I’m going to go ahead and say it. I don’t hate Andy.
Sure he’s a little on the dorky side, but his chachiness is in check. My boy can flirt, dance and is not afraid to blatantly tell the camera that mechanical bulls excite him. He’s not playing it safe and he’s giving every girl a fair chance by getting to know them. In other words, he embraces his dorkiness with Officer and Gentlemanly charm and that my friends makes him borderline endearing. Welcome back Bachelor!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
Sure he’s a little on the dorky side, but his chachiness is in check. My boy can flirt, dance and is not afraid to blatantly tell the camera that mechanical bulls excite him. He’s not playing it safe and he’s giving every girl a fair chance by getting to know them. In other words, he embraces his dorkiness with Officer and Gentlemanly charm and that my friends makes him borderline endearing. Welcome back Bachelor!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. If this e-mail circulates to friends, family, enemies...that is your business. However, if you or someone in your address book happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Spring Oreos and Spaghetti O’s or have a spin instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show...none of this is personal and I'm sure they are all lovely people.
I’d like to kick it old school and bring back a tradition that is near and dear to my heart.
For those of you who have been with me since Firestone, you know that I occasionally break out a Top 10 list of what went down during the previous night’s episode. It’s an easy way for me to include all those silly questions that pop in my head during our show without breaking the flow of the recap. Join me as I recall:
MY TOP TEN RANDOM THOUGHTS OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE
1. Who doesn’t love a good 10-minute opening montage narrated by our favorite host Chris Harrison? We learn…again…that Lieutenant Andy is looking for love.
2. Steph plans on getting a rose after rose until she gets a ring on the finger. I called it. Psycho tendencies.
3. Let’s talk about the car. Give me a break. I keep picturing Michael J. Fox’s head poking up in the back asking what year we are in.
4. Whoever said he looks like an old Bobby Brady is right!
5. Did anyone notice the bubbling, foaming cocktail drink during the bull “riding” escapade?
6. Nicole says AWESOME way too much.
7. I think the Lieutenant’s ribs are disproportioned.
8. How do we feel about unmatching bikinis?
9. Someone please mess up his hair.
10. NO WALKING! NO HOLDING HANDS!
THE RULES
Our Host Chris Harrison gathers the ladies together in their Hollywood Hills mansion to explain the rules of this game we call The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman. Since Steph was the lucky girl to win the first impression rose, she will be the first one-on-one date. Lieutenant Andy must choose after the date to give her a rose or send her home. The others will be split into two group dates. No roses will be handed out, but one girl will get super special one-on-one time with the lieutenant. She gets to stay with him while the other girls have to return to the house.
Group Date 1
Finding Love on the Sunset Strip
(While you are there, try to find Studio 60. I loved that show.)
Nicole
Tiffany
Alexis
Gymnast Stephanie
Bevin
Amanda
Tessa
In awe. In shock maybe? Unable to believe what was happening before my eyes? Begging myself to look away but fighting through the total embarrassment for the girls on the TV screen for the sake of this recap.
The mechanical bull. Oh the mechanical bull.
I’m from Texas. Lived here my whole life. I’ve seen lots of mechanical bulls. When you are born, you are issued a copy of Urban Cowboy. So I’ve seen Bud, Sissy and that convict guy who eats the worm from the tequila bottle on a mechanical bull LOADS of times.
But I’ve never seen a mechanical bull “do” what that mechanical bull did.
My conclusion?
The producers let the ABC intern be in charge of the mechanical bull. And this kid has a wicked sense of humor. Let’s make the bull vibrate and bounce before gyration. BRILLIANT!
Lieutenant Andy is pumped about seeing his dates on the mechanical bull. He wants a girl who is not afraid. He needs someone who can get dirty, act like a tomboy and break her nails.
Tessa fakes a leg injury and yelps for Andy to help her. He switches his Lieutenant hat for his doctor hat and comes to the rescue.
Gymnast Stephanie rode for eight seconds. Everyone fell off except her. The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman says that she is UN-believable.
Lieutenant Andy tells the camera he wants to switch from rock-n-roll vibe (huh?) to glamour vibe. He has a surprise for the girls. A room full of clothes so they can be transformed into elegant ladies.
In another brilliant move, the ABC intern (we love him this year) decides to NOT put mirrors in the room full of elegant dresses for the elegant ladies. They have to rely on the other girls to tell them they look good. Nice.
The girls come out to the pool on the roof of some hotel (didn’t’ we do this last year?) and all comment on how this is like a scene from a movie.
Background music swells. You guessed it… “Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong.”
Note to ABC: It’s already getting old people. Really old.
The lieutenant takes Nicole over to the other side of the pool. She can’t get over his chocolate and blueberry suite. I can’t get over that she called it chocolate and blueberry. She says she is nervous. He asks her to dance. And they salsa.
Note to male readers: Most girls love to dance. Learn a few basic steps and you are golden. Let’s keep the “white man overbite” and cheesy moves from the ‘80s to a minimum. Salsa is always good. Trust me. Just ask Roberto from Lifetime Fitness. I’m getting heat flashes…
We learn that Alexis was home schooled, has strong moral values, is very old fashioned and true to her roots. Unfortunately, Lieutenant Andy respects that and therefore, she will be sent home at the end of the night.
OUR FIRST HOT TUB SCENE
Finally. Back in the Firestone days, we had hot tubs every date. I think Andy is prepared to jump in to that method of thinking. You can learn a lot from a girl in a bikini. It’s scientific fact.
Andy is surrounded by seven women and loving life. All of a sudden, he realizes that he hasn’t had any one-0n-one time with Bevin. He asks her to join him in the pool. They hold hands and jump. Before they are even up for their first breath of air, Bev’s legs are wrapped around our Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman. It must have been the shallow end, because tri-athlete or not…dude would have drowned with her legs holding on so TIGHT.
Andy’s first Chach moment of the night: “Do you want to go under water?”
But then he redeems himself. He makes out with Bev under that water. You sly dog.
Back in the hot tub, the lieutenant says that he must pick one girl to stay while the others go home. He picks Tiffany.
Don’t bother looking her up on the ABC website right now. I don’t know who she is either. He picks her because she is quiet and he feels he didn’t get enough quality time with her. He wanted to give her the opportunity to shine.
And she took that opportunity and waved lazily as it passed her by.
It was awful. And awkward. And sad. Here’s a snippet into the night’s tantalizing conversation:
Tif: “Why did you choose me?”
O&G: “You have a lot of depth, but I haven’t seen your true colors.”
Translation: (Tif) “My boobs didn’t once jiggle on the bull. Why me?”
Translation: (O&G) “I’m giving you a chance to jiggle them now.”
O&G: “Have you ever dated a doctor?”
Tif: “A little.”
O&G: “Was it good?”
Tif: “Mmm-hmmm.”
O&G: “Ever dated anyone in the military?”
Tif: “Uhm…”
Translation: (O&G) “I’m the total package and need you to know that it doesn’t get any better than this.”
O&G: “Has anyone ever told you that you have the cutest dimples?”
Tif: “Uhm...”
O&G: “I’m glad you are here.”
Tif: “Thanks.”
Translation: “I’m glad you are here so I know I didn’t make a mistake sending you back to Boston tonight.”
Group Date 2
Let’s Get Physical!
Kate
Susan
Erin
Tina
Amber
Dani
PAYTAWN
Lieutenant Andy explains to the camera that he is a six time Iron Man and that athletics are a huge part of his life. He wants to see who freaks out when told that they have to participate and compete in a mini triathlon.
The girls arrive and make their way out to the pool. Lieutenant Andy exclaims, “OH MY GOODNESS” as they saunter through the double doors.
OH MY GOODNESS indeed. Clad in their powder blue terry cloth hot pants complete with tube socks pulled up to their knee caps, the girls awkwardly eye the pool. Some have gone as far to try and modernize their awkward apparel. There are head bands. Wrist bands. Off-the-shoulder t-shirts a-la Flashdance. What a feeling…
Lieutenant Andy encourages the girls to eat up because later they will want the extra energy. Great. Just what we need. A Bachelorette hurling her scrambled eggs and mimosa into the grass by the stationary bicycle. Can’t WAIT for that!
Almost immediately after they sit down, Tina asks our Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman to escort her to the pier to take in the view. Kate thinks this makes her a hussy.
She’s no hussy Kate. Tina is smart.
Tina tells the camera that she is not that athletic and wants Andy to know her before judging her on her swimming, pedaling and running abilities. Brains. The girl has brains. They talk about doctor stuff, laughing at funny orthopedic happenings in their residencies and Tina knows…her strategy has worked and the pressure is off.
Susan (aka Heidi) is worried about the competition too, but it should be too bad since she walks her dog three times a week.
Or was it Erin?
Regardless, they look like identical twins and pretty much form an alliance. They will compete TOGETHER and hold hands the entire time. This way, they won’t mess their makeup or get their hair wet. Yeah!
THE COMPETITION
We begin in the water. Four laps.
Next, on the bike for two miles.
Finally, four laps around the pool.
First one to cross the finish line gets one-on-one time with the lieutenant.
Andy blows the whistle…AND THEY’RE OFF!
The girls look scared to death.
Heidi/Twin doesn’t think she should have to win a race to get a rose.
Other twin’s boobs are keeping her from swimming.
NO WALKING!
NO HOLDING HANDS!
LINCEE IS HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING!
Dani and Amber are running neck and neck!
ABC intern is pleased that he forgot to tell wardrobe to provide proper swimsuits for the triathlon.
AMBER WINS!
ALONE TIME WITH AMBER
The couple hits the beach. Lieutenant Andy’s testosterone pulls the pair to a jungle gym by the water and insists on testing Amber’s strength. They hang from a bar. They hang from gymnast rings. She thinks he is hot. He says he heard she can cook. She says yes. He says he is good at doing dishes. And then says “kewl” three times in a row for no reason. He’s diggin’ Amber. GO HOUSTON!
ONE-ON-ONE
Steph
Dine With Me on My Yacht
Steph gets her invitation in a big sea shell and talks about making out with the Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman. Everyone hates Steph. She stands in front of her mirror and tries on different dresses. She takes the hoochiest of them all and asks the girls opinion. Should she wear this to see Lieutenant Andy? She decides on something a little more appropriate for a yacht and bids the girls adieu saying that she is 95% sure she’ll be back with her rose.
She gets to the yacht. He says she looks amazing. They drink champagne and then someone hands Andy a note. It’s from the producers.
Dear Andy,
Looking fabulous kid. Fabulous.
Hey, we were wondering if you could re-enact that scene from Titanic where Leo and Kate are at the front of the boat pretending that they are flying? That would be great. We are trying to secure the rights from Paramount to show the blockbuster during sweeps in May. I’m sure they would LOVE this plug.
Oh…and please try to get in the hot tub later. We also feel the audience is ready for a real kiss, so if you could make that happen too…
Sincerely,
ABC Producers
Somewhere along the way, Play By the Vindictive Rules Stephanie decides to let her guard down and ask Lieutenant Andy what his idea wedding would be like.
What in the world?
He says that he wants it to be in Hawaii and for Elvis to be playing “Rock-A-Hula” in the background. (You would love that Mom!)
Feeling the pressure of losing him with that horrendous question, she decides to turn things back to basics. Hot tub time.
She arrives all wrapped up in her pashmina. She dramatically lets it fall to the floor, showing off her abs. And she’s got them!
Andy invites her to join him in the hot tub…warning her…that the water is HOT.
Insert Jim Halpert face here.
He gives her a rose.
She kisses him.
Cut to Steph in the limo.
“I got the first impression rose. I got the first date. I got the first kiss. He’s AWESOME…I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIM AGAIN. HE’S INCREDIBLE.”
She returns to the mansion, finding three girls on the stairs and seven in the living room, waiting for her return. She tells them ALL about it. She lies and says she got a peck on the cheek. Some of the girls think she is not telling the truth. How do we know what these girls think? Because Steph is listening at the door. Which is what crazy people do.
I’m just saying…
BEFORE THE ROSE CEREMONY
Lieutenant Andy has to narrow the field down from fifteen to twelve. (Please tell me you watched the end of the show to see four of our girls trying to do math on this delicate topic. Absolutely CLASSIC!)
Tina thinks she is going home because she is too ambitious. She wants to know how Andy feels. He says that she is stunning. Her octave goes up twelve notches and thanks him in a baby voice. He thinks it is sexy to be confident.
Peyton defends her sorority. She wants him to know that they inspire and offer so much to our collegiate women. She wants to know what he is looking for in a woman. He thinks it is important to inspire.
His originality on that one was incredible.
Steph knows that Alexis is a virgin. She knows because she has been dumped by a virgin before. I don’t even know what to do with this statement.
The twins arrive holding hands…again…in red dresses. They sit on the couch, sharing a Cosmopolitan with two straws. Lieutenant Andy asks to sit between them. After much consideration that took WAY TOO LONG to decide, they allow him to separate the union. They talk about how proud they are of their accomplishments at the competition and that they have found their soul mate. Unfortunately for Lieutenant Andy, they are talking about each other.
Amber takes him away. He can’t wait to see her. She takes him upstairs to show the bedroom of all the packed suitcases. Our Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman gets a little choked up at this site. This is REAL people. Someone is going to get hurt!
“I’m a healer. The thought of instilling pain doesn’t go well with my heart and mind.”
Gag.
Tessa tells him she is training for triathlon and if this doesn’t work out, she’ll see him later. Then asks if he wants a foot massage. He says she has tiny toes and comments on his own feet…which were bare. I nearly sicked out. Dude needed to keep his socks on!
To make matters worse, Gymnast Stephanie comes in with a round of shots. And then make a toast… “To relaxed feet!”
What am I watching?
Andy moves on to Danielle. We haven’t heard much from her. She’s been having swimmer’s ear since the pool competition. He gives it a kiss and she feels all better. She tells him she is a graphic designer and all she needs is her computer to do her work. She could move ANYWHERE.
Bevin needs to push the ladies back in.
Nicole missed her moment to kiss Andy while dancing.
Tessa has a nervous breakdown.
We leave for commercial break. Our host Chris Harrison asks the audience, “Who will lose their Office and Gentleman forever? Find out after the break.”
I’m pretty sure a little part of me died on the inside when he said that. Vomit.
ROSE CEREMONY
Lieutenant Andy thanks the girls for taking this risk with him. If they don’t get a rose, it’s because there was no connection. He throws them a bone and says that someone is out there for each one.
Roses are given to:
Tessa
Dani
Bev…she doesn’t look 28…I’m just saying
Amber
Stephanie Rose
Stephanie Gymnast
Kate…Shut up! No you shut up. Really
Nicole
Tina
PAYTAWN
Amanda
Cut to the twins…
“I think we are both going home…” YES
And then he calls Hef’s wife Erin. DOH
Next week, we see mud baths, fast driving cars, boot camp and a medical emergency with an ambulance and everything. Sweet!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
I’d like to kick it old school and bring back a tradition that is near and dear to my heart.
For those of you who have been with me since Firestone, you know that I occasionally break out a Top 10 list of what went down during the previous night’s episode. It’s an easy way for me to include all those silly questions that pop in my head during our show without breaking the flow of the recap. Join me as I recall:
MY TOP TEN RANDOM THOUGHTS OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE
1. Who doesn’t love a good 10-minute opening montage narrated by our favorite host Chris Harrison? We learn…again…that Lieutenant Andy is looking for love.
2. Steph plans on getting a rose after rose until she gets a ring on the finger. I called it. Psycho tendencies.
3. Let’s talk about the car. Give me a break. I keep picturing Michael J. Fox’s head poking up in the back asking what year we are in.
4. Whoever said he looks like an old Bobby Brady is right!
5. Did anyone notice the bubbling, foaming cocktail drink during the bull “riding” escapade?
6. Nicole says AWESOME way too much.
7. I think the Lieutenant’s ribs are disproportioned.
8. How do we feel about unmatching bikinis?
9. Someone please mess up his hair.
10. NO WALKING! NO HOLDING HANDS!
THE RULES
Our Host Chris Harrison gathers the ladies together in their Hollywood Hills mansion to explain the rules of this game we call The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman. Since Steph was the lucky girl to win the first impression rose, she will be the first one-on-one date. Lieutenant Andy must choose after the date to give her a rose or send her home. The others will be split into two group dates. No roses will be handed out, but one girl will get super special one-on-one time with the lieutenant. She gets to stay with him while the other girls have to return to the house.
Group Date 1
Finding Love on the Sunset Strip
(While you are there, try to find Studio 60. I loved that show.)
Nicole
Tiffany
Alexis
Gymnast Stephanie
Bevin
Amanda
Tessa
In awe. In shock maybe? Unable to believe what was happening before my eyes? Begging myself to look away but fighting through the total embarrassment for the girls on the TV screen for the sake of this recap.
The mechanical bull. Oh the mechanical bull.
I’m from Texas. Lived here my whole life. I’ve seen lots of mechanical bulls. When you are born, you are issued a copy of Urban Cowboy. So I’ve seen Bud, Sissy and that convict guy who eats the worm from the tequila bottle on a mechanical bull LOADS of times.
But I’ve never seen a mechanical bull “do” what that mechanical bull did.
My conclusion?
The producers let the ABC intern be in charge of the mechanical bull. And this kid has a wicked sense of humor. Let’s make the bull vibrate and bounce before gyration. BRILLIANT!
Lieutenant Andy is pumped about seeing his dates on the mechanical bull. He wants a girl who is not afraid. He needs someone who can get dirty, act like a tomboy and break her nails.
Tessa fakes a leg injury and yelps for Andy to help her. He switches his Lieutenant hat for his doctor hat and comes to the rescue.
Gymnast Stephanie rode for eight seconds. Everyone fell off except her. The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman says that she is UN-believable.
Lieutenant Andy tells the camera he wants to switch from rock-n-roll vibe (huh?) to glamour vibe. He has a surprise for the girls. A room full of clothes so they can be transformed into elegant ladies.
In another brilliant move, the ABC intern (we love him this year) decides to NOT put mirrors in the room full of elegant dresses for the elegant ladies. They have to rely on the other girls to tell them they look good. Nice.
The girls come out to the pool on the roof of some hotel (didn’t’ we do this last year?) and all comment on how this is like a scene from a movie.
Background music swells. You guessed it… “Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong.”
Note to ABC: It’s already getting old people. Really old.
The lieutenant takes Nicole over to the other side of the pool. She can’t get over his chocolate and blueberry suite. I can’t get over that she called it chocolate and blueberry. She says she is nervous. He asks her to dance. And they salsa.
Note to male readers: Most girls love to dance. Learn a few basic steps and you are golden. Let’s keep the “white man overbite” and cheesy moves from the ‘80s to a minimum. Salsa is always good. Trust me. Just ask Roberto from Lifetime Fitness. I’m getting heat flashes…
We learn that Alexis was home schooled, has strong moral values, is very old fashioned and true to her roots. Unfortunately, Lieutenant Andy respects that and therefore, she will be sent home at the end of the night.
OUR FIRST HOT TUB SCENE
Finally. Back in the Firestone days, we had hot tubs every date. I think Andy is prepared to jump in to that method of thinking. You can learn a lot from a girl in a bikini. It’s scientific fact.
Andy is surrounded by seven women and loving life. All of a sudden, he realizes that he hasn’t had any one-0n-one time with Bevin. He asks her to join him in the pool. They hold hands and jump. Before they are even up for their first breath of air, Bev’s legs are wrapped around our Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman. It must have been the shallow end, because tri-athlete or not…dude would have drowned with her legs holding on so TIGHT.
Andy’s first Chach moment of the night: “Do you want to go under water?”
But then he redeems himself. He makes out with Bev under that water. You sly dog.
Back in the hot tub, the lieutenant says that he must pick one girl to stay while the others go home. He picks Tiffany.
Don’t bother looking her up on the ABC website right now. I don’t know who she is either. He picks her because she is quiet and he feels he didn’t get enough quality time with her. He wanted to give her the opportunity to shine.
And she took that opportunity and waved lazily as it passed her by.
It was awful. And awkward. And sad. Here’s a snippet into the night’s tantalizing conversation:
Tif: “Why did you choose me?”
O&G: “You have a lot of depth, but I haven’t seen your true colors.”
Translation: (Tif) “My boobs didn’t once jiggle on the bull. Why me?”
Translation: (O&G) “I’m giving you a chance to jiggle them now.”
O&G: “Have you ever dated a doctor?”
Tif: “A little.”
O&G: “Was it good?”
Tif: “Mmm-hmmm.”
O&G: “Ever dated anyone in the military?”
Tif: “Uhm…”
Translation: (O&G) “I’m the total package and need you to know that it doesn’t get any better than this.”
O&G: “Has anyone ever told you that you have the cutest dimples?”
Tif: “Uhm...”
O&G: “I’m glad you are here.”
Tif: “Thanks.”
Translation: “I’m glad you are here so I know I didn’t make a mistake sending you back to Boston tonight.”
Group Date 2
Let’s Get Physical!
Kate
Susan
Erin
Tina
Amber
Dani
PAYTAWN
Lieutenant Andy explains to the camera that he is a six time Iron Man and that athletics are a huge part of his life. He wants to see who freaks out when told that they have to participate and compete in a mini triathlon.
The girls arrive and make their way out to the pool. Lieutenant Andy exclaims, “OH MY GOODNESS” as they saunter through the double doors.
OH MY GOODNESS indeed. Clad in their powder blue terry cloth hot pants complete with tube socks pulled up to their knee caps, the girls awkwardly eye the pool. Some have gone as far to try and modernize their awkward apparel. There are head bands. Wrist bands. Off-the-shoulder t-shirts a-la Flashdance. What a feeling…
Lieutenant Andy encourages the girls to eat up because later they will want the extra energy. Great. Just what we need. A Bachelorette hurling her scrambled eggs and mimosa into the grass by the stationary bicycle. Can’t WAIT for that!
Almost immediately after they sit down, Tina asks our Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman to escort her to the pier to take in the view. Kate thinks this makes her a hussy.
She’s no hussy Kate. Tina is smart.
Tina tells the camera that she is not that athletic and wants Andy to know her before judging her on her swimming, pedaling and running abilities. Brains. The girl has brains. They talk about doctor stuff, laughing at funny orthopedic happenings in their residencies and Tina knows…her strategy has worked and the pressure is off.
Susan (aka Heidi) is worried about the competition too, but it should be too bad since she walks her dog three times a week.
Or was it Erin?
Regardless, they look like identical twins and pretty much form an alliance. They will compete TOGETHER and hold hands the entire time. This way, they won’t mess their makeup or get their hair wet. Yeah!
THE COMPETITION
We begin in the water. Four laps.
Next, on the bike for two miles.
Finally, four laps around the pool.
First one to cross the finish line gets one-on-one time with the lieutenant.
Andy blows the whistle…AND THEY’RE OFF!
The girls look scared to death.
Heidi/Twin doesn’t think she should have to win a race to get a rose.
Other twin’s boobs are keeping her from swimming.
NO WALKING!
NO HOLDING HANDS!
LINCEE IS HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING!
Dani and Amber are running neck and neck!
ABC intern is pleased that he forgot to tell wardrobe to provide proper swimsuits for the triathlon.
AMBER WINS!
ALONE TIME WITH AMBER
The couple hits the beach. Lieutenant Andy’s testosterone pulls the pair to a jungle gym by the water and insists on testing Amber’s strength. They hang from a bar. They hang from gymnast rings. She thinks he is hot. He says he heard she can cook. She says yes. He says he is good at doing dishes. And then says “kewl” three times in a row for no reason. He’s diggin’ Amber. GO HOUSTON!
ONE-ON-ONE
Steph
Dine With Me on My Yacht
Steph gets her invitation in a big sea shell and talks about making out with the Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman. Everyone hates Steph. She stands in front of her mirror and tries on different dresses. She takes the hoochiest of them all and asks the girls opinion. Should she wear this to see Lieutenant Andy? She decides on something a little more appropriate for a yacht and bids the girls adieu saying that she is 95% sure she’ll be back with her rose.
She gets to the yacht. He says she looks amazing. They drink champagne and then someone hands Andy a note. It’s from the producers.
Dear Andy,
Looking fabulous kid. Fabulous.
Hey, we were wondering if you could re-enact that scene from Titanic where Leo and Kate are at the front of the boat pretending that they are flying? That would be great. We are trying to secure the rights from Paramount to show the blockbuster during sweeps in May. I’m sure they would LOVE this plug.
Oh…and please try to get in the hot tub later. We also feel the audience is ready for a real kiss, so if you could make that happen too…
Sincerely,
ABC Producers
Somewhere along the way, Play By the Vindictive Rules Stephanie decides to let her guard down and ask Lieutenant Andy what his idea wedding would be like.
What in the world?
He says that he wants it to be in Hawaii and for Elvis to be playing “Rock-A-Hula” in the background. (You would love that Mom!)
Feeling the pressure of losing him with that horrendous question, she decides to turn things back to basics. Hot tub time.
She arrives all wrapped up in her pashmina. She dramatically lets it fall to the floor, showing off her abs. And she’s got them!
Andy invites her to join him in the hot tub…warning her…that the water is HOT.
Insert Jim Halpert face here.
He gives her a rose.
She kisses him.
Cut to Steph in the limo.
“I got the first impression rose. I got the first date. I got the first kiss. He’s AWESOME…I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIM AGAIN. HE’S INCREDIBLE.”
She returns to the mansion, finding three girls on the stairs and seven in the living room, waiting for her return. She tells them ALL about it. She lies and says she got a peck on the cheek. Some of the girls think she is not telling the truth. How do we know what these girls think? Because Steph is listening at the door. Which is what crazy people do.
I’m just saying…
BEFORE THE ROSE CEREMONY
Lieutenant Andy has to narrow the field down from fifteen to twelve. (Please tell me you watched the end of the show to see four of our girls trying to do math on this delicate topic. Absolutely CLASSIC!)
Tina thinks she is going home because she is too ambitious. She wants to know how Andy feels. He says that she is stunning. Her octave goes up twelve notches and thanks him in a baby voice. He thinks it is sexy to be confident.
Peyton defends her sorority. She wants him to know that they inspire and offer so much to our collegiate women. She wants to know what he is looking for in a woman. He thinks it is important to inspire.
His originality on that one was incredible.
Steph knows that Alexis is a virgin. She knows because she has been dumped by a virgin before. I don’t even know what to do with this statement.
The twins arrive holding hands…again…in red dresses. They sit on the couch, sharing a Cosmopolitan with two straws. Lieutenant Andy asks to sit between them. After much consideration that took WAY TOO LONG to decide, they allow him to separate the union. They talk about how proud they are of their accomplishments at the competition and that they have found their soul mate. Unfortunately for Lieutenant Andy, they are talking about each other.
Amber takes him away. He can’t wait to see her. She takes him upstairs to show the bedroom of all the packed suitcases. Our Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman gets a little choked up at this site. This is REAL people. Someone is going to get hurt!
“I’m a healer. The thought of instilling pain doesn’t go well with my heart and mind.”
Gag.
Tessa tells him she is training for triathlon and if this doesn’t work out, she’ll see him later. Then asks if he wants a foot massage. He says she has tiny toes and comments on his own feet…which were bare. I nearly sicked out. Dude needed to keep his socks on!
To make matters worse, Gymnast Stephanie comes in with a round of shots. And then make a toast… “To relaxed feet!”
What am I watching?
Andy moves on to Danielle. We haven’t heard much from her. She’s been having swimmer’s ear since the pool competition. He gives it a kiss and she feels all better. She tells him she is a graphic designer and all she needs is her computer to do her work. She could move ANYWHERE.
Bevin needs to push the ladies back in.
Nicole missed her moment to kiss Andy while dancing.
Tessa has a nervous breakdown.
We leave for commercial break. Our host Chris Harrison asks the audience, “Who will lose their Office and Gentleman forever? Find out after the break.”
I’m pretty sure a little part of me died on the inside when he said that. Vomit.
ROSE CEREMONY
Lieutenant Andy thanks the girls for taking this risk with him. If they don’t get a rose, it’s because there was no connection. He throws them a bone and says that someone is out there for each one.
Roses are given to:
Tessa
Dani
Bev…she doesn’t look 28…I’m just saying
Amber
Stephanie Rose
Stephanie Gymnast
Kate…Shut up! No you shut up. Really
Nicole
Tina
PAYTAWN
Amanda
Cut to the twins…
“I think we are both going home…” YES
And then he calls Hef’s wife Erin. DOH
Next week, we see mud baths, fast driving cars, boot camp and a medical emergency with an ambulance and everything. Sweet!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
112 comments:
Well worth the wait, Lincee! I am still laughing!!!
Classic! Yes, Bevin looks to be at least 35! Either that, or she needs to stay out of the sun!
Great episode, but I found myself burying my head in the pillow too many times.
You are freaking hilarious!
Did he have to pick Erin? I can't remember which one I wanted instead of her...oh RIGHT! Alexis, the virign, I always root for the one with morals.
How about when Alexis was talking about being conservative and our boy says "I'm conservative but with all my travels I've become more open-minded". Translation: I've gotten it on with several women in each port I've been to.
That's probably why my husband rolls his eyes and says "This guy's been all over the world and he can't get laid?!" every time he walks in the living room.
Can't wait for the next blog!
~ANGELA~
myspace.com/speedy427
Thank God someone finally agreed with me on Andy looking like Bobby Brady! Bonus that it was Lincee herself! Love the show, love the blog.
Kristin from Nashville
So on the previews for next week, did anyone else think he was half smiling when asked if he was the medic and he replied "No, I'm the doctor". It felt a little Days of Our Lives-ish...Joey Tribbiani style.
I think our Lieutenant has a wierd body too! His ribs go too far up and he has wierd pecks! Glad you noticed that too Lincee...
Write up was great! So glad to have you and the show back! I just love it!! Don't know what i will do if it ever goes away!
Been with you since Firestone! He is still my favorite!
You're awesome! Well worth the wait today. Can't wait till next week! :)
I totally spelled virgin wrong, my bad...
What's with Stephanie's (first impression rose Stephanie) little baby teeth? Does anyone else think that her adult teeth never came in? She's not cute, and looked like a sack of dirty laundry on the drive home.
Tiffany's one-on-one date made me think she's never been on a date before. Can we say AKWARD??? Why is she even on the show?
Personally, I think he looks kind of like George Strait. Southern and charming all the way.
Great episode and hilarious recap!
Brittney in Houston
I'm with you erin! First Impression Rose Stephanie is NOT cute and her mouth/teeth are not attractive. I can't get over the way she straight up asked for the First Impression Rose in the first episode and he just gave it up to her!!! She also seemed a tad tipsy on her date with O&G!
Love the blog Lincee!!
Lincee!! You are RIGHT ON! You totally hit all the great points I knew you would. You make it soo much more fun to watch now... I just think, "What's Lincee jotting down now"... While I watch. Thanks! You should be published. Ever thought of writing a book?? (I'm just saying...)
Several of the women look much older than their stated ages! Too funny about his ribs - they did look odd.
I love that Stephanie didn't bother to get dressed, or even put a shirt on for the limo ride home. She walked in the door wearing her tube top and a beach towel, people!!
I can't believe he kept Hef's wife around - what an idiot.
"have you ever dated a doctor?" - "a little" - A little? What?! That made no sense! That was painful to watch.
Thanks, Lincee!
I watch the show just to read the blog. You are hysterical! Thank you for mentioning the car. I was hoping you would, and I have to agree about Stephanie having psycho tendencies. I think you have totally called that one...
Will you marry me, Lincee? This weeks is the best yet. My coworkers probably think I'm pretty bizarre, because I'm in here cracking up.
Someone on Television Without Pity linked to your blog and I LOVE it! Am laughing so hard. My observations of the night:
The producers totally made firt impression Stephanie wear that wrap so she could do the Titanic thing. So lame. And when she said, "Andy and I thought it would be fun to re-enact Titanic," I thought, a real man would never do that. I don't like her gummy smile. Although I find her in general more attractive looking than last week.
The comments about Susan and Erin were so right on! I was laughing at them all night. Susan deserved to be sent home just because she looks like she's 17.
I skipped this show the fast few seasons, but I'm loving this one.
“I got the first impression rose. I got the first date. I got the first kiss. He’s AWESOME…I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIM AGAIN. HE’S INCREDIBLE.”
Apparently, she has got a "big head" too.
This season is off to an excellent start. Here's my list:
1. LOVED the "NO HOLDING HANDS!" comment. I nearly fell off the couch.
2. Did anyone else find it odd that all the girls walked to the hot tub in their heels? Definitely the interns idea.
3. The vibrating bull was ridiculously embarrassing and awkward. One of the girls must've thought so too, since she held her boobs in place when they started jiggling.
4. Whose great idea was it to feed the girls mimosas before their mini-triathlon? The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman should know better. I kind of wished one of them had puked, though.
5. O&G's ribs ARE weird.
6. The virgin might've been kicked off, but I think she handled herself with more class than most women do when they're booted(see: Lindsay from Lawrence, KS)
7. I'm surprised Erin was picked. Susan started twitching towards the end of the ceremony. I was starting to think she was a robot shorting out or something when she realized she was going home.
8. I can't believe Stephanie actually said "Never let go!" to O&G while in Titanic mode. Bucket, please.
I can't wait for the medical emergency next week. And I say that with all the caring and compassion in the world.
I actually laughed out loud as I watched by myself in total amusement at the smack end of the show when Twin #1 said, after miscalculating the difference between 15 and 12 and coming up with four... "Oh, I did the math wrong. He'll give out five roses." Wow, now there's intelligence!
Then with the ever so funny comment about Andy calling for "Hef's wife" to accept the last rose - oh my. That's funny!!
You're hilarious. I'm still giggling!
Does anyone else think Tessa looks like former Bachelorette Meredith?
I can't stop giggling over "PAYTAWN", why the hell does he pronounce it this way?
I kept a tally of how many times the "...extra special quality one-on-one time" statement was used. I think I hit 7. Let's see if that's the new "Our most exciting episode yet..." for this season...
Can anyone confirm that Andy has herpes? I heard this from someone who supposedly knew him in college.
Everytime the twins Susan & Erin came on I thought of the girls from Hee Haw! What is up with Erin's lips?! Too many injections in both, but the bottom one will never be the same.
Have you noticed O&AG doesn't open his mouth when he talks, and as his eyes dilate his lips move less and less? I'm surprised the intern lets him drink so much.
Nicole's hair seems WAY TOO dark for her skin tone. She also looks 12 - can't find the attraction there.
Love the blog - I share it with my high school girlfriends - it's like we are right back in 1985!
As usual, you never disappoint us. As another native Texan- I totally agree with the whole bull riding thing. You do that down here and you're "one of those girls" for life.
Obviously there must be some strange reason that Barbie, aka- Hef's wife aka Erin- is still here. She must prove to be very entertaining this season.
As for psycho "Rose" Stephanie (like from the Titanic!!hee hee) in the words of my husband- damn, just get her a bag to wear on her head- then it's not so bad!
Tear- for Alexis (FYI she was in the Miss Texas pagent last year- Top 5 and all)
This season is going to ROCK! I think that Mr.McSqueaky Clean is going to end up being Mr.McPLAYA!
let SLUTAPALOOZA 2007 BEGIN!
Does anyone else wonder if that is really Andy's yacht?!
My favorite quote of the night ... think it was from the chick from Boston ... "this was great - this is the first time I've ever ended a date with the guy buying me a dress!"
yes, because that's how all my dates end ... what trolls has she been dating?!
Lincee, are you tracking how many hits your blog gets this season? I'd be curious to know.
I loved this week's recap - I love them all but I think this might rank among my favorites! I agree with whoever suggested you write a book. Or maybe write a great TV script! You'd have a loyal following from the get-go!!
what, no comment on Alexi's eyebrows jumping all over the place? awesome.
I was just wondering if anyone else noticed Bevin's bevy of tats? And what is up with Stephanie's ears? She looks like a car with the doors open.
I love good gossip more than anybody, but I think bringing up the herpes comment is a little bit unnecessary and not our place. I am a firm believer that you totally put yourself out there when sign up for reality t.v., but someones's sexual health isn't really public knowledge.
I'm just saying...
Girlfriend you rock!! Dare I say I enjoy you almost MORE than the show? I can hardly see to type through my tears of laughter!!!
Did feel sorry for Alexis, however-I wondered if the world would be ready for their offspring who would have huge, perfect, blindingly white teeth.
Props to her though, for not biting on the obvious attempt to force her hand at revealing whether she was a virgin.
Too bad the answer was written all over her face.
to megan, #7 on your list is so true! Now that I'm thinking back on Susan...yes she does in fact provoke the image of a robot. Good call!
I think Bevin and Amber have the most potential to win the competition. I think Bevin is really cute.
Susan looked like a Stepford Wife. She is really young and probably looking to get noticed on TV and not find a husband.
Herpes? Why would you bring that up? No one wants to hear about it true or not. FYI- I am pretty sure none of these people would be selected for the show if they had herpes or any STD/physical condition. They all have to undergo serious background checks and I think have medical checks too.
It's all right here: nervous twitches, weird abs, catty witches and Lincee keeping tabs!
Thanks for the recaps ~ I get to laugh all over again!
Totally agree about barbie shorting out, too funny! Like a stepford wife. Also noticed the jerky eyebrow on Alexis. So uncomfortable to watch. Nicole is Punky Brewster hoarse voice and all.
The Bachelor just would not be the same without your recaps, Lincee. I'm pretty sure I enjoy reading you the day after more than I enjoy the show itself. You are hysterical.
My two favs go up against each other for a rose on their two on one date with Andy .... Payton and Tessa. Sad ;o(
(Spoilers have shown which one stays.)
Oh My Gosh Erin my co-worker and I totally agree with you on Stephanie's teeth...eww!! Why are they so small and yellow and trashy looking. Not a fan of hers at all!
Loved Lincee's remark about Tiffany W waving lazily at her opportunity as it passed her by. T. seemed like someone who had wandered on to the set by mistake and hadn't a clue what the game called for, but I was sorry to see her leave the show. She's attractive--kind of a Leah Thompson, Back to the Future thing going on--and I felt sure she must have more personality than she found time to reveal in two episodes.
The yacht was clearly rented by ABC for the series to add some glamor to the BOAG's digs. Same with the "Buick."
My moment of guilty schadenfreude: watching the expressions of the still-roseless as the bouquet dwindled. They looked as if someone had cut loose a ripe one.
Stephanie W is clearly playing the role played last season by what's-her-name with straight, dark hair who tried on the wedding dress on one of the dates: it's the not-here-to-make-friends-with-the-other-girls, bitch-only-the-batch-likes role. Someone plays it every season. It's in the script. After all, this is pantomime we're watching.
Does anyone else wonder if that is really Andy's yacht?!
That's the yacht that ABC's having him stay in while his out there doing the show. I guess they did that because he's in the Navy (cheesy attempt to remain us that he's a sailor. IMHO.
I was thinking of the clothes that the girls wear. Do you think that ABC provided them with a wardrobe which they can select from or are those their clothes?
Seriously, the only great perk about being on the show is if they keep those dresses/outfits.
I totally agree, his ribcage looks very odd. But he's still pretty cute, even with a dorky hair cut.
Totally rootin' for Amber-so far!
His bare feet just about did me in. I don't need to see that, especially knowing they came out of sweaty loafers.
And the car? Lord have mercy. The car with those doors kills me every time.
What was he thinking keeping Hef's wife? He needed to get rid of both Barbie twins and keep Alexis. The twins were seriously lacking in my opinion. ABC needs to step up with their bachelorettes. Granted they have stereotypes to fill (the virgin, the psycho, etc.) but still - they need to branch out some.
I'm so glad that Lincee likes Andy. I'm seriously diggin' him. Who cares if he's a dork or has weird looking ribs, he still looks AMAZING and seems like a decent guy. He does humanitarian work for goodness sake! Seriously.
Brilliant Lincee, as always. I missed the first 15 minutes of the show b/c of a rock paper scissor tournament that I was in (don't ask), but didn't freak out because I knew you'd come through for me. You are seriously crackin' me up.
And I completely agree with you Meredith, a person's sexual health is no one's business but their own. We need to remember the difference in reality and reality tv.
Can't wait for next week!
I can't believe that no one has commented on First Impression Rose Stephanie's HUGE ears. Or maybe I didn't read that far down.
Did anyone notice when they were showing her in the hot tub she was a) wasted, b) had her huge bat ears showing and c) was slurring her words! I can't wait for her to get the boot!
kat from Dallas
Did anyone count how many times the girls mentioned that someone was going to get "super special quality alone time?"
oh, andy...you are like a life-size ken doll and you act like your string got pulled. he is SO mechanical...i miss andrew firestone. still my fave.
love your recaps!
I have been waiting and waiting and am so excited that you are on again about the Bachelor! You capture everything so well and I don't think that I would like the show otherwise!!!
Love the blog, Lincee....you never disappoint!!
I had been rooting for Bev up to this point, but have you noticed that she is always in the middle of the catty-ness? So now I love her even more (even if she does look like she's been rode hard and put away wet)!!
2:03PM - Great call on Nic as Punky Brewster...I'm SO bummed someone beat me to posting that observation!
Singing Tina (aka "Miss Saigon" to my politically-incorrect group that gathers for B:O&G Monday nights)looks "cute as a freggin' button" (I miss Blakeney), but so serious!! She definitely needs to get the boot in the next round, though...she does show some signs of jealousy in the previews!
Love Steph (aka "Gumby") eavesdropping on the girls...looks like we have a new Moana!!
oh no!! I had blocked out scary tramp stamp, moana!! now I'm going to have nightmares!
Great recap Lincee! Thanks for the laughs!
Did O&G really kiss Bev under water? Both she and Amber will go far I predict.
Is anyone rooting for Tina? Shes very outgoing, but also seems to demonstrate a strong sense of maturity. Tinas smart and very accomplished. Itd be nice to see the bachelor go for the brainy one. Not to mention a minority -- the bachelors always go for the blondes!
Well, I know that I was absent last season from the blog- but after I saw the show last night, there were a few things that I couldn’t let slide. First of all, last season really did nothing for me. I think things are going to change. Good see you are still strong as ever with your recaps Lincee!!!
Below are a few points, questions, comments about last night and this season,
1. I personally do not care for the new Bachelor. Let me expand on that, for some reason I hate this guy. I don’t know who all of you watch the Hills on MTV, but this guy just overtook Spencer on the Hills as my most hated TV personality, with Chaunte on Maui Fever coming in at a close third. What is up with this guy talking with out opening his mouth??? How can he be a Doctor- he seems like a complete idiot!?!?!?!? From this point forward I will be calling him Dr. DB (the “B” stands for bag and you can all figure out what the “D” stands for.) What is up with that car, someone is trying to make up for a lack somewhere else……. I often wonder why these guys on this show are still single, but it is very easy to see why this guy is still single!!!
2. What is up with the Twitchy Virgin??? She should know that the Virgin card will get you thrown off this show faster than anything but normally not this fast. Maybe it was that super weird twitch. Even with the twitch, I think she was the most attractive put together girl on the show. Nice job Dr. DB.
3. What is up with “Extra Special Time Together??” That sounds like something your mother makes you do with your retarded Brother. “Go spend a little Extra Special Time Together with Warren.”
4. What is up with Stephanie T and why does Dr. DB like her so much. Granted she has fake boobs and a nice body to go with it, but she is BUT UGLY. Huge ears, drawn on freaky eyebrows and she is all moley. Maybe Dr. DB is training to be a dermatologist and his mouth has been watering to get a hold of those melanomas all over her face, so he keeps her around. She needs to freeze those things off. What about when Dr. DB kissed her and I could see his upper lip touch one of her raised moles above her lip…YUCKO!!
Wasnt' steph dumped for a virgin not by a virgin??
He is so an old Bobby Brady. And doesn't Steph realize she is entering the Lisa zone--first to get a rose, way overconfident though shouldn't be, sure to go psycho on him, bringing up the wedding already...geez!
Cincia
i read your blog to my mother and she laughed out loud the entire time. as usual lincee...you are a genius!! by far the best part of this show! well done!!
Went to school with Bevin. She is definitly 28 and acting just like she did then! Good for her for being herself!
Awesome blog! Thanks for putting it together.
I'm making a prediction: Peyton will get the final rose. I like her because she seems to have a true inner core. I also liked that she was willing to leave to party to go check on Tessa. That showed some strong character.
I actually think first impression rose Stephanie is cute.
Peyton? Final rose? Yawn. Short of having a job that makes her interesting (and I mean "interesting" in a tool-ish way), she's a total snooze.
Stephanie is cute...if you like glow worms.
I can't believe this hasn't come up: can we say "Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie"??????
And he chose ERIN????? Gag.
As a fellow Kansan, I have to root for Stephanie Kansas.
I actually think Nicole has a Sophia Bush thing going on. She is cute and not all throwing herself at him.
Girl who know Bevin- Why has she been on her own since she was 15?? What is up with all her tats? I think she seems really cool and hope she wins!
How rude was Stephanie when she was asking Alexis "Who here do you think is the virgin?". It's just so rude!
You can go here and try got save Studio 60. Love that show!!!
http://www.petitiononline.com/studio60/petition.html
One would think that I would learn not to take a drink while reading your recap! Dr. Pepper burns when it shoots through your nose, and it's not that easy to clean off of your monitor!!
There have been many comparisons made in regards to who our Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman looks like. The Zack Morris was a little far reaching; the Bobby Brady reference is a good one; but does no one see that he looks like Hubbel (Robert Redford from "The Way We Were" for you younguns)??? Who will be his Katie?
Anonymous 8:12 am: THANK YOU for the online petition to save Studio 60! I love that show!!!!
Lincee,
I used to get your email way back when through a string of Fwds. Anyways, You are hilarious and I love the recaps. I had no idea you had a blog until today. I will definately be checking in alot!! Keep up the good work! You make my Tuesday mornings happy!!
Nic as Sophia Bush... not seeing it. Sophia Bush is beautiful, Nic not so much. Did we forget about the drunk cake making episode? She seems more like a buddy a guy would hang out and have a beer with, not marry.
This is a really funny review as well! Check it out...
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=bachelor/review1
Speaking of saving shows... what happened to Men in Trees? Love that show, reminded me of Northern Exposure with more action.
Rose Stephanie does have mucked up teeth and Spock ears, but Lincee what about her eyebrows? Or should I say lack thereof!!!!! You would think that the ABC intern would have confiscated her tweezers by now!
lincee:
you are the funniest and most talented writer. abc should pay you for thinking what we all do at home...
when he said that line about being a healer i swear he was reading from a cue card. LOL.
congrats on the funny stuff.
pnut
So many blogs, so little time. My daughter, who's name is Brooke and who happens to live in Oklahoma, (see earlier comment- that may be her) gave me your blog site and told me that I must come visit and read. When am I going to make room for one more blog to read? Anywhoo, I will be back for the giggles and guess I'll have to start watching that show again. Come visit me at The Asylum some time.
Where is our Host, Chris Harrion? And Straight Lawyer John? Come on, you guys, chime in!
Hey Chris Harrion - invite Lincee back to "Women Tell All" this year! You know whe deserves to be there - Lincee is the reason "The Bachelor" ratings don't tank!
oops! My "s" key sometimes sticks! Make that Chris Harrison!
Actually, Chris Harrison, most spectacular host, that is TRUE!
I did not watch "The Bachelor" last year, but a friend of mine did and used to email me the link to Lincee's blog.
Lincee made me LOL so much that her blog TRULY IS the reason I am watching this year.
~Jennifer in Virginia
3. What is up with “Extra Special Time Together??” That sounds like something your mother makes you do with your retarded Brother. “Go spend a little Extra Special Time Together with Warren.”
omg, the above made me laugh uncontrolably for about 10 minutes. I love it!
Well done yet again Lincee!
I'm so siked about Boot Camp. I hope O&G gives Stephanie (Rose) the boot soon - I can't stand her much longer!
love the show....LOVE the blog!
Hey! 7:14! Please don't insult glow worms by comparing them to that slutty Stephanie! That was my favorite toy as a child. Sniff.
Yes I so thought they were Paris and Nicole the entire night. I have been meaning to post it, but been busy. Just reading it.
Also I read in Cosmo yesterday that Andy was Bachelor of the month in November 2005 (I believe that is the correct year).
in case anyone was wondering about pay-tawn...
http://www.tridelta.org/exec_office/Executive_Office_Staff_Directory/directory_detail.asp?blobID=3903
OK PayTawn's webpage makes this way too easy. But it must be said:
"Delta Delta Delta, can I help ya, help ya, help ya?"
Please let this be said at some point this season!!
LMFAO at the Hef's girlfriend comment!!! I am actually choking! I can't tell you how much I look forward to reading your updates.
ok - I'm just now watching the Bachelor (I love tivo) - WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME THAT BEV IS TATOOED UP MO-WANNA STYLE!!
LMFAO at the Hef's girlfiend comment! I am actually choking from laughing so hard. I truly look forward to reading your udates each week. Can't wait for next week!
Did anyone catch Stephanie botch the most famous line from Titanic? "We're flying?!"
Uh, no honey, it's "I'm the King of the World."
Mental giant, that one.
As usual, a brilliant blog Lincee!
Straight Guy #3 - HYSTERICAL!! ...retarded brother... TOO FUNNY!!
Was O&G wearing a denim blazer on the mechanical bull date?
I usually don't show my face around here two weeks straight but Lincee deserves it and she's welcome to come to any specials we do as my guest.
Couple notes:
The car is a Saleen and that probably means something to somebody who cares about cars... not me.
The Yacht is of course borrowed and yes its a cheesy Navy tie in... okay we're busted, yes we're cheesy as can be.
Had to prepare you for next weeks episode as I just watched it this morning and its probably one of the best in about 3 years. Not only do we kick it off with boot camp (laughing thinking about it) but the 2 on 1 date that ends on the deck of an aircraft carrier is above and beyond. Get your rest before next week Lincee, you'll need extra focus, energy and Dr P.
Lincee,
Love your blog as much as I love the show. Nothing is better than see these broads cry after not getting a rose. Talking about hot broads ru single?
Somebody on this blog said it best...the only reason to watch this show is for Lincee's recaps!!! I have to say I tried to stay away from the show but have been sucked in yet again. Thank you Lincee for making this show worth the time I spend watching it!! Oh and I do appreciate Chris Harrison too...he must have great stories to tell his family when he gets home from work each day!! WOW!!!
Lincee, I was in Target the other day and saw the Spring Oreos and turned to my friend and remarked on how I wondered if you had purchased your spring stash of those yet!! I cannot see "themed" Oreos and not think of you!!
I read that someone said that Andy beats out Spencer from The Hills on dorkiness...I am not sure anyone can beat that kid in the "Television's Most Terrible" Contest...Spencer wins my vote hands down!!!
I have always said that men that drive cars like the one that Andy has are just trying to make up for their shortcomings in other areas. i.e. "Little Man's Syndrome" and I'm not talking about his height...Holla if you hear me!! I also have a sneaking suspicion that Andy thinks he is so cool in that car that on the way home from one of his dates he may just offer one of the bachelorettes the "opportunity of a lifetime" and let her drive his fabulous ride. **Note to the men on this blog...that does not turn us girls on, it makes us want to barf all over the interior of your hideous car!! And what it says to us is...my stick isn't worth driving so here...I'll let you drive my car!!
Lincee, I just had to say that I checked out some other Bach blogs (including the ESPN sports gal) and they have NOTHING on you! I hope the Bachelor is an ongoing series for years to come so I can enjoy your clever, hilarious observations!!
I love the straight guy posts... this includes our host Chris Harrison. I simply can't WAIT for boot camp.
Going to answers some of the questions on this message board in my next post.
I think what I love (not as much as Lincee's recaps of course) is how checking in here every couple of days to read comments, keeps the show going all week for me! And yes, I DO need to get a life!!
This past week I watched the last half an hour and then went back and caught the first hour. I was mad that he picked Heff's Erin, but once I saw the whole episode, I realized he didn't really have much of a choice! It'll be interesting to see how Erin fares without her sidekick there.
Loving it all! And can't wait for next week.
I interpreted Tiffany's attitude on her date not as laziness, but as complete disinterest in O&G. She didn't seem attrected to him, which explaines her aloofness. He's probably not her type.
Do any of you have myspace information for any of these "ladies"?
Lincee, did you see the shark/ dolphin in the waves when Andy&Amber sat at the beach? It was hilarious when Erin walked back to the girls after she got a rose and Susan turns the other way.
Love you blog!
Thanks to our host Chris Harrison for joining us again this week! Lincee, sure hope you take our host up on his offer of attending the special as his guest. Let's just hope he gives you the shout out that you so rightfully deserve this time! Go Lincee!
I haven't read down far enough to know if someone has mentioned this already, but he totally came to Sugar Land for a hometown date. Which means that Teacher Amber makes it to the final four.
Oh and I saw in Us Weekly that Prince Lorenzo has moved onto his 3rd fling from his season....Erica Rose from Houston. Remember, her occupation was listed as "socialite"?
ITA with Canuck Susy. Oh my gosh, I'm beginning to think that I read the blog only to see what the comments are going to be.
Oh Snap, you had me dying. That was hysterical.
I'm on board with those who miss Firestone! Am I the only one who misses Travis? Those were my two favorite bachelors....
Why oh why did Stephanie (SC) have to take the psycho Lisa approach and start talking about weddings on the second date. Is it because she knows that she's only impersonating a good looking person, and her Cinderella ball might come to an end soon? At least psycho Lisa was attractive....
a.d., YES - you are the ONLY one who misses Travis!! heehee
I miss Charlie!!! I'll admit though, I didn't watch Firestone's season, and he seems to be a fave.
Here's some trivia for y'all...remember back in the Byron days, the first episode had TWO bachelors for the girls to choose from? Byron and some Jay guy...
Also, remember the season with football player Jesse had a "spy" amongst the girls, one of Jesse's girl friends?
ABC sure has gotten creative over the years!!
3:21 - no spoilers!!! Lincee, please remove all future spoilers....some of us have serious money riding on the Rose Ceremony game on abc.com!!!
Although...Amber in the final 4, not much of a shocker I guess. Just no more...for some of us, The Bachelor is ALL WE HAVE!! hahaha
I'm sorry but how kewl is it that our host Chris Harrison not only reads the blog but comments on it. That's great.
Can't wait for next week!
6:02... I think it's kinda humorous that you asked Lincee to remove the post with the spoiler, and then you included the info in your post.
Thanks for the chuckle. :)
I'm sure many won't see this so I'll post after Lincee's next recap - but Nicole is so much like Lisa LaPorte (Designed to Sell and Designer's Challenge on HGTV) and since that's where our host, Chris, got his start (Designer's Challenge) I thought that was extra funny - they look alike and have the same squeaky voice.
In my view one and all may read this.
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