee-hand decides to share with him a big secret that she’s been keeping. She wanted him to know before the girls. It’s really bad so we have to drag it out. Seriously. This is big news. I mean big. So huge that ABC had to tease it 12 times in order for us to finally know that it’s probably not a big deal. But we then questions ourselves thinking, “It can’t be that bad.” Then we play games asking ourselves, “What could it be?” and laugh at what comes to mind.
1. She’s gay.
2. She has an evil twin.
3. She used to be a man.
4. She wants to be a man.
5. She used to weight 800 pounds and was in the Guinness Book of World Records
6. Her stomach is boiling and she needs to find the toilettes
The moment finally comes when G admits that she’s been married before. Guy tricked her into getting a green card.
That’s it? That’s the big surprise? Surely not.
But yes. McHottie has issues with this and admits he never saw himself marrying a divorced woman. But he decides that he can bend all the ABC rules of The Bachelor and NOT give her a rose, but send her back to the house anyway. That way, he can LOOK like he’s a nice guy to give her more time, but really knows that she is on the next flight to USA. What a man!
Group Date
Red, Mowana, Susan, Student/Stoner Sarah
McHottie decides to recreate his own little version of the Tour Day France. Yes, yes. You are reading that correctly. Tour DAY France. Insert joke here.
The girls are in head to toe spandex in array of colors from the upcoming Spring line. They also were forced to wear dork helmets. They bike along, Dr. McHottie screaming, “LOOK! NO HANDS!”
McHottie says that there is NO ROSE on this date. Sighs of relief from the girls. But then he announces a competition. The girl who crosses the finish line first will get alone time with him.
Mowana announces that the game is ON! She is competitive and will win. Which she does. She and Red cross the finish line with high fives from Stork. He is impressed. Ten minutes go by and they’ve had a baguette, wine and some cheese. Susan and Student/Stoner are nowhere to be found. They take a dip in the pool. Still no Susan or Stoner. About 30 minutes later, the girls arrive huffing and puffing. Literally. That was the funniest part of the show.
Since Mo wins the race, they go off to an intimate massage together. McHottie feels they have a connection as he eyes half of her squished boob and her stripper tat the size of Wyoming on her lower back. She playfully asks, “Why did you give me a rose?” He answers, “How could I not give you a rose. I’d be crazy. Are you serious?”
Bow-chica-bow-wow.
Bow-chica-bow-wow
“I need to know who you are,” Dr. McHottie pleads. “But only when you are ready.”
“Oh, I’m ready,” declares Mowana. “You give me the freedom to just be me. And I thank you.”
I had to seriously check to see A.) if I had accidentally switched the channel to Cinemax or B.) wonder if I’m watching a KY Warming Massage Oil Gel commercial. We border-lined soft porn. If you listen closely, you can vaguely here Dave Matthews “Crash” or “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye. I’m not sure.
Meanwhile, our other friends are hanging out in the pool, when they realize, if they hold their breath REALLY LONG they can spy on Mo and Stork by looking through a super secret window at the bottom of the pool. Student/Stoner Sarah is determined to look 18 times. We see her butt bob in and out of the water several times. Red is too busy filling up at the bar and Susan is in the corner trying to memorize her lines for her next date with McHottie.
Second one-on-one date
Nashville
After removing the ginormous Velcro rollers from her hair, McHottie takes Nashville to have their portrait done by some weird Parisian who Nashville claims looks like a mad scientist. The portrait resembles something I did in Mrs. Davis’ 8th grade art class when she taught us how to draw eye balls and noses. Go back to Six Flags dude.
We interrupt this date to take you back to the house. Something is going down. Red, Stoner, Susan and G are all talking smack about Mowana. Luckily, the ABC intern was able to track her down and coax her to put her water bottle on the stairs and listen through the open door at the horrendous accusations be made.
Hi. Dumb girls? It’s me. Lincee. Did none of you learn at a young age…say four or five…when your sister told you to sneak down to the kitchen to get some cookies or Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies that there should always be a look out? ROOKIE MISTAKE! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!
The girls talk about how unstable, unhappy, strange, weird, odd, unsocial Mowana is. Red declares that she would vomit if Mo was picked before her.
Hi. Red? It’s me. Lincee. Should you vomit at the rose ceremony, it would be due to the large intake of alcohol. Not your insane jealousy of Mo. Walk it off Red. Walk it off. Can I get some coffee over here?
Mowana enters the room and dares any of the girls to take a walk in her shoes and fur-hooded parka. “PARDEN ME FOR HAVING A HEART” she cries. “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY CHARACTER!”
Back to Nashville and Dr. McHottie.
Stork says that he does not have any concerns when it comes to Nashville. He feels good that she is a Kindergarten teacher and she has surpassed all his expectations.
Nice editing ABC. We can all tell that they, according to McHottie, have a “connection.” Sure. Could we see some of that connection one of these days? You can’t trick us. We are way smarter than you think.
In true adolescent fashion, Dr. McHottie says to Nashville, “You have to go home. But take me with you! GOT YOU! HA HA HA.”
It’s a big day for McHottie. He has to send two girls home. He decides to hop on his bike…luckily, he brought a whole duffle bag full of bandanas and he does not have to duplicate the same one he wore on the Tour Day France. He rides over to the girls’ house and knocks on the door.
Everyone, except Mowana, gathers around the table and drink large bottles of water. McHottie takes each girl for some one-on-one time, beginning with Student/Stoner Sarah.
I don’t know what they said because I muted the TV. But I did notice she grabbed his butt as they were going back inside the house.
He takes G aside and tells her he “appreciates” her being honest with him.
Hi. American Airlines? It’s Lincee. We need one ticket back to Chicago.” Thanks for playing. It’s been real.
McHottie soon finds Mowana on the floor in the den writing in her diary. She confides that she had a rough night in the house and that she is the black sheep of the group. The girls were mean to her. Then she pours her psycho heart out to our Bachelor.
“I am forever changed and grateful for you McHottie. I didn’t feel scared the other day (read in a whisper) to just…let…go.”
Choose your favorite Celine Dion hit to play in the background during this pathetic emotional “connection” with Mo and McIdiot-If-He-Picks-Her:
“Near. Far. Wherever you are. I believe that the heart will go on. Once more. You open the door. You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on.”
“Cuz I’m your lady. And you are my man. Whenever you reach for me. I’ll do all that I can. We’re headed for something. Somewhere I’ve never been. Sometimes I am frightened but I’m ready to learn. For the power of love.”
“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful boy.”
Rose Ceremony
Chris Harrison (great tie dude) comes in and tells the ladies that there will be no pre-party. It is at THIS point that Red’s mouth flies open in shock. Unfortunately, ABC edited the tape to look like she was in shock when Mowana’s name was called for a rose instead of hers.
Dr. McHottie tells each Bachelorette that she is unique and beautiful in her own way. But he is going with his feelings tonight. (Way to go man!) Each has left an impression on his life and he thanks them.
Student/Stoner Sarah
Susan
Mowana
Red goes up to McHottie and says that “someone is fooling you” and to watch out. Funny that the exact same audio was played over a previous rose ceremony to tease us the commercial before. You are not fooling anyone ABC. We are ON to you and your tricks.
The show ends with an outtake of McHottie asking the women from the Tour Day France if they like French food. Deer in the headlights. What do we say? Do we answer honestly? Is this a trick question?
Stoner replies, “I hate it.”
Susan looks for her mark, smiles at the camera and says she loves French food and is broken-hearted when Stork agrees with Stoner.
As a special treat, he unveils McDonald hamburgers for EVERYONE!
Stoner mews out a, ‘Swwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeetttttt dude.”
Susan refuses because she is watching her figure.
Red doesn’t want to kill her buzz with food and Mo is off in a corner sulking about something irrelevant.
Classic television ladies and gentlemen (all four of you.) Classic.
Count up to 44,931. Simply stunning. You guys rock!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
About Me
- Lincee
- My older sister taught me at a young age to say the ABCs, so when it was time to learn them in school, I memorized them backwards, and it has been my "stupid human trick" since I was five years old. I can also talk like I’m stuck in a closet.
295 comments:
1 – 200 of 295 Newer› Newest»Another one for the books, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks Lincee for your humor!!! We all love it!
Lincee! I can't WAIT to see you on the show!!!
Love you - mean it. Keep it up and maybe one day you'll make it to Oprah. Who knew a simple email strand would turn into a website, then into an apperance on the Bachelor 23 Women tell all sshow, then onto Oprah and then a book - which turns into a movie staring Jennifer Aniston as you...Wait...I'm getting ahead of myself.
Hey Slink- I need some help here. My hubby and I have names for the girls that are left... Sarah Nashville is "Debutante", Sarah Canada is "Wooderson" (from "Dazed and Confused" no less), Moana is "Mulan"... but we can't think of anything good for Susan. I thought you'd be just the girl to ask. Ideas??
Thanks for your recaps. They make my Tuesdays! Oh, and tell me it's true that you're going to the 'girls tell all' taping next month. WAHOO!
Is it bad that I sit through this crappy show just so I can read Lincee's recap the next day?
Brilliant recap this week!
almost spit out my sandwich over this one - too funny - the tour day france - i knew when he said it last night that it would make the recap - the ky oil was classic - you go girl
second favorite part of the recap - reading everyone else's comments!
Lincee, thanks for the shout out. With 45000 people reading I feel really special to get one. Awesome that you are going to be on the show. Congrats.
totally agree - the ginormous back tatt has GOT to go! Mowana is so not classy enough for McHottie!
C in Ohio - what about Tyra or Cindy Crawford for Susan's name?
LA could use some good Texas representation. And, we'll need a recap from the Tell All show, of course.
I second that the recaps make my Tuesdays. What a Hoot!
Thanks, Lincee!
Lincee - you absolutely rock! Can't wait to see you on the Women Tell All!!!!
Okay, did I miss something? Did you seriously talk to Chris Harrison or was that just joking around?
These are too funny! When the Bachelor with Byron and Mary was on, I met him in Las Vegas and told him about your weekly e-mails. He gave me his e-mail address so every week I fowarded the re-cap to Bachelor Byron! Who knows who else receives it?
I knew you would find fame! Your writing rocks. See if Chris H can hook you up on Jimmy Kimmel after the Live Recap show - you are going to be a star!
Are you thinking he picks Nashville?
Seriously the best part of my Tuesday..... and my co-workers know when it's posted because I am at my desk laughing my a#@ off. I can't wait to see you on the Women Tell All episode. Don't forget your pillow to hide behind, since I am sure they will embarass themselves (and us).
By the way.... did anyone else notice the rose in Red's hand on the preview when she is hugging McHottie?........ oh ABC and their trickery
-allison from AR
Great recap as always! I agree what is with Moana's tramp stamp on the back. It is huge. Does he really want that showing off at the Doctor's pool party? I think ahe's done after next week.
I have the perfect nickname for Susan.... Lucci. In honor of the worst actress in history.
Lincee - keep up the awesome work. Keep us posted on the trip to LA!!
Oh, that one was worth the wait! (I've been to this website 4 times earlier today looking for last night's recap.). Couple things - here in GA, Nashville just looks too much like the Runaway Bride - got those Crazy Eyes going. Love that you talked with Chris Harrison - can't wait for the show! And, thanks for the shout out to the stroller pushin' Moms. Nice to know I'm not the only one not growing up!
Keep up the great work!
I always call Susan "Eyebrows", because they are just too perfectly groomed. It's like she spends a lot of time on them daily.
Great recap! I'm starting to think Sarah from Nashville's going to win, but now that I've seen she quit her job to be on the Bachelor, I'm not sure. The drama!!! Thanks for the recap Lincee! Can't wait for you to go to the Women Tell All!
Can't wait to see you on TV !!!! Love it !
NYC LOVES you!!!
Loved the entry, except that you left off the BEST line of the show. When Moana beat Tara, McHottie says to Red, "wow, I thought you were going to pass Mo right there at the end." To which, Mo immediately answers, dead serious, "No, I saw her in my shadow." Which was hysterically funny b/c I don't think it's possible to see things in people's shadows, and McHottie was so freaked out, he couldn't respond.
Lincee-I checked all morning for your recap...I know, sad isn't it. But girl, you have got it going on! I can officially say I am no longer skeptical about Chris H. Can't wait for next Tuesday already and cograts on the invite to the reunion show!
It's a good thing that I don't have a camera attached to my computer as I am sitting here in a towel, dripping wet, and hysterically howling from your latest recap. (I finally got a chance to jump into the shower after playing with the munchkins all morning.) Thank you Lincee for making Tuesdays more than just "Prince Spaghetti Night" and for helping this semi-Desperate Housewife have her chuckles for the day. A shout-out goes to Paul for even though you have been transitioned to BFF#2, we still love you. And to Chris, aka Nouveau BFF#1, (at least there are some of us who know a little French!), take good care of our girl in LA. We're expecting her to get the real inside scoop!
Tour Day France. Love it. I actually laughed when he said that, b/c I imagined you writing that down in your notes for the recap. Hope you have fun on the show!
Seriously...I couldn't stop laughing out loud at work. I think someone said it before, but Lincee should be the next bachelorette. How much fun would that be to watch!
So what about the final scene of McHottie giving the girls MickyD's - I thought for sure his "bawn apateet" would make the recap! I guess Slink was too busy counting how many tequila shots Red was pounding....
Love it, love it, love it. Are you really going to be on the Women Tell All? You should wear the pink hard hat, so we can all know who you are. You are awesome! Keep it up. Couldn't wait for the posting today!
HILARIOUS... as always! I don't know about the rest of your fans, but I want to know more about the talk with Chris Harrison! When? How? Details!
LINCEE!!! THE NEXT BACHELORETTE!!
Lincee, I think you should add another sentence to your Simple Disclaimer: "If you have low bladder control or work in an environment where it is not acceptable to laugh so hard you begin crying, please do not continue reading"
What are you going to wear on the show??? How will we know which one is you???
Okay Lincee,
I have to comment on McHottie. I don't ever watch the show because 1)my husband gives me hell for it and 2)it is on way too late for me. I have been getting your recaps since you started them.
Anyway, I have mentioned in a previous posted comment that I have a twin sis and she did a spin class w/McHottie and Nashville Sara. My sis also posted a comment saying how nice Nashville Sara is.
So, I just finished reading Episode 4 and decided I needed to actually see the photos of these folks in their cycling clothes. It totally cracked me up that they had a "Tour day France" group date. I went to "The Tour" last summer, so this striked my interest. So funny, they were all on mountain bikes! I guess ABC did not want to take a chance on the girls not knowing how to ride a real road bike. I could tell in the photos that McHottie felt comfy on his bikes and that the girls were so not comfy.
I also took a little time to check out some of the bio's of the girls who are left on the show as well as McHottie's bio. It describes him as a huge fan of road and mtn biking as well as kayaking and hiking.
I am not trying to be a pessimist here, but having just married a hot man who loves all these things, I am not sure if McHottie will actually "marry" any of these women. He isn't married yet and he is 33. I could be wrong, but if his heart is an outdoorsy heart like that of my husband, he will need to find him a woman who enjoys the same things....LIKE ME! Oh wait, I just married someone. But, my twin sister is still single!
Sorry to ramble Lincee/slink. I have also been looking all day long for your new recap!
Hopefully I will remember to watch the "tell all" show, and hopefully you will get mentioned or some spotlight!
Cheers and thanks!
Bikerach
Oh my heavens! I heard Tour Day France and then saw those rollers and knew instantly that today was gonna be a good one! I'm here in Nash-vegas so waiting anxiously for the recap of Nashville's visit home... be kind to us!! LOL
People! She is not going on the show. She was kidding!
I honestly can't believe you thought she was going!
someone mentioned giving the recaps to bachelor byron. i used to work for an abc affiliate and bachelor bob came on the show during the season when he was one of the bachelors and then again during his season. when we heard about it, i printed out all of lincee's emails and gave it to him. apparently bob and most of the bachelors from that season all had a reunion of sorts and they read lincee's recaps. he emailed me and said they all thought they were really funny! and we sent them to Lanny from Tx the season he was on as well!
ok, seriously, lincee, did you really talk to chris harrison? are you really going on the show? how come you didn't give us more insight on this! you're readers want to know!!!
All of us at Yahoo! love you!!
Lincee baby- You did not disappoint. You are hilarious and I love you. Thanks for doing what you do and may it lead to something very worthwhile for you. Things happen for a reason. Tour Day France ROCKS!
p.s. still waiting for hot pink polka dots...;-)
I need to try and NOT read these when eating lunch at my desk. We almost had an incident of pineapple chicken coming out of my nose. Lincee you're the best!!
1. I love the bandana thing. I was wondering if he was trying to figure out which color suited him best for his next season appearance on Survivor.
2. Lincee, are you getting soft on Chirs Harrison now that he's your BFF#1? Should I take over the snappy comments about him? (Comment #1: Chris is replaced by Chris-bot, (played by Number 5 from Short Circuit) who rolls out during the rose ceremony to declare, "Doctor, ladies, there's only one rose left." Thanks, #5! That's the first thing I learned in Counting!)
3. Does it bug anyone else that Nashville doesn't blink?
Not that "The Bachelor" is all that focused on fashion, but don't you think that if ABC is going to spend all that time to get the girls to wear matching spandex on a bike ride, some intern could just let Dr. McHottie know that he needs to wear a tshirt under his half zipped sweatshirt?
Great recap Lincee - once again! They make my Tuesdays for sure!!!!
SOOOOO excited you will be on the "Girl's tell all". We need more details on your convo with Chris H...
Can't wait to hear about a future book deal. I know I'd buy it!!!
Keep up the good work!
absolutely hilarious....you have my entire office in an uproar!!!!!
This is your best recap yet!!
So wait a second....one of the people commenting said that her sister saw McHottie and Teacher Sarah in a spin class together?!?! Then does that mean that's who he picked? I thought I saw some sparks fly last night on their indi date. They would make a cute couple. She totally looks like a dr' wife!
Shout out back to ya, Lincee! Love this week's recap! Especially love the girls needing a lookout (DUH!) and "GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!"...cracks me up. even better: "Can I get some coffee over here?" because I could totally see the intern shouting that across the house! and the call to American Airlines - love it!
Moments this week I love: 1) when stoner sara gets the invite outside, my reaction: "What in the jeans-jacket-WOLRD is she wearing???" 2) when gee-han mentions she was married, it's never a good sign when a guys first reaction is to reach for a drink. EVER. 3) when mo-wanna is getting her massage, she says something to the effect that she likes that he respects her feelings to wait to open up....um, I call BS on that. Didn't she come to the show to meet a guy and get to know him?!?! ABC must have made him keep her b/c no normal guy would, period. And he should ditch her at least b/c she does have a tramp stamp...terrible. she's gotta go, but it should be interesting seeing her family.
Dixiebelle, love the blossom comment!
Have you ever heard of Pink is the New Blog? Because it is great and you would probably love it :) It's a celebrity blog with great pic's everyday. Trent is the guy who writes the blog (he's gay) but other than his random comments about men, its great. You should check it out www.pinkisthenewblog.com
You Rock Lincee!
That was awesome...we think it and you say it!
Lincee, Bravo!!! You rock!
Stoner Sara needs to get stoned before she goes to town on her eyebrows that way she'll go easy on them. They are pathetic - not to mention color differentiation from hair that is equally pathetic in its own right (I don't use color but thought it was best to keep up the use of bottle?? Call me crazy). That 'too (TA) of Mohawk's is terrible, I haven't figured out if it is a heart with gigantic wings or a big A eagle. Give me a break, no doctor in his "right" mind would consider that. Oh yeah, maybe no DR. in their right mind would go on the show. Susan = wall flower, think she is the sleeper. Nash, bless her heart X 32,000. She is being used SO being used by him and ABC. If for SOME reason she makes it to the overnights, she won’t even be asked to STAY the night.
I can't believe that no one has commented on Stoner Sarah's hair at the rose ceremony last night. Farrah Fawcett called. She wants her style back. No, scratch that-it isn't 1982 anymore!
Slink, yet again, you do not disappoint! I have to sneak into my boss' office at noon on Tuesdays so as not to disturb anyone w/my uncontrolable guffaws that pour out of my mouth while reading the re-cap!!
Did not like the bandana look on McHottie when he rode over to see the girls - thought you might have a comment for that. Poor Red, girls just wanna have fun, right? I'm gonna miss her drunken smile.
If the whole LA thing is true - that's AMAZING - & if not, it should be , & you should have your own spotlight bio in the women tell all show - You hearing me, Chris?!
I am so sad that I did not find you until this season. But anyways, my one comment when I sit and watch The Bachelor every week is this:
This guy is supposed to be a laid back outdoorsy guy. But yet every woman on the show seems to have their Loius Vitton luggage and purses with them every where they go. Isn't this a sure sign that they are not going to be compatible with him? I have nothing against designer purses - but if McHottie is looking for his soul mate - I doubt she takes her camping gear in that luggage.
Keep the fun coming!
Lincee - I have to know! Do I get extra credit for sending your website to ABC!!?? Is it possible that I could have a small part in your fame & fortune! I'm not looking for a cash percentage - just the small satisfaction that I may have had a tiny part in revealing your great talent & skill to millions! Rock On!
Hah, I agree with Straight guy #1, my thoughts exactly last night when he reached for his drink after the ever dreaded, "I was married before."
Straight guy #3 is correct, if you cant wear the hard hat during the women tell all, you need protection, it may get fiesty, if not anything a new place for Sarah to hide her stash!!
And yes, G-hand is a bit cross eyed, either that or she has discovered some of sarah's stash!!
Great job, laughed alot, cant wait for next weeks!! Shout out to all the other str8 guy bachelor fans.
PS Any votes on who will be the bachelorette out of these??
Great recap-love the recap of your talk with Chris H.
And I could barely contain myself as I read your retelling of the semi-porn massage last night. Too funny!!!
Can't wait for more Tell All news....since you aren't wearing your pink hard hat, perhaps pink cowboy boots? Represent us Texan girls!
To Chris H.-you must give a shout out to Lincee during the show. She deserves some primetime recognition baby!
thank god i am not the only one that spotted the denim vest/top on stoner sara. thank god i have somewhere to comment on its ugliness!
Oh, and by the way, one of the anonymous' made a comment about Sarah from Nashville quitting her job as a teacher to be on the bachelor so now she's not so sure about her 'winning.' Here's some factual information (honest, not lying)... Sarah didn't send in a video tape to be on the Bachelor. She went with another friend for the auditions on a whim and was pushing for the producers to pick her friend. They started heavily interviewing her instead and asked her if she'd be on the show. Two weeks later she was on her way to Paris. She 'quit' - but not really. She will begin teaching at the same school in Nashville in this coming fall. She's also got her masters degree in Special Education. There's some good hometown info for all you bachelor viewers! We, of course, are cheering on our hometown gal! just a little tidbit for everyone!
Ok, I swore I wouldn't watch this season's Bachelor, but when I found out that one of my co-workers kissed Nashville in 5th grade (she's not as innocent as she portrays) back in Jackson, TN I couldn't help but watch. With Dr. McHottie being the Bachelor, I was hooked. Now I find out he's possibly moving to my town...the land of reality TV...Vail, CO. Think he'll be friends instantly with Ryan and Trista...gag!
Please please wear the pink hat in LA--how will we know its you?
Keep it up--this is the highlight of my Tuesdays
I will come out of my "anonymous" shell, and say that yes my sister was in a spin class at the Nashville YMCA (not sure which Y), but my sis lives directly across the street from Vandy so it is one close to there.
Anyway, to repeat...my sis said they were both in the spin class, but they did not speak to one another. Kind of like when Brad and Angelina showed up for several months at the same locations and they never made eye contact or spoke. Same situation I bet!...except Nashville probably isn't prego w/a tattoo on her prego belly.
I think Stoner Sara is a ventriliquist-in-training. She doesn't move her lips when she speaks. I guess that's to rest her tongue in case of kissing.
Do you think that the girls get a clothing allowance, or a heads up on what to bring because I don't believe that an entire outfit of Spandex would ever make it in my bag to Paris. I like to think that ABC has an entire room filled with clothes for them to choose from on various days. I also think, that much to Moana's dismay they did not have an entire outfit of all black or perhaps a cloak for her to wear while sulking and drawing in her books in the room by herself. I couldn't help but think of the weird younger brother in Wedding Crashers who paints in the corner by himself... :)
Hilarious recap as usual. I agree with the other posters...you need to do something so we can identify you on the Tell All show. (And BFF Chris totally needs to give you a shout out).
Thoughts...Stoner Sarah, um hello roots much? I hope she has a date with the hairdresser before her hometown date. There was a good inch of darkness showing there. And Moana = psycho, emotional rollercoaster...just saying...
p.s. I definitely think Nashville is getting the ABC winner's edit...
I think I like Mowana. Just a little. Maybe.
oh my gosh! i almost peed!!! "stripper tat the size of montana"...hilarious!!!
congrats on the tell all show! i've never met you, but i know it will be like watching my college roommate on national TV. we love you girl!
LONG LIVE LINCEE'S RECAPS!!!
I now have every intention of buying my own pink hard hat and wearing it during every Bachelor episode - in honor of Slink!!
if any of you watch SOUP on E!, they totally make fun of stoner and her noises. they highlight one every week. so funny!
I propose that the group collectively come up with a question that Lincee can ask on the "Women Tell All." That way we'll know who Lincee is, and we'll have a way to make one of the bachelorettes feel awkward or ashamed of their behavior on the show!
Definitely the buzz out there is that Nashville wins. They have been sighted twice at the YMCA - the oft-mentioned spin class- and here is an article stating that Sarah S told someone in Nashville that she had a "boyfriend" who was "back in nashville". Check it out...at www.realityblurred.com.
And "boyfriend"??? Does that mean that we're going to see another lame ass, "put this on your right hand, we'll be special friends" ending????
Say it ain't so, Chris!
I also love the Stoner noises on The Soup... I say this week's will be the sound she made when she went out to get the Tour Day France date-invite basket. "eeeeeeeeeeee"
AND Lincee, your comment should be, "Tara- curious if you've gone into rehab since the show ended?"
Question for Chris H....has the bachelor been picked up for next season? I can't stand the thought of my guilty pleasure going away!!!
A group question is a GREAT idea!!! My suggestion is it be directed toward Dr. Rotting eggs...but I can't think of one that doesn't come across as mean. Of course she is the one who is selling t-shirts with her "catch phrase"...so maybe I shouldn't be so worried...
Lincee,
As I watched last night, all I could think was, "Man, Lincee is going to go to TOWN on this episode." Classic recap. Thanks for the laughs. By the way, why would ABC deny the girls a preparty and the viewers another chance to see Red get wasted? Come on... it's like oxygen for us reality people.
I look forward to reading your recap more than I do to watching the actual show! You crack me up girl! Keep it up!
Lyndsey from TX living in LA
Oh my gosh what is up with granola girl's sounds. It's like a purr/groan...... They would be enough for me to kick her canadian ass to the curb!!
Lincee famous, I love it! To think I read you way back with Jen Scheft who should have picked "Zack"(who, even if he does like to date reality chicks, was still cute). Anyhoo, I was really thinking Dr. McHottie was a hottie, but last night I had some doubts. I keep thinking about what someone posted saying he was really a bearded backwoodsman (I'm thinking that guy on Doctor Quinn, if he had been medically licensed as well, or, a childhood favorite, Grizzly Adams) before the bachelor. Also the bandanas, enough said. Finally, especially on the long bike ride over to the girls' house for the surprise visit, I noticed he is cut, no question, but really skinny. I think he needs to carb-up and put a little more density on that body. Maybe he brought 200 cheeseburgers b/c he's just eating the meat and cheese, and throwing away the buns, I hate that! And isn't the camera supposed to add weight? (I know even my voice mail makes me sound 10 lbs. heavier), so what does he look like in person? The muscle-man diagram in a 10th grade Biology book?
Straight guy #whatever here... first time post. My wife said "I wish Lincee lived next-door." Also, love the reference to "beautiful boy." Your best yet. Congrats of heading to L.A. You've earned it. Give "LH-to-LA" Chris all our best and be sure to ask a question during the taping as we will all be watching. Oh, and the post that named Sarah/Canada "Wooderson" has me rolling. Greatness !!
UNBELIEVABLE ep!
Let's all agree that Mo needs to go! No one has really mentioned the scenes for next week's home visits...
Looks like Mo's fam is as psycho as she is...or great editing.
i love you lincee! you make my boring work world so much fun and we think just alike!
straightguy #1 - TRAMP STAMP - LOVED IT!
Question for Houston people....ever checked out Beth Moore? Is that where she lives? Just wondering.
first: lincee, girl, love you. you know this.
second: pretty sure dr. boy picked mowana for next round to "meet the family" OUT OF SHEER MORBID CURIOSITY! he cant help himself, like train wreck or something. (think dr malfie with tony soprano). you know its going to be coo coo bananas! also, how great was the expression on mchottie's face as mowana cried to him in den, with dramatic whispering. he was horrified! frozen! total deer! i think she really stood a chance with him until she went to the dark side...
Lincee - Are you really going to LA? Did you really talk to Chris Harrison? How did this happen? I'm sorry - I must have missed something. If so, this is BIG, BIG, BIG for you. You're definitely gonna hit it big - we'll probably see you on Letterman and Leno. Good luck - I love your recaps - you're a funny chick!
i'm pissed that it's over and i have to wait one more week for another one. what to do!?!?!
Hi Anonymous at 3:34 - Yes, Beth Moore lives and teaches a class in Houston, Tx. She is an amazing teacher, and her class is at First Baptist Church of Houston at 5pm on Sundays. She's currently doing a Tuesday night women's bible study at FBC where she is re-filming one of her videos. Her website is http://www.lproof.org/ and it gives her upcoming summer tour schedule.
Lincee - This is great!! I actually watched last night so I would get the inside jokes today. (Chance joked that I was going to get stupid from watching reality TV, by the way!) You are so talented! Keep it up. Sorry we missed you in H-town. Hope to see you soon.
Thanks lg in Houston. I'm actually doing The Patriarchs right now! Completely awesome study! So jealous that you live there!!! Give her a hug for the anonymouses out here!!
Lincee! Congrats on the invitation to the show! Glad you caught the "tour day France" comment. Loving your recaps!
Alta - South Carolina
So much to comment on..."Tramp Stamp"...classic. I was also wondering if anyone else noticed that he was the only one who didn't wear a backpack during the "Tour Day France?" And what was in those backpacks? Large bottles of water I guess.
p.s. Teri from Texas where are you???? Karoake anyone???
fyi, they also have dp in paris. had it in a back alley back in the late 1990s
loving the recaps...can't wait to see you on the show!
Wait a minute! Straight Guy #3 has a wife? I really thought that someone with those comments had to be batting for the otherside.
Signed,
A Little Disappointed
Lincee - As a loyal reader from the early days, I miss hearing about your husband, the fight for the big TV, and your "straight" husband's love for T.J. (the Texas basketball player). Also, Is Dr. McHottie really not using this time as his "make out as much as possible with lots of different girls in as little time as possible" - as all of the other bachelors have - or is ABC just editing differently. Has anyone else noticed this - any thoughts?
Lincee you are hilarious! Keep it up!
I too was concerned about the lack of making out...any thoughts wise-ones?
word has it that nashville is a mole and just a friend of his getting the inside scoop. makes sense, no sexual chemistry at all. just "we have so much in common.." say something else robot.
Way to go Lincee! You crack me up every Tuesday!! Fun to see a Pi Phi sister get so much love.
Laura Hering
You friggen rock Lincee!! Your recaps have been the one and only reason why my friends and I have become addicted to this show for so many seasons and the anticipation of receiving them has nearly caused many coronaries!! You got a gift girl!! LINCEE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Straight guy #1 ..."Stamp tramp" that's fantastic!
Shout out to the straight mens... which this week includes Chris H. Welcome to the club...
So are we all agreed that ABC is up to its old "there is no relationship here" tricks by editting all of Nashville's time with the McHottie Experience? At one point during the dinner segment, I wondered if Nashville would ever say anything... sure it is not like Amber Waves Of Grain bad, but ABC is pushing hard to make us think there is nothing there...
So is Mowana the aspiring actress? No, wait that is Susan. Guess Susan will have someone to thank when she wins the Oscar for the remake of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
I like Stoner Sarah. I like her as much as I did Aaron's number two... the cute cheerleader from Bama. Just as unfortunate too, cuz McHottie does not practice "holistic" medicine.
Great recap as always Lincee.
All about the train wreck...
Lincee- my big laugh of the night was finding out that McHottie is an air quotes guy: "Tour Day France" --air quotes! Love it!
Keep up the good work!
I hope you get a shout out on "The Women Tell All" show.
I'm so happy for Tuesday's! I wish everyday were a Tuesday during Bachelor Season.
I have to say, I miss the emails, but this blog rocks...and how funny that everyone knows you know.
Anyway, you're hysterical, and I'm so glad to get to read your interpretation of the shows. It's funny that during every episode, I think about how you're going to interpret it tomorrow. I love it!
Love your recap Lincee and I'm glad I finally know what "blogging" means.
And I have to agree with "A Little Disappointed" on "Straight Guy #3's" ummm...image? More happily married power to him though!
Lincee --
I, like many others, am a third or fourth hand recipient of the previous email string. You rock and I love the blog!! On that note I have never been on a blog before this and now feel very hip and cool!!
Moving on.
What is the deal with the use of the word "hog"?!?! example: "Moana is hogging all the time with Dr. McHottie"... I heard at least three different girls use the word "hog" in refrence to Moana and Dr. McHottie and I had to wonder, are we in elementary school? I don't remember the last time I used the word "hog" but I think it was around 2nd grade in regard to my little brother hogging the swing or all the Halloween candy.
Seriously!
Can't wait until next week and Thanks!!!
LG - Are you attending the Tuesday night Beth Moore study now? I'm doing the revision of the Tabernacle with her at HFBC - She's amazing.
To Anonymous at 3:49 - You are in for a treat with the Patriarchs. You have to listen to the CD - Abraham's Song, "Longing" is phenominal!
KT - Houston
Lincee - I totally thought of you because the yellow polka dot bikini is back... that yogurt commercial is all wrong! The bathing suit needs to be red with YELLOW polka dots and not YELLOW with red dots... at least we don't have to watch "There she goes..." birth control commercials on heavy rotation this season... phew.
Lincee...with all your fans I couldn't possibly say any original praise about how great your recaps are...so I'm just gonna add "Yeah, what they said!"
But I do have a comment about Dr.McHottie. His decision to keep Jihan around (without giving her a rose), then cutting her loose was mean. It was so obvious he was shocked--take a big drink-- about the divorce (c'mon doc...read the stats, it's not like divorce it is that shocking). It wasn't even her fault!
(Don't worry Jihan...some wonderful man will adore you regardless of your past. Loved your confidedence. Stay true, Girl!!!)
He's entitled to want to live his fantasy of marrying a virgin...I mean a never married girl...whatever. So, the whole "I'll think about it...just kidding...I'm dumping you" was just not necessary. But, seriously Travis, what's worse, marrying someone of quality character who has been married before...or marrying someone who is single but has slept with half of Canada, or LA, or the psych ward, or wherever???
Enough Said. Looking forward to your national debut Lincee!
Love it...I fell asleep for about 10 mins. and don't feel like I missed a thing. Thanks Lincee and Congrats on the Women Tell All
ooops...I can spell..."C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E"
Lincee: Another crying, laughing, this is Vegas monologue quality perfect recap commentary!! As a self-appointed representative of the Senior Citizen Groupies for Lincee (SCGL pronounced "sick gell", which is what we oldies smear on our joints after too much laughing at Lincee's latest episode recap), let me assure you that "We love Lincee!"
Also as a Senior Groupie, I faithfully remember old songs, and so accordingly chant loudly "Fanna, fanna, fo fanna, fee, fi, Mowana" every time our "sleazy chick-sober" (dearly departed Red being our 'sleazy chick-drunk') appears on the screen, feeling alone with Dr. McHottie. Though most of you are too young to remember that one, ask a senior citizen-they will smile and instruct you in the ancient arts.
Also, we Senior guys think Dr. McHottie is, to use another two antiquated english terms, either a complete "dufus" or and utter "dork." My hot child bride Dallas attorney unfairly accuses me once again of being "jealous." Not true, nowadays I have to take a "jealous dysfunction" medication in order to feel really jealous, but if I am jealous for longer than four hours, I have to call my doctor. For the straight guys out there who have any last pretense of having at any time in their lives been even temporarily 'cool,' we have no doubt about why Dr. McHottie has reached his present age and remained unattached.
The cool women I grew up with would have gagged and hurled before Dr. McHottie got even as far as the beginning of his hopelessly inane, gag me, fortune cooklie romantic pronouncements and wisdom.
Yikes!
We do love you. We really do. We thank you, too.
Best wishes,
Attorney John B., old and lost in Dallas
Hey, in your very last comment, you say that RED doesn't want to eat b/c she doesn't want to lose her buzz. But she got cut. That last lady was Nashville. LOVE your blog, it MAKES the show!
Straight Guy #3 you crack me up. I agree with you - your name was a BIG clue as to your sexual orientation. Maybe we are all just a little disappointed that you are not SINGLE Straight Guy #3 - no offense to Mrs. SG#3!
Lincee - you are so stinkin' hilarious!
And, yes, everyone - she really IS going to LA. I love the idea of the group question so we need to think of something good!!
Nashville atty: It was Red who was on the scene with the McD's burgers....the outtake at the end of the show was from the group date...
Lincee, so unreal if you are serious about going to LA for Girls tell all...It will be so awesome, and you will have so much amazing anecdotes to tell of after meeting Host Chris and the girls, and maybe MCHOTTIE! in person...ROCK ON!
I now have 2 occupations to aspire to in life: 1) ABC intern on the Bachelor (the one who runs arounds with French Bread)and 2) CBS intern on Survivor (the one who sorts the votes before Host Jeff reads them)
If people would read all the comments attached to the recaps (which by the way provide so much fun and enjoyment between Tuesdays) then they would know the whole Chris Harrison story. He is real, he has found Lincee, and she is going to LA!
Also, for those of you who love celebrity gossip check out
www.perezhilton.com
It is almost as funny as the recaps.
I don't even watch the show, but I laugh and laugh when I read these.
I actually had to quit watching because I spent so much time feeling painfully embarrassed that it wasn't worth my time!
Keep the laughs coming!
2 words of advice Lincee...ditch the pink hard hat & the oil gig......put your agent to work & follow your dream. You've got real talent girl!! Your recap is better than the show!
OK, so I live in Nashville and grew up in Jackson, TN (where TN Sarah grew up). I have heard numerous rumours, mostly from my parents who still live in Jackson (small town gossip) and apparently Sarah's mom went to Paris at some point during the taping. This is second hand knowledge, so who knows how accurate it is, but it is definitely interesting. Does this mean that she makes it to the final rose ceremony and her mom is there? I don't know, but that's my theory.
I have also heard the rumors about them working out at the same YMCA. My sources tell me that they were both members there prior to the show and that they both live in the area near Vanderbilt.
I love this blog! I'm hooked.
Hey SLINK!!! I missed seeing the bachelor last night b/c I was at Sheryl Crow's concert, which rocked b/c I was on 4th row center on the floor in the RHYMAN (Nashville, TN).... Sheryl is freaking hot but she could stand to gain a few pounds before she marries hottie Lance Armstrong.. anyway, the concert was awesome and I missed the bachelor, but thanks to your blog, I didn't have to see it, I could just see it in my mind and you made it alot funnier too!
THanks again, oh, Dr.McHOttie has been seen driving a Saab around Nash, I havent personally seen him, but I have good eye witnesses that say it was him.... Hot car, and HOT GUY! :)
do you happen to write for a comedy show such as saturday night live? seriously, how do you manage to find the time with your day job?!
OK-Loved the show but will miss Red!! My favorite part was definately that "photo finish" bike race between Mowannna and Red vs. Susie and Stoner Sarah. I thought maybe their road was blocked by those damn Yak Packs in Paris!! Too much!! Lincee you are too much--love you more each passing week!!
SG#3 still love you and Mrs. SG #3 want to love you but don't know you well enough yet and
yes, Anonymous 3:56pm--I have been practicing my Karoake all day and in honor of Red leaving I will be doing ""All By Myself" by Celine Dion and I will have a glass of ?? 'cause she would want me to!!
Wait, I thought I heard Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong were history.
Keep all the Nashville gossip coming :)
Ya, what is with the tattoo on Angelina's pregnant stomach? STILL don't like her, no matter how much friggin charity work she does. The woman who wore a vial of blood around her neck is visiting heads of state?!? Puhleese.
Lincee, do you post to TWoP? Or FORT? Maybe you have been, or are a recapper on one of those sites? Because this is professional-level snark! Great stuff!
maisey from chicago--
you're hilarious. i totally agree. what an ego some men have.
My husband is a Doctor at Vanderbilt and thinks he has seen Dr. S there... alas, he's no help in providing good scoop for this site, but I've been working on getting him to go up and talk to him...
Oh and the YMCA that they have "allegedly" been seen at is the Green Hills YMCA (Sarah's school is also in Green Hills).
Lincee, we are LOVING your website. It's more fun than the actual show! We're from Nashville, so of course we're for the hometown girl. We're friends with someone who works with McHottie, and he actually is the Love God he plays on TV. Also a really nice guy. Go figure. I'm thinking of injuring myself so that I can see him up close and personal. Will seek help for these thoughts!
Mowana has GOT to go! Ick! Soooo glad Red is gone. Sorry, but Stoner Sarah is not worthy of McHottie either! Should be interesting from here!
Sooo excited a/b the Girls Tell All show! Good luck with that. Go with the pink hard hat. It's unique!
Leigh Baby
I am still laughing at your comments. So, oh so, you. Even your 90 year old grandmother and 85 year old great aunt are dying laughing!!
love the recaps. the show has gotten pathetic at times but I watch it just to read your recaps.
tell your boy Paul to add a free ClustrMap (http://www.clustrmaps.com) to your blog website. seen them in lots of other blogs -- it shows a small world map with little red dots showing where all your visitors are checking in. It'd be really cool to see how widespread your readship was...
Nashville gossip...Sarah won't end up with Doc. She was out on a date last night (not our good Doc). And the YMCA thing isn't true either.
Lincee you kill me! I find myself reading each recap over and over!! I thought I heard it all when you said the KY commercial bit. We come from the exact same generation and I gotta ask, did you ever do the "Spirit Fingers" in school?? Come on, you know you remember them! Love your stuff, waiting for next Tuesday...
My thoughts, exactly, OK Fan, about the missing midnight trysts, smacking and slurping noises in the dark, and wocka wocka. There's no scandal! Well, unless Gee_Han's ex comes back to say he paid her a hefty dowery for that "I Do". But then again, she's outta there.
Lincee, I am sill losing it everytime I think about Dr Do Right's overbite whiteman dance in the previous episode. An uncontrollable release of a natural bodily function wouldn't have caused nearly as much of a slide down the scale.
As for Mowana...luuuuckyyy. Might be props for the good Dr that he didn't run, and run fast, from her emotional confessions. Is he really a sensitive guy, or is it simple curiosity? Or, maybe he has made his choice, and Barbie's friend Susan, Psycho eyes Nashville (wonder if she wears those holiday sweaters) and Doobie Sarah, eh?, are not dramatic enough to reach a crescendo (Celine Dionesque) worthy of ABC's expectation, so Mowana got a free pass.
I liked Tara, oops, spilled my wine, and was hoping to see her and Doobie Sarah, eh? sober up enough to get real, game on, he's my boyfriend, doncha know I'm hot, competitive.
But, this a more cerebral (huh?) Bachelor with Paris, Dr, and all, so I think ABC will be buying some bug eyed gal, or Barbie's friend Susan, a nice diamond ring, and the good Dr might have a swing with Doobie, and he ramins single and life goes on.
So, who will be the offshoot? Who is the next Bachelorette? I am betting my quarters on Susan.
What's up with all the girls whining about Tramp Stamp stealing all the one on one time with Dr McChipmunkCheeks? Hellooooo mcfly ??? (As if they would not do the same thing given half a chance.) Am I the only one screaming at the tv every time that is said??? But what do I know... it appears I am the ONLY one in America that thought "BlessHerHeartNurseryPoet" was HYSTERICAL when she "spoiled the moment" with her homemade choppers. At least we didn't have to hear them repeat the AAA's a gadzillion times = absolutely amazing, awesome connection ..blah blah.
Chris... come on... Lincee sitting in audience...NOT GOOD ENOUGH... We want her in FRONT of the cameras that night. One more thing...why do you allow them to make you say, "Ladies, the final rose". Who can NOT count to one??? Tell meeeeeeeeee.
You and "Reality Steve" should get married! Your two of a kind and almost always make comments about the same things.
Can I PLEASE have your autograph? You are my inspiration....all these years I thought I was the witty one with the one liners, but no, I have been outshined and then some by you! I simultaneously laugh, cry, and pee my pants while reading your recaps. Brilliant just doesn't describe your abilities. I have never been more excited about watching the Women Tell All Show- I hope you get to ask an audience question. In your talks with your new BFF, Chris, you should make sure he promises you a question...if I could only guess what you might ask- Make us proud! By the way, you need to decide early what you are going to wear, so your fans can pick you out of the crowd- am I starting to sound a little like a Single White Female? Not my intention- just get excited by all this recap talk. You are the wind beneath my wings.
You know, Donna, I agree. Was it Kristin? Cheesy oh pleezy aside, at least she was original, though campy. Some little hindsight raiser alter ego tells me she might have graduated from a Blessherheart to a real Hoot had he kept her around. From the little glimpse we were offered, she seemed a good sparring partner for old school Bob, but we may have been cheated. I vote her in as a contender for the Cinderela prize....reject becomes the next bachelorette. You all must admit she would be more entertaining than the accessory, Susan.
Lincee and BFF #2 Paul - please update the "about me" section of the blog, so we can learn more about y'all! how will we recognize you on the women tell all if you're not wearing your pink hard hat?
Love it, Lincee. You remind me too much of one of my favs...Hollis Gillespie. If I believed she could write such a blog and refrain from offending, for example, Beth in Houston, I might be thinking there was a connection. But would Hollis admit to watching the Bachelor? Well, yes, she would, but she would have a more descriptive preface, and provide even more visuals that would, indeed, have Beth in Houston adding mea cupas to her daily routine.
In her absence, I have to say you are complementary.
I look forward to the next...and the next.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that rereads the recaps-I should be folding clothes, and doing dishes now that the little ones are snoozing...but reading comments is much more important and entertaining!
SG#1-married? If so, are you my hubby in disguise? While I made him watch the show with me last night he yelled "TRAMP STAMP" when he saw Mo in her suit...classic. Never heard that term before, but obviously you guys have plenty of lingo you keep to yourselves... until the right moment!
Also, same hubby reminded me about Stoner Sarah's attire at the rose ceremony...what the heck was she wearing in her cleavage-it looked oddly like a black fuzzy rabbit's foot?! And, I believe SG#3 also pointed this out in an earlier post--I don't recall her actually having any cleavage in previous episodes...
Thanks for the fun reading everyone!
Lincee - classic recap!
I need to report I am no longer a skeptic.
Reading is 10x better now that Chris H is your BFF. Sorry dethroned BFF Paul. I still love you for getting her a website but go get Lincee another Diet Pepsi. LOL!
Hilarious. Every freaking word.
Mowanna's little Jerry Maguire speech about being complete - made me spit out my drink. I wonder if she'll publish the entries in her Hello Kitty diary if she's not chosen as "the one".
Sneaky ABC and DrunkTara. I totally thought she was in. Guess McHottie didn't want to spend the rest of his life having to detox her. Smart choice.
Thanks for reaffirming what all of us know - or at least what we like to tell ourselves. This show is so bad - it's good!!
Can't wait till next week!
Lindsey from Houston-
Bow-chica-bow-wow.
Bow-chica-bow-wow.
Girl, you keep me rollin! Props on the Tell All invite and where in the HECK can I get a pink hard hat? I need one for my rig visit in March.
Keep it real, girl. You rock!
I thought it was Daniel LaRusso from The Karate Kid during the bike race.
I would swear that I saw McHottie's crack on the massage table...I thought for sure that would be on the recap, so I must have been dreaming that I was in the KY commercial.
The recaps make my day, Lincee. Thank you for your words of wisdom. :)
How about Lucci for Susan's name. Always nominated, never wins...
OK, someone already suggested that...
This has probably been suggested at some point, but I propose that the best way to watch any Bachelor episode is to get together a bunch of your gfs along with a bottle of Jack Daniels; every time someone on the show says the word "connection," all must drink a shot. I guarantee that 23 minutes into the show, every single participant will be dead drunk.
and in rehab with Tara!
I have been a fan of your recaps for several seasons now. I actually can't remember which season was the first one that I started receiving your recaps. Always a pleasure to read. Keep up the great work!
I have several things to say about this past episode:
1. I was a little disturbed by McHottie's karate kid outfit when he went to visit the girls at the house. Not many people can pull off the karate kid look... I think McHottie should rethink the bandanas!
2. How many people were eating hamburgers with the girls at the spa. There had to be enough McDonald's hamburgers to feed the entire crew and then some.
I used to look forward to the show and now I'm more excited to read the recap. I live in Nashville and the "Tour Day France" could easily make our annual "Your Sooo Nashville if" listing.
My first blog to read and definitely my first to write. Alright, let's be honest, I was not even clear on what a blog was until I read Lincee's.
Lincee, I too have been a fan for many, many seasons of emails. You complete the show!
Kudos to the stroller pushing moms, but how about we stroller pushing grandma's??? Lincee seems to reach ALL ages! Okay, I am not a grandma yet, but only because my beautiful daughters are still single. So to the straight guys who are still single, since it seems as though Lincee is not, I have one who has been sending me Lincee's emails for years and appreciates Lincee, (in Houston) and a second who has Lincee's humor herself....not quite as good as Lincee, but she is working on it!! :) (in Dallas) Any takers?????
Few comments:
1) I know why Red stayed as long as she did. Dr. (can't quite call him McHottie since I am married to a hottie myself) needed to keep her around to interrupt his one on ones with some of the women. Now that they are headed to home visits her usefulness has expired.
2) Tramp Stamp - never would have come up with that, but LOVE IT!
3) As far as a combined effort to come up with a question for Lincee to ask...seriously!!! Have you not been reading Lincee's recaps? Do you not think our wonderful Lincee could not come up with something absolutely perfect on her own?!?!?!?
4) Chris H - What about seating Lincee on the aisle and provide a pink hard hat for the floor at her feet. A quick span for her fans to locate her, and unknowing Bachelor watchers to question! Don't make her pack her own, your intern can run out and pick one up. She does not need to risk the airlines denting hers. She will need it when she returns.
Thank you Lincee for being YOU!
Thank you BF Paul, you, too are appreciated. (I think in her heart, you are still #1.)
By the way, we are sisters! I was in the pledge class that voted for AO to go Pi Phi! :)
Lincee...love the blog!
I agree with Maisey from Chicago (very funny!)
Dr. McHottie was cold for what he did to Jehan. He basically said "I was into you, but now I'm not that into you since you revealed **the secret**, but just to be sure, stay around until I make sure the others aren't divorced too, then you can go".
If Lincee doesn't want to be the next bachelorette, then I vote for Jehan to be the next Bachlorette!
You rock - can't wait to see you on the show... your humor is priceless!
I love Straight Guy #1 and Straight Lawyer John
As a Nashvillian, I've had several sightings of Travis, as have my friends. Evidently he has been spotted working out at the Y next to Sarah from Nashville. Hmmmm... I also know he rides a bike around town, helmet and all, and is better looking in person than on tv! Oh- and he's been spotted at Starbucks on numerous occasions. I have also heard that he may be giving up his career as a doctor, as he's had many "other offers" since the show. Oh, I hope not!
Nashville freaks me out a little bit. Her eyes remind me of the Runaway Bride, like they're going to pop out.
Awesome recap lady! Wisconsin loves you!
Nashvillian at 2:04 pm...
You said you heard McHottie is going to stop being a doctor for...what??? 5 minutes of fame in L.A???? Who graduates magna cum laude from med school and throws it all away for "other offers". That is so ridiculous! I hope it is just a silly, unsubstantiated rumor.
This recap is the BEST!!! Keep it up Lincee !!!!
word is that Sarah from Tenessee wins- heard it on the radio this morning that they've been seen together in Nashville!!!
Lincee- Love it that you say "DP!" Is that Diet Pepsi?! I say the same- only for DC!
DP is Dr Pepper
To "Only Jamey...Texas, of course. said..." I also love Hollis Gillespie. I live in ATL, one time had a chance to go to her loft for an art sale, but I was out of town. I was bummed because I really wanted to meet her. For those who don't know who she is, she is hilarious too, like our own Slink, but way more crass.
Who thinks we should shart calling Slink, "Lincee Fabulous???" Remember the 'ol Tina Fabulous?????
You could call Susan "Miss World Peace"
Please straighten all these people out. You are NOT going on the girls "tell all." Think about it people... she is not associated with ABC or the show. She just writes blogs (that people happen to like). ABC, Oprah, DATELINE, etc. does not care about some little girl with nothing better to do than write about some show that people with half a brain watch. Ok, I take back the last statement because I happen to watch (and like) the show.
But on a serious note, please tell them it was a joke! Two weeks ago you said you did not know Chris H and now you claim to have "seen" and "talked" to him. It just does not happen like that...maybe it worked for Kate Moss!
Dear Not a Believer,
Why are you having a hrad time with this? I could reccomend a great counselor for you. You act personally offended.
Seems like ABC wouldn't "let" Dr. McHottie hang out with Sarah Nashville until after the show cause that would give it away. So all of these supposed sightings don't seem super valid to me . . .
Also, Lincee, my friend, you will certainly absolutely have to let us all know what to look for on the "tell all" show so we know it is you. No way could you possibly disappoint your fan base. We are lovin' you!
Dear Not a Believer--
You sure did sound harsh. Way to harsh for the fun that we have here. Lighten up--believe a little bit. I promise it won't hurt.
Dear Not a Believer,
Bitter much?
so there you go...lincee is going on the show. and i'm with the skeptic who thinks they wouldn't be allowed to see each other in public...i just don't think nashville could win and then go work out with him all the time. and they have NO chemistry...unless abc edited that all out for a big shocker ending!
and for all you who claim to like moana, come on. she is so just trying to be trish.
Lincee,
I lost the web adress in the rest of my life that is my desk, and had to go through 15 pages of a message board to find it, WHICH I DID because your blog is so worth it!!!
I am glad that you are getting the recognition you so deserve, and love that your new-found "fame" has not gone to your head!!
Keep the greatness comeing--- you make the week fun and funny!
Lincee-This is Awesome, I have had a crazy week and just got to reading it today. It always puts me in a good mood. I was so happy to see that you think Sarah is a stoner too. Can't wait for next week.
Lincee we are so proud of you and your talent!! I've been reading your emails/posts for years and want to add my thanks for sharing your humor. BTW, went to college with McHottie and maybe through a friend of a friend of a friend could get your blog to him, if he's not reading already. Heehee! Please let us know how to identify you in the audience, OK? or maybe you prefer anonimity? Julie
Lincee, congrats for being invited to LA! Host Chris H. is in the February addition of the American Way magazine. They did an article on him and his family in Paris. His fam looks too cute! Keep up the good work!
i usually just read and enjoy the posts without the need to write...but had to step in here...
Dear Not A Believer,
Let's be honest...you're really a bitter contestant from a previous Bachelor season aren't you? seriously...come to the fun side!
Hysterical!!! I love the recaps! I have been laughing out loud in my apartment by myself.
Thanks Lincee for the update on the invite to LA. You never dissapoint. Anonymous at 6:30 said it best...you deserve the recognition. Looking forward to next week. Keep the laughs comin!
In our household, our name for Chris Harrison is Captain Obvious. We refer to him at every rose ceremony. Go Nashville!
Help, Lincee fans, what do you think? Someone asked if anyone would go on the bachelor.... my daughter wants to apply. The Paris location and a good looking, normal/nice guy bachelor have tempted her. She's 24, gorgeous, smart, nice. But ABC could make her the whiner, the bitch, the drunk, whatever they want to make her. What do you think??
not a believer...you must relax...
I've never heard someone so stressed out about something so small.
I'm just sayin'...jeez.
Girlfriend-
Please have a t-shirt made up that says, "Bless Her Heart", for the dumb ass chicks tell all show. You could even do it in pink so we can find you in the crowd! Way to go!
15 minutes to sign up as a "blogger" just to give Lincee a compliment. Unbelievable.
As to Episode 4: Best. Recap. Ever.
The wife and I watch the show just so we can be ready for your review. Thanks for giving a shout out to Baylor sweatshirts in episode 2's recap.
Sic'em.
Lincee~Stroller Pushin Soccer Mom #1 (straight guys get #'s I want one too). Just learned that I may not have full knowledge of all that is "soccer mom". I am definately puttin in stroller pushin time. So I am stickin w/ that.
First... NOTE TO NOT A BELIEVER: Time for the little blue pill dude. Take a step back and take a look at this site again. Did you see pastel polka dots? You were supposed to. It is a happy fun site. Now take a look at the 200 comments before yours. Wall to wall lincee lovers we are, so tred lightly silly friend. Now is the pill kicking in? Relax and reread the recap and this time reach deep to find a little wit and enjoy it. 45,000 of the rest of us do.
Now on to bigger and better things. Thank you for the wish for long life Lincee I now think I am a celebrity and have called my mother, friends, grandmother in upstate NY and my third grade teacher (a nun) to prepare them for their interviews on their observance of my stoller pushin mom potential. Sister Francis had said her 10 Hail Mary's and she is now ready for the cameras. Needed a good recap (toddler has tummy virus)and you delivered.
"You better Belize that I don't care" should be on every shirt in Belize right now if it's not already. My favorite line of all time!
THANKS FOR LIFTING MY SPIRITS!!
So funny! I think you should host your own matchmaking show-you are a great judge of character.
My youngest daughter started forwarding your emails (back in your low-tech days), because she knew I was forced to endure this show...now she checks to see if checked out your blog each Tuesday. So you may not be aware that you have helped bridge the generation gap and gave us something to laugh at together.
I know you say one show is more then enough to review, but are you aware that you are missing an incredible opportunity to continue to track Byron's career by blogging his Saturday morning show on ESPN...just think of the endless possibilities for humor as you recap the most intimate interrelationships on the Bass Masters Tour! The fashion review alone could take up a few pages...a rare opportunity that may never come your way again...and to be invited to the weigh-in before thousands of bass fishing fans would make the women's reunion show pale by comparison!
Here's my thought on the Nashville sightings. Remember last season when they were allowed to date up until the LIVE FINAL ROSE ceremony? I bet they're doing the same thing again. Dr. McHottie may have such an emotional decision on his hands that he doesn't know what to do!! So, he's dating Nashville and Miss Susan USA until the bitter end.
Lincee -
I BELIEVE!!!
Poor 'not a believer', so sad for you! Maybe a pink hardhat could be your 'believing hat' and free you from your sinicism! Worth a shot!
Oh, and amyv @ 7:45pm.....hope you're having fun in CALI!!
Love to all LINCEE fans everywhere! Aren't we the coolest!?!
these sweet girls that think DP is Diet Pepsi.. bless thier hearts.. us Texas folk know she really means Dr Pepper...
Straight Lawyer John.....the hat is PINK, not YELLOW!! Bless your heart! Still got love for ya!
A couple of things stick out to me (no pun intended - see below): (1) Moana is the only one left with any chest at all - it's Chesty vs. the Skillet trio. Will that be a factor?; (2) am I right in remembering that he's only made out with Susan and even that was "classy" - this may be a new Bachelor record in futility for "going great white."
Okay, I just have to say something real quick that has nothing to do with The Bachelor. Did anyone see the auditions last night for American Idol? Did you all see the poor girl at the end of the show w/the skin tight red satin pants on and the two braids of hair? I just have to say this...."Bless her heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
Perhaps your new BFF, Chris, will invite you onto the next "Bachelor" to interview girls for one-on-ones...THAT would be humor at it's finest! Just the thought makes me snicker.
Love your writing. I can PROUDLY admit that your recaps are the ONLY reason I watch the show now.
CORRECTION!
I forgot I was downgraded to BFF #2, since CH took my previous spot. So, this is to correct my last comment, in which I referred to myself as simply, BFF Paul.
How depressing...
Dear "Not a Believer"... pipe down and back up! Please keep your thougts to yourself and stop spoiling all the fun.
sweet lincee....look at you!!! from your infamous dancing queen bit to the big screen. you make Spring '95 so proud. i just knew you would make it big....i just knew it.
hugs to you my friend!! love every minute of your recaps!!
W.....missy b
and as far as an outfit goes.....i say you pull out a harold's denim vest from our freshman year in honor of mary jane sarah. you know you have one.
Where is your husband? He was funny!
Seriously though, congrats on the LA thing.
Be ready to move to LA Lincee. And I don't mean Lower Alabama. When Chris and them at ABC meet you in person, they will want your wit and charm working for them. Aim high and go for it! Once in a lifetime experience. You got it going on girl. 45,000 -1 can't be wrong. You are funny as crap. Love you girl. LA needs your touch.
IS CHRIS GOING TO INTRODUCE YOU? YOU HAVE TO TELL US WHERE YOU ARE SITTING SO WE CAN ALL SAY, HEY I REMEMBER WHEN I READ HER COMMENTS ON THE LAST BACHELOR AND I WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ONE'S BEFORE SHE GOT FAMOUS. (SIGH)
OKAY... SO I DON'T KNOW WHO SAID IT, BUT I SECOND THE MOTION FOR LINCEE BEING THE NEXT BACHLORETTE!! HOW EXCITING WOULD THAT BE?!! CHRIS, IF YOU ARE READING THIS.. MAKE IT HAPPEN BUDDY!! (OR BETTER YET ARE YOU SINGLE, WE ALREADY KNOW THAT LINCEE IS) LET US KNOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?>>
So I was channel surfing my radio this AM on my long ass commute to work...and as I sometimes do, stopped on Star 98.7, with it being Therapy Thursday and all. And guess who was the Dr. of the day? Oui Oui mon cherie! Chris Harrison! And who was he talkig about??? YOU Lincee. It's true, he confirmed it! They ARE BFF's and thankfully he turned me onto your blog. I watch it every week and am ashamed of how stupid Americans are. Oh, and the Canadians. Cold McD's to fine wine and cheese? I am thoroughly embarrassed...but thanks for the recap laughs. Now back to my freedom fries!
So I was channel surfing on my long ass commute to work this am and stopped on Star 98.7 because it's Therapy Thursday and all. And guess who was the Dr. of the Day? Oui Oui mon cherie! Chris Harrison! And guess who he was talking about? You Lincee! That's right, he confirmed it, they are BFF's! And thankfully he turned me on to your blog. A place where we can all be ashamed of our American friends and deride those Canadians…How can you choose cold McD’s over fine French wine and cheese? Most importantly how did headband hottie become a Dr. and go to Duke? Thanks for the laughs L. Back to my freedom fries.
here's the latest nashville gossip - from a column in today's Tennessean:
SARAH'S OLD SCHOOL WON'T COOPERATE WITH ABC
Wait a sec. Sarah Stone quit her job as a kindergarten teacher in Green Hills before she went off to be in ABC's The Bachelor, right?
So why did we see Sarah, The Bachelor and a bunch of school kids on previews for next week's episode?
Julia Green Elementary School Principal Robert Bohrer confirms that ABC contacted him about doing a "hometown visit" segment with the kids at school. But Bohrer said he turned down the show for access to his school or to the names of Sarah's former students. "I did not feel it was appropriate to use kindergartners to promote the show," he said.
An ABC spokespwoman said she had no clue who the kids are or how they were gathered.
here's the link:
http://tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060202/COLUMNIST0501/602020307/1121/ENTERTAINMENT
Thanks for the hilarious recaps, Lincee!
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