I have to say, last night was one of my favorite episodes in a long time. Love was in the air. Hot tubs were bubbling. Snot ran from noses. Knifes protruded from the backs of designer dresses. About 13 f-bombs dropped on national TV.
It just doesn’t get any better than that people.
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
It just doesn’t get any better than that people.
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this witty banter and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying spaghetti O’s or have a Pilates instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show...none of this is personal and I'm sure they are all lovely people.
Our Host Chris Harrison starts the episode reminding the Bachelorettes that there are only nine women left in the hunt. There will be three dates: a special one-on-one, a group date and a two-on-one.
One-On-One
Jenni Couric
“Come Fly With Me”
Jenni Couric is super excited to get the one-on-one date with Brad. She tells the camera that she’s been waiting for this her whole life (what?) and wants to kiss him on his neck.
Who doesn’t Jenni?
The girls squeal at the arrival of the helicopter. The poor ABC botanical technician is ticked because rose petals and baby’s breathe go flying everywhere when the chopper lands on the back lawn. Miss Couric braves the flying debris with the other eight girls and tackles our Bachelor as he exits the craft. She hangs on to his waist for dear life. Brad tells her how beautiful she is. She flashes her Phoenix Sun’s smile at the other ladies and buries her head in his neck, using this opportunity to take a quick nibble. Brad, the gentleman that he is, addresses the other girls as Jenni “absent-mindedly” holds his hand. He then pushes her hair out of her face (first point for Couric) and waves goodbye to the not-so-lucky group. They all wave back and say, “BYE” in enthusiastic unison. All but DeAHnna and McCracken that is…
Jade tells the camera that the physical attraction Brad has for Couric is obvious. The hand holding, the touching, the grabbing…not a good sign.
Bettina wonders if Jenni is in this for Brad…or if it is all about the competition.
Hillary thinks they have sexual chemistry and it makes her want to throw up. Jade empathetically strokes her hair for comfort. Hil feels like her boyfriend has just left with the hottest girl ever and then drops the first f-bomb.
I’m just going to go out on a limb here and thank ABC for keeping Hillary. The Bachelor is just no good without a resident psycho. I’m just saying.
Meanwhile, during an amazing crotch shot up Jenni’s short green dress, Brad points out buildings and concludes that this is the coolest thing he has ever done. They land on a roof to have dinner on a lame set-up the ABC intern pulled out of his butt. Metal bar stools around a tiny metal table. Probably going for some sleek, mainstream analogy that has to do with architecture, but I didn’t get it.
Jenni can’t stop smiling and confides that she is nervous. Brad tells her not to worry, because since the beginning, he’s been waiting for this moment. He is very happy that he is with her and has wanted this…so badly.
“…so badly.” Second point for Couric.
Brad then brings up the kiss. Couric says that she can’t stop thinking about it. She also can’t stop thinking about the rose and admits that if he doesn’t give it to her PRONTO, she might jump off the building. She wants to focus on HIM…not the rose.
Back at the Bachelorette pad, the rest of the girls are trying to make small talk. Jade says that it sucks the way DD and McCracken talk to other people. Stephy wishes they would ask their questions in a nicer way. McCracken says life would be boring if they didn’t. Jade says they attack everyone in the house. DD interrupts and Jade drops the second f-bomb of the night out of sheer frustration.
Jade: “If you want me to have an opinion, let me f-ing say it!”
DDAH: “The floor is yours.”
Jade: “I’m done now.”
DDAH: rolls eyes to McCracken
Lincee: Imaginary high five to the ABC intern for setting THAT up!
Back on the rooftop, Brad and Couric move from cold, metal stools to uncomfortable trendy couch, complete with handy cashmere throw. Jenni says that she wants to see him tomorrow. She says she is selfish and wants him all to herself. She then gets a little chachy on us and tells Brad that the rose is sitting all by its lonesome and needs a friend. Brad hands her the rose, touches her face (point three) and says that he’s been waiting to do that all night. She inhales the fragrance and tells him that she’s saved every rose he’s given her.
This turns Brad on and he growls in a low gruff voice, “Come here to me…please.” (Heaven forbid if he breaks the southern gentleman charm and forgets to add the please at the end.) Then they make out.
Our Host Chris Harrison starts the episode reminding the Bachelorettes that there are only nine women left in the hunt. There will be three dates: a special one-on-one, a group date and a two-on-one.
One-On-One
Jenni Couric
“Come Fly With Me”
Jenni Couric is super excited to get the one-on-one date with Brad. She tells the camera that she’s been waiting for this her whole life (what?) and wants to kiss him on his neck.
Who doesn’t Jenni?
The girls squeal at the arrival of the helicopter. The poor ABC botanical technician is ticked because rose petals and baby’s breathe go flying everywhere when the chopper lands on the back lawn. Miss Couric braves the flying debris with the other eight girls and tackles our Bachelor as he exits the craft. She hangs on to his waist for dear life. Brad tells her how beautiful she is. She flashes her Phoenix Sun’s smile at the other ladies and buries her head in his neck, using this opportunity to take a quick nibble. Brad, the gentleman that he is, addresses the other girls as Jenni “absent-mindedly” holds his hand. He then pushes her hair out of her face (first point for Couric) and waves goodbye to the not-so-lucky group. They all wave back and say, “BYE” in enthusiastic unison. All but DeAHnna and McCracken that is…
Jade tells the camera that the physical attraction Brad has for Couric is obvious. The hand holding, the touching, the grabbing…not a good sign.
Bettina wonders if Jenni is in this for Brad…or if it is all about the competition.
Hillary thinks they have sexual chemistry and it makes her want to throw up. Jade empathetically strokes her hair for comfort. Hil feels like her boyfriend has just left with the hottest girl ever and then drops the first f-bomb.
I’m just going to go out on a limb here and thank ABC for keeping Hillary. The Bachelor is just no good without a resident psycho. I’m just saying.
Meanwhile, during an amazing crotch shot up Jenni’s short green dress, Brad points out buildings and concludes that this is the coolest thing he has ever done. They land on a roof to have dinner on a lame set-up the ABC intern pulled out of his butt. Metal bar stools around a tiny metal table. Probably going for some sleek, mainstream analogy that has to do with architecture, but I didn’t get it.
Jenni can’t stop smiling and confides that she is nervous. Brad tells her not to worry, because since the beginning, he’s been waiting for this moment. He is very happy that he is with her and has wanted this…so badly.
“…so badly.” Second point for Couric.
Brad then brings up the kiss. Couric says that she can’t stop thinking about it. She also can’t stop thinking about the rose and admits that if he doesn’t give it to her PRONTO, she might jump off the building. She wants to focus on HIM…not the rose.
Back at the Bachelorette pad, the rest of the girls are trying to make small talk. Jade says that it sucks the way DD and McCracken talk to other people. Stephy wishes they would ask their questions in a nicer way. McCracken says life would be boring if they didn’t. Jade says they attack everyone in the house. DD interrupts and Jade drops the second f-bomb of the night out of sheer frustration.
Jade: “If you want me to have an opinion, let me f-ing say it!”
DDAH: “The floor is yours.”
Jade: “I’m done now.”
DDAH: rolls eyes to McCracken
Lincee: Imaginary high five to the ABC intern for setting THAT up!
Back on the rooftop, Brad and Couric move from cold, metal stools to uncomfortable trendy couch, complete with handy cashmere throw. Jenni says that she wants to see him tomorrow. She says she is selfish and wants him all to herself. She then gets a little chachy on us and tells Brad that the rose is sitting all by its lonesome and needs a friend. Brad hands her the rose, touches her face (point three) and says that he’s been waiting to do that all night. She inhales the fragrance and tells him that she’s saved every rose he’s given her.
This turns Brad on and he growls in a low gruff voice, “Come here to me…please.” (Heaven forbid if he breaks the southern gentleman charm and forgets to add the please at the end.) Then they make out.
I have to admit that I wanted to be Jenni Couric at that moment. Am I right? or am I right...
Group Date
“There’s nothing sexier than a woman’s laugh. Come show me yours.”
Sheena
McCarten
Hillary
Bettina
Kristy
Stephy
Even though he is a self-made Austin millionaire, Brad is not a refined person. He like to kick back and laugh. He wants to see who can just have fun. He doesn’t want anybody who is shy and reserved.
He takes them to a comedy club in a double decker bus and tells them that THEY are the show. All of them will be performing today.
Hillary embraces the spotlight.
McCarten rolls her eyes as she clucks like a chicken during warm-ups.
And Kristy starts to cry.
The teachers share a secret with the girls…if you feel stupid, you are doing it right. They begin with a prop improv. The rules are: use the prop in any way that it is not meant to be used traditionally.
First prop: A pink pointed party hat
Hillary: holds the cone and says, “Things are bigger in Texas.” Classy innuendo Hill.
Bettina: holds cone like a megaphone and yells, “I love you Brad!”
Kristy: deer in the headlights and whispers, “Pass.”
Hillary: puts cone up to boob and sings, “Vogue, vogue, vogue.”
Brad taps a cowbell this whole time which I loved. We need more cowbell in this world.
Second prop: a feather boa
Bettina: walks up with boa, chickens out and goes back to the group laughing at herself. After much encouragement from Brad, she returns to the front, holds the boa in front of herself and says, “I forgot to shave.”
Group Date
“There’s nothing sexier than a woman’s laugh. Come show me yours.”
Sheena
McCarten
Hillary
Bettina
Kristy
Stephy
Even though he is a self-made Austin millionaire, Brad is not a refined person. He like to kick back and laugh. He wants to see who can just have fun. He doesn’t want anybody who is shy and reserved.
He takes them to a comedy club in a double decker bus and tells them that THEY are the show. All of them will be performing today.
Hillary embraces the spotlight.
McCarten rolls her eyes as she clucks like a chicken during warm-ups.
And Kristy starts to cry.
The teachers share a secret with the girls…if you feel stupid, you are doing it right. They begin with a prop improv. The rules are: use the prop in any way that it is not meant to be used traditionally.
First prop: A pink pointed party hat
Hillary: holds the cone and says, “Things are bigger in Texas.” Classy innuendo Hill.
Bettina: holds cone like a megaphone and yells, “I love you Brad!”
Kristy: deer in the headlights and whispers, “Pass.”
Hillary: puts cone up to boob and sings, “Vogue, vogue, vogue.”
Brad taps a cowbell this whole time which I loved. We need more cowbell in this world.
Second prop: a feather boa
Bettina: walks up with boa, chickens out and goes back to the group laughing at herself. After much encouragement from Brad, she returns to the front, holds the boa in front of herself and says, “I forgot to shave.”
Kristy’s turn! Wait. Nope. She passes again. She’s not comfortable being put on the spot and feels ridiculous.
Challenge: Beg for a rose as if you were a dog.
It was so bad, I’m embarrassed to type the words. Hillary said something stupid. Sheena rolled on her back and asked for a belly rub. My ears are still bleeding from shoving my pen down as far as my brain would allow. Let’s just not go there.
Challenge: Dating show
Hill: dressed up like a cheerleader says, “You are so hot you make my pom poms sweat.” She follows that up with the “Give me a B” cheer and spells out Brad.
Kristy: dressed like a cowgirl says, “My name is sugar and I’m looking for a little spice.”
You could have heard crickets chirping in that auditorium if I hadn’t been laughing my butt off at that moment. Classic Bachelor. Rewind. Play. Laugh. Wipe eyes. Rewind. Play. Laugh. Wipe eyes.
Poor Kristy. Bless her heart. She goes for plan B and turns on the tears.
“I’m so mad (sniff) that I didn’t step up to the plate. It’s really (snort) important for you to see fun side of me. Now I’m panicky (gag) and crying. I only have (snort) so many (choke) chances to show you the real me.”
But Brad prefers potty humor to waterworks and gives the rose to Bettina and her feather boa.
Which makes Bettina fall madly in love with Brad. And when I say “madly” I’m being literal. Might be a little crazy in those eyes…I’m just saying.
Two-On-One Date
DDAHnna
Jade
Nice! ABC arranged for the two girls who HATE each other to be on the two-on-one date. For some reason Jenni Couric reads the date box rhyme constructed by her boy toy Brad. (Did anyone else think this was odd?)
“Tonight there is just one rose. One stays…one goes.” Then she sucks in some air, purses her lips, mouths the word “ouch” and dangles her rose in front of them before she skips off to hang it with the other roses from the chandelier above her bed using a hair clip.
The girls pack their 12 bags of luggage and leave them by the door.
Jade is not going to let DDAHnna walk away with the rose. He thinks Brad will see through her fakeness. DDAHnna thinks she is more compatible.
Unfortunately, the ABC intern forgot to book another date night and re-uses the one from Jenni Couric’s date. The three are on a rooftop and Brad opens the conversation with a serious topic:
Brad: “I’ve been missing out on that one special person…I want to find her. With that said, what do you think about moving to Austin?”
Jade: “I’m fine with that. I’ve lived in Canada before.”
DDAH: “I packed myself and moved to Nashville after school.”
Jade: “I’ve lived in 34 of the United States and have 11 stamps in my passport.”
DDAH: “I’ve just booked a trip to Mars and plan on wintering there.”
Brad: “Interesting. You seem independent.”
Jade (interrupting): “I relate to that. I started working at 16.”
DDAH: “I worked at 14.”
Jade: “My mom had me shucking corn when we lived in Nebraska when I was 10, so HA!”
Alone time with Brad:
Jade: “I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure.”
Brad: “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You are confident and beautiful.”
MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! ABORT JADE! START CRYING! HE CAN’T HANDLE THE CRYING! BITE THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH IF YOU HAVE TO!
Cut to the Bachelorette pad:
“How does everyone feel about getting engaged?” is asked with an enthusiastic YES answered by all the girls excluding Bettina. She’s bold now that she has her hot pink feather boa and decides…to go there…
Bettina: “Do you know what marriage is? You can’t be on this show and commit to a relationship after six weeks. I know. I’ve been married before.”
GASPS!!! The other look at her in wonder and poke her with a stick. This rare “divorced” creature is indeed a sight to behold.
Hill: “If you know…you know. People give up too easily. I personally wouldn’t want to date someone who’s been married. You’d have to kick the tires every once in a while to see if she’s still running.”
Spoken like a true idiot.
Jade (interrupting): “I relate to that. I started working at 16.”
DDAH: “I worked at 14.”
Jade: “My mom had me shucking corn when we lived in Nebraska when I was 10, so HA!”
Alone time with Brad:
Jade: “I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure.”
Brad: “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You are confident and beautiful.”
MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! ABORT JADE! START CRYING! HE CAN’T HANDLE THE CRYING! BITE THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH IF YOU HAVE TO!
Cut to the Bachelorette pad:
“How does everyone feel about getting engaged?” is asked with an enthusiastic YES answered by all the girls excluding Bettina. She’s bold now that she has her hot pink feather boa and decides…to go there…
Bettina: “Do you know what marriage is? You can’t be on this show and commit to a relationship after six weeks. I know. I’ve been married before.”
GASPS!!! The other look at her in wonder and poke her with a stick. This rare “divorced” creature is indeed a sight to behold.
Hill: “If you know…you know. People give up too easily. I personally wouldn’t want to date someone who’s been married. You’d have to kick the tires every once in a while to see if she’s still running.”
Spoken like a true idiot.
Let’s get back to Brad’s alone time with DDAHnna:
DDAH: (read in robotic tone) “I want to be honest. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I want to be here. I want the chance to fall in love with you. You are going to do what your heart tells you to do and I hope that’s me.”
Let’s face it. I do think boys like the chase. But if you are not “that girl” then you have to put it out there that you want him. DDAHnna did that. Jade did not.
We see Brad saying goodbye to Jade. He talks about it being horrible thing he had to do. I have to admire him for not getting all touchy feely with her. He even kept his hands crossed over his chest as a sign of tough love. The camera shows him shutting the door on their relationship and then cuts inside to the session with the ABC psychotherapist.
And next comes the brilliant ABC editing. Really. Kudos my friends.
Jade crying in limo: “I’m shocked to be going home.”
[Cut to steam rising across the skyline on the rooftop. Pan down to show bubbling hot tub surrounded by millions of tiny candles.]
Jade: “I really wish he could have seen through her.”
[Cut to tight shot of Brad’s tight abs. Man he is hotter than crap. DDAHnna enters the shot in teeny tiny bikini. They sink into the tub holding champagne glasses.]
Jade: “DD doesn’t deserve my happy ending.”
[Long lingering shot of DD and Brad making out in hot tub. They slowly go out of focus and we see a single red rose in the foreground.]
That’s art.
[Cut to steam rising across the skyline on the rooftop. Pan down to show bubbling hot tub surrounded by millions of tiny candles.]
Jade: “I really wish he could have seen through her.”
[Cut to tight shot of Brad’s tight abs. Man he is hotter than crap. DDAHnna enters the shot in teeny tiny bikini. They sink into the tub holding champagne glasses.]
Jade: “DD doesn’t deserve my happy ending.”
[Long lingering shot of DD and Brad making out in hot tub. They slowly go out of focus and we see a single red rose in the foreground.]
That’s art.
ROSE CEREMONY
Hillary is concerned. The mood is somber. She wishes people would lighten up.
McCracken: “The mood is more somber because two of us are going home.”
DDAH: “No. The mood is somber because you all are going out with my boyfriend.”
Kristy steals some alone time with Brad and babbles on about being guarded and how she was glad Brad saw her cry and get emotional. Because she is an onion and has layers. Brad then points out that she is not an onion. She is a classy refined chocolate covered strawberry. What if he wants nachos? Can she be a messy runny nacho?
Sheena hears that crying gets you a rose, so she uses her last chance to tear up. She tells him she is there for all the right reasons and doesn’t want to go home. Being Brad, he pulls her into his shoulder so she can cry it out.
After wiping the tears from Sheena’s eyes, Brad wanders over to Kristy, Bettina, DDAHnna and McCracken. They want to know who was the first person he kissed on the show. I won’t go into the unfortunate way they asked him this question. Just trust me on this one…
When they find out it was Jenni Couric, for some reason, all hell breaks loose. Bettina calls her a slut and a liar.
(Remember that crazy we talked about?)
The group investigates:
“Did you kiss him or he kiss you?”
JC: “He kissed me.”
DDAH: “Did you think Jade was coming back?”
JC: “I felt you were someone he would be attracted to, so I prayed for her to come back.”
Bettina: “What about him? Don’t you want him to find someone to be happy with?”
JC: “Yeah?”
Bettina: “So why would you pray for him to not find happiness?”
JC: “Because I want it to be me he ends up with.”
Bettina: “I’m surprised that you are treating this like a game.”
Hi. Bettina? It’s the ABC Producers. Yeah…uhm, this little “adventure” you are on is called the Bachelor. It’s a reality show. A “game” if you will. Did we not explain to you the rules of this show before you signed up to “win” the heart of the man of your dreams?
Alone time with Jenni Couric:
Brad: “I miss you.”
JC: “I miss you too.”
What number of points are we on? Four? Five?
Biggest laugh of the night:
MCC: “I wonder who is going home tonight?”
DDAH: “NOT ME!”
Sadly, McCracken and Stephy were sent packing along with Jade. Super pumped that he kept crazy Hillary and as last night’s sneak peek of next week’s episode shows, there is going to be some major drama and hyperventilation as she gets booted to the curb.
And poor Sheena falls down the stairs. I. Might. Die.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
McCracken: “The mood is more somber because two of us are going home.”
DDAH: “No. The mood is somber because you all are going out with my boyfriend.”
Kristy steals some alone time with Brad and babbles on about being guarded and how she was glad Brad saw her cry and get emotional. Because she is an onion and has layers. Brad then points out that she is not an onion. She is a classy refined chocolate covered strawberry. What if he wants nachos? Can she be a messy runny nacho?
Sheena hears that crying gets you a rose, so she uses her last chance to tear up. She tells him she is there for all the right reasons and doesn’t want to go home. Being Brad, he pulls her into his shoulder so she can cry it out.
After wiping the tears from Sheena’s eyes, Brad wanders over to Kristy, Bettina, DDAHnna and McCracken. They want to know who was the first person he kissed on the show. I won’t go into the unfortunate way they asked him this question. Just trust me on this one…
When they find out it was Jenni Couric, for some reason, all hell breaks loose. Bettina calls her a slut and a liar.
(Remember that crazy we talked about?)
The group investigates:
“Did you kiss him or he kiss you?”
JC: “He kissed me.”
DDAH: “Did you think Jade was coming back?”
JC: “I felt you were someone he would be attracted to, so I prayed for her to come back.”
Bettina: “What about him? Don’t you want him to find someone to be happy with?”
JC: “Yeah?”
Bettina: “So why would you pray for him to not find happiness?”
JC: “Because I want it to be me he ends up with.”
Bettina: “I’m surprised that you are treating this like a game.”
Hi. Bettina? It’s the ABC Producers. Yeah…uhm, this little “adventure” you are on is called the Bachelor. It’s a reality show. A “game” if you will. Did we not explain to you the rules of this show before you signed up to “win” the heart of the man of your dreams?
Alone time with Jenni Couric:
Brad: “I miss you.”
JC: “I miss you too.”
What number of points are we on? Four? Five?
Biggest laugh of the night:
MCC: “I wonder who is going home tonight?”
DDAH: “NOT ME!”
Sadly, McCracken and Stephy were sent packing along with Jade. Super pumped that he kept crazy Hillary and as last night’s sneak peek of next week’s episode shows, there is going to be some major drama and hyperventilation as she gets booted to the curb.
And poor Sheena falls down the stairs. I. Might. Die.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
91 comments:
Great post!! :)
Your posts make my Tuesdays! The "Not Me" comment might be one of my all time favorite moments.
I gotta say...I didn't think last night's episode was that entertaining but your blog made me want to watch it again!
Can't wait for the hyperventilating next week. Awesome.
Seriously, woman, you are a genius. One thing I noticed, and I don't know why it didn't hit me before: this is the first bachelor in quite some time (ever?) that you've not assigned a nickname. Are you in love? Or is it just a game?! :)
So, why do you think they showed us that Hillary gets the boot next week? They NEVER show us who's getting kicked off. What's the motive or trick behind this? ABC's always got one.
Good point -- what if he DOES want nachos? These gals should know by now that a full buffet is required to even try to win the bachelor.
Thanks for the laugh. :o)
CLASSIC! I was laughing out loud reading this ...
When he was asking Kristy about her being too refined, I wanted her to say "I can be Jello" and him say "Creme brulee can't be Jello. You can't be Jello."
I effing love your blog...you are so effing entertaining. This bachelor and his sense of humor is cracking me up.. I love all the women turning on the faucets of tears to make sure they stay. you are very talented with your writing.
hee hee Lincee! Loved it as usual! Miss you! Tam
CLassic. I agree, one of the best episodes of late. Much better than last week.
I actually really like Jenn. Totally agree with the conclusion that Bettina is kinda crazy. She may keep it hidden better than poor Hillary, but it's in there. Just give her time.
Loved it, but you left out my favorite comment as McCrecken was leaving she says "He could have been the father of my children OR my husband" Wouldn't want him to be both or anything! Hilarious!
I honestly think Hillary gets some bad news. Hyperventilates and leaves of her own accord.
LOVED your recap! Hilarous as always and the highlight of my Tuesdays! Now I can get back to work since I won't be checking for your new post every 5 minutes. hee hee.
Love Love Love your blog. Long time reader first time poster. I always laugh and agree with you.
But when you finished up this last post with "I. Might. Die." I actually spit a little of my soda out...
You made my Tuesday!!!
I too am curious as to ABC spilling the beans that Hil-psycho is leaving! They were cautious with the wording though... using "leaving" the show rather than "sent home." Not sure what those crazy ABC folks are up to, but I am not falling for it! Must be a ploy...
Looks to me like Sheena may be the dark horse, but she is really young for him. I too really like Jenn, but this much face time at this point probably means she'll be dumped as runner-up.
Greatness once again Lincee! You rock my Tuesdays!
Two things- First of all, Love love love the blog, couldn't love it more. Secondly, I want to say that I love how I continue to laugh AFTER I have ready your blog by all the hilarities I read in these comments section. Anon 4:15 about the jello, I seriously LOL, and I think spit some of my coffee out! Also, 4:23pm- I thought the same thing about the father of her children or the husband. THANK YOU Lincee and the faithful who leave these comments- you make my Tuesdays!
Can't wait for the "Sillary" drama. Gag. Great post, Lincee!
Fabulous as always!!!
Anon 4:23 I too laughed when McCracken said that!
Did anyone else notice when Johnny Hottie was getting rid of Jade and they flash to DD who says something like "I said what I thought Brad wanted to hear"?
I agree with anonymous 4:27--it looks like Hillary leaves the show voluntarily. Although I do wonder if the "bad news" she gets is that he's more interested in the other less crazy girls.
This is a game??? I'm shocked.
Good episode, laugh-out-loud recap as usual.
Thanks Lincee!
Here's the write-up from next week's TV Guide:
"Six women and four roses. Do the math and you get one freaked-out Brad. Especially when a rejected bachelorette goes a little bonkers over being sent home."
Sounds like Hillary does NOT get a rose.
Best recap ever!!!
Does anyone else find it slightly weird that Bettina is all about the seriousness of marriage, but then yells "I love you, Brad" during the improv thing...after having been on three whole dates with him?! Doesn't compute.
Keep the hits coming, Lincee!!!
Hilarity! I swear I think I look forward to your blog more than the actual show! Love the Jim Halpert face. Thanks for the giggles.
4:15, love it!!! Classic line from one of my favorite movies! Jello... LOL!
If Brad wasn't the hottest guy on the planet, I'm not sure I would watch this season. It is getting to be kind of boring.
Great episode and even better recap. Lincee for president! I have to say that I'm very disappointed that Bettina ended up being such a witch. Really, a first kiss makes you a liar and a slut?! I can only imagine what she thought of Soloosa.
The insert picture of the Jim Halpert face is classic. Plain and simple. Three things: 1. Bettina's mental state is slowly slipping away from us. 2. Stephy's 'goodbye' interview (where she turned her back rather than cry on camera) was one of the cuter ones ever. And 3. Don't be fooled by the promos... Hillary most likely simply does not get a rose and doesn't handle it well. No tragedies from home.
Lincee you are too awesome! This was a hilarious blog today! I was totally laughing out loud reading it. Every time my kids say the alphabet backwards, I think of you! Aaawww! I didnt comment on last weeks, but I agree.. how did JC's top stay up? They have to be fake, I'm sure. Cant wait til next Tue! Love from Arizona
Wowee!! So I always watch the show first, then read your recap, and love it. But this time I read the recap first and OH MY GOD IT'S EVEN BETTER. Girl, you should write a romance novel. I'm serious (and I write them, and have a bunch of romance writer friends, so I should know). You'd write one that would have every woman in America cracking up and laughing her butt off. You just have a way with words. Seriously. Quit your day job and write a romance novel, and let me know when it's published so I can rush the bookstore at midnight. Thanks.
A few things:
-Why was Jenni wearing a green towel on the helicopter date? That girl is just asking for a wardrobe malfunction. And last week doing backflips in a tube top?! We would like to personally thank whoever invented double stick tape.
-When giggly-doodle Jenni said "if I don't get a rose, I'm going to jump off this building!" I thought don't worry, if you DO get a rose, Hillary will PUSH you off the roof.
-Dagger eyes all around-no one is safe
-Kristy bawling like there's no tomorrow with half her face and eagerly awaiting a sympathy rose with the other half. Not pretty. So obvious.
- The girls calling suitcase guy "creepy suitcase guy" while he was standing two feet away. He's not DEAF creepy suitcase guy, ladies.
Add us to the list of people to enjoy the blog more than the show! Y'all are hilarious!
Personally I don't think Hill or Betty hold a crazy candle compared to our dear DD -- have you REALLY looked into those eyes when she speaks??? (Insert "Psycho" pig wailing here) Bad juju if ever I've seen it. Every girl in the house better start checking her luggage for dolls with needles poking out!
um, is it just me, or does Kristy have a mustache?
also, Bettina? hello? giving the girls a hard time for not understanding what marriage is and yet saying to the camera "I'm not embarrassed I yelled I love you. I meant it."
great recap, Lincee... I look forward to it all week!
Yep, Kristy definitely has the Dick Nixon 5:00 'stache. You'd think the ABC people would show the women their test shots and make recommendations re: makeup, shadows, etc.!
Does anyone feel like these women have been beamed here from the 50s? The horrified reactions and furtive glances to the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E -- holy moley, right out of "Peyton Place" or the latest, "Mad Men."
You rock my Tuesdays and you make watching worthwhile.
Thanks --
Soooo, I googled "Bachelor recaps" and this is the first blog that came up.
Man, this is some good stuff. I'll be back next week.
Holy crap. BRAD is so hot. Who cares about my job and life? I'm moving to Austin!
I'm really glad MCC is gone. Hopefully, DD will go soon too. She must be missing a vertebrae or something, 'cause whenever she talks, he head wobbles. Either that or an attitude problem.
Great Recap! You made my Tuesday.
Also, I posted this last week, but I'm a PhD student wanting to do research on The Bachelor (specifically comparing female stereotypes in reality TV). If anyone has any old shows taped, this season taped or anything, please let me know: Matatagirl@hotmail.com
I'd be willing to purchase them.
Fabulous recap Lincee!!
OK, Jenni is cute but I can't stand her wardrobe, I think everything she wears is just fugly. And WHY is every outfit strapless??
It drove me CRAZY when Bettina was getting all on her high horse about the girls saying they would get engaged to Brad. Sure, her marriage didn't work out, and probably Brad will still be single in a few months, but love doesn't work the same for everyone! My husband and I didn't know each other very long before we got married, and it's working for us!
Was it my imagination, or was Jenni's hand creeping up Brad's leg on the helicopter ride?
Poor Kristy rocked a sweaty mustache in this episode. Maybe the ABC intern will make a run to Walgreens and get her some Nair.
Fabulous recap, Lincee! I'm all in favor of a funny novel - I'd buy one!! Your blogs make me laugh my butt off.
I think I really like Jenni - I'm sad she is so in favor this early b/c I ALWAYS guess the wrong person. Don't know what that says about me....I agree that Sheena may be the dark horse. It seems kinda weird though.
omg!! That was the best! wow...
You ROCK. Thanks for taking the time and for making me always laugh.
Seriously Lincee...I wish I could watch the Bachelor with you!! Can we come up with some sort of contest and whoever wins gets a night with you and the bachelor?? :) haha..anyways, GREAT post! Laughed out loud as usual!! Sheena falling next week...I cant wait to see what you come up with for that!! YAY!
I love your blog and this was one of the best. Great show - the most interesting one yet --
-Jenni lying down on the floor after she received her date box.
-Jenni with her hand (and his too, you notice) on each other's thighs.
-Jenni flopping back on the couch when he gives her the rose and he has to practically BEG to get a kiss.
-The most steamy kissing in a long time -- yikes!!
-Brad giving Jenni another kiss and hug when he picks the group up for their date -- another point in my book.
-Miss "you make my pom-poms sweat' after spelling out Brad's name saying "did I spell it right?? I'm not a very good speller" -- CLASSIC!!
-Brad and Jenni face holding and kissing before the RC - another point.
-and my all time favorite -- DD "who's going home tonight?? NOT ME" and waving her rose in her face. Can it get any better than this?
Anon 4:23 - I agree, I thought that was one of the funniest comments!!
Lincee - awesome recap.
My friend and I call each other during each commercial to discuss what is happening and then at the end we discuss what you will write about. After reading the recaps, we talk and crack up some more. They say laughter is the best medicine and you really bring it!!
Two thoughts about the Hillary drama next week. I originally thought it sounded like she left on her own. However, could it be that the number of people tuning in this season is low and therefore they are showing us who got eliminated and the drama that ensues to hook us and improve ratings??? Just a thought....
So I was half watching the bachelor and half reading a book...MAN did I miss a lot! Good thing I have you Lincee, and my fellow posters on here to clue me back in. (Shout out to BFF Jenn, BOOMER SOONER! :) )
So I'm a very happily married woman, but yes, I think I would have liked to have been Jenni Couric on their one on one date. I think Brad is my new 'Get out of marriage free' card. Its the southern charm...you just can't beat it.
And Lincee, your titles are absolutely hilarious!
LINCEE YOU ROCK!!!! AWESOME RECAP....I was rolling! You hit it on all points....love it. I love that Jenni Couric got some backbone and said to the girls um what's between me and Brad...is between me and Brad! You tell them honey! We all know they'd be talking about her if she did say she kissed him. Bettina..ISSUES is all i got on that one!
Anom 4:23 PM - I was rolling when she said that! I said the same thing...like uh...don't those really go hand in hand?!?!? hahaha
check this link out - Kate from last season dishes on what it's really like to be on the bachelor... very interesting
http://www.katebrockhouse.blogspot.com/
OMG look at DeAnna in that picture at realitytvspoiler.com jumping into the pool! She's fat! I wonder if that's why she's so mean...she's jealous that they other girls are so much thinner-?
"The other look at her in wonder and poke her with a stick. This rare “divorced” creature is indeed a sight to behold."
Classic Lincee.... Loved this post!
Lincee, your charm & wit are priceless! If I was still in H-town and consulting with your company (like I used to. noticed it on the green beans blogs), I would look you up and take you to lunch, just to get live commentary! anyway...
I must admit, I didn't think these girls were up to par with past seasons and felt bad for Brad. But their personalities has convinced me that I don't care about Brad, I care about the entertainment of it all! Silly me.
Okay, does anyone feel like Jenny (think she looks like Love Hewitt more, I like Katie Couric too much to make that comparison to Jenni) sounds like they may have recruited her from a high school dance team and not "professional" dance team? Are we sure she's not 18 instead of 27? Like, I'm
not sure, like, she ever got, like, a formal education 'cuz that would be, like, totally awesome! For sure. She might be Miss Teen South Carolina's cousin. I'm just sayin.
@ the improv, it just didn't look good for Kristy. He takes them to a comedy club and what does she do? Cries. I mean, c'mon! Who cries at an improv show?! What's funny about that? Although in the credits I did like the "awkward date" scene, that looked like it had some good potential.
The two-on-one date looked to me like the grenade waiting to go off that never did. However, I was thinking, De-OH-MY just isn't a very nice person, but jade just doesn't have that much to her. How do you choose between the evil step-sister and the plain jade? Me? I think I choose plain jade but that's probably why I've never been on the bachelor (or the 500 other reasons why, but hey, whatever)!
I loved the "look at her in wonder and poke her with a stick" comment all of the girls looked SO confused. Sheena had this confused look like Bettina had spoken in Swahili and didn't understand a word she just said. She dropped the atom bomb, "I was married to my last serious relationship." Their reactions just didn't fit the scenario to me because there's not much confusing or deceiving about the word "married" ... that I'm aware of, at least. I expected backlash, I expected catty comments. Nope, just confusion (and probably a little ABC editing).
Here's what I don't get about anyone who goes on this show: Why is it when the girls get cut, during the post no-rose ceremonies they start
confessing their undying love and the tears start flocking to these girls eyes like the salmon of capistrano. It's like the scenes
out of the Jerry McGuire when they interview the football players and they all inevitably start crying. Isn't there one girl who's more angry than sad? Isn't there one girl who's noticed the statistics of the "winner" of the bachelor actually sustaining a relationship?
Another random note: Why does it always seem towards the end of the season that Host Chris gets a cold? Someone tell the intern to get that guy some claritin! And Host Chris thank you for staying true by always telling us when it's the final rose of the night!
Honestly, this was another great bachelor episode and I'm beginning to like this season more and more. And next week looks something special! Lincee, you rock!
hahaha - and i totally agree with a previous post. My friend and i watched over and over again as mccraken said 'I wanted him to be the father of my children or my husband' !! hahahahah
Okay, most of the time I find myself saying, "Ladies have a little self confidence, a little more self respect." But DD makes me want to say, "a little humility"! A victim of bad edit?
Jenni is clearly being shown as the front runner, it makes me wonder what are they saving up to spring on us??
Did you notice how after Stephy didn't get a rose, right before she turned her back to the camera, she said "THAT is going to make me cry", as if the ABC producer was just trying to make her.
I just read the blog of that Kate girl and she said that they do tell you things like that to make you cry, like about deceased family or whatever. I wonder what they said to Stephy.
I swear I think we are twins separated at birth, though you're much younger than I. However, I love your Bachelor re-caps, because I live in a male-dominated household, the Bachelor is my dirty little secret, and I feel as though you are writing exactly what I'm feeling--and laughing--as I watch my TiVo of every episode. Thank you! You make this silly show so much fun!
Why does Bettina keep saying things like "yeah, I had a long relationship, I was actually married to him"
Instead of "I was married before"
just strange phrasing.
I think Bettina flashed the crazy card last night... she went off when she heard about the kiss. Oh, and the "I love you Brad" thing was strange... cause she "meant it". I was truly scared.
I think he kept Kristy as filler... I thought it was pretty clear she wasn't for him?!? Who knows...
I usually start to see the "love" by this time in the season... and I totally buy into it... but I have yet to believe it with anyone this time. I totally hope Brad says "You girls were fun, but you all kind of suck in a psycho way" and walks away alone.
Or into the arms of our fabulous Lincee (I'm a married woman or I'd say send him my way, hahaha)
thanks for yet another, fantastic, wonderful, fun blog!!
ok, twice in this post you decided not to go there because what was going on on the show was so awkward and painful to watch that you put a pen in your ear.
lincee, sweetie, i rely on you to tell me the most embarrassing, awkward moments on the show so i can continue to be interesting at happy hour even though i live on the east coast and can't stay up for the whole show.
you may have a pen shoved in your ear, but PLEASE, i beg of you. GO THERE. Especially if hillary is saying something stupid.
Wow- everyone has left such great comments! Lincee- you still bring it every week! I loved that you actually inserted Jim Haperts face instead of writing it- just made me laugh even more! I can't wait to see what happens with Hillary- maybe Bettina put something in her drink to make her freak out! I mean, with them having knives in their backs and all!
I think Sheena is the underdog- I guess I hope that she is and not Kristy- that is one big Jim Halpert face- why is she still on this show? If its not Sheena, its Bettina and Austin TX better watch out! I suppose if he's going with the whole "keep Austin Weird" thing, Bettina would fit right in.
Can't wait to see what happens next!
Had to rewind the fall a couple of times ... and play it in slow-motion ... can't wait for next week!
Thanks for always recapping such great highlights!
If no one on here has gone to this site, you must....the final three are a given...
http://www.fansofrealitytv.com/forums/bachelor-spoilers-speculation/
it's fun to speculate, analize screencaps, etc.
Lincee, you always bring it, week after week. I wait anxiously every Tuesday for your hilarious take on the show.....love you gurl!
Kate's blog is pretty eye-opening...
Does anyone actually think he's going to choose anyone but Couric? C'mon, get real... he's just passing out roses to the other women based on the instructions of the ABC producers. It's done. Over.
Lincee, I must agree. Your "poke with a stick" comment was priceless.
6:23 - why go there? This site is all we need.
I decided who Jenni looks like - Silver Spoons era Erin Gray!
Just a few thoughts...
I don't think it was strange that Jenni read the card for the two-on-one date. She was the only girl in the house besides Jade and that bitch DD. The other girls were on the group date. It would have been weird if DD read it to Jade or vice versa.
I can't stand looking at Kristy with that balloon knot of a face.
And I am not a fan of this Bachelor. He is too vanilla. I like the pictures of him online, but not on TV. And how could they not tell they were talking to his twin? I could tell from across the room on a 19" TV. I think the dollar signs were shining so bright they were blind.
End of rant.
And none of you laughed when Jade almost got steamrolled by her Samsonite???
Anyone else get an Ann Coulter vibe when looking at Sheena?
I will say this - Brad looks like a hell of a kisser. The hand on DD's face and hair while they mugged in the hot tub? um...nice!
OK, is being divorced like having AIDS? These chicks act like it's the worst thing that someone could admit.
So I was out of town last week and am trying desperately to get caught up on all my TV, so I'm a little late on this. But has anyone commented on the DRASTIC difference of Stephy with makeup and Stephy without? Scary.
Anon 818p, Sheena/Ann coulter...so with you on that one.
ok so i read kate's blog, couldn't remember who she was till i saw her face and then didnt remember her name being Kate. Whatever. Anyway, she admits that she had a boyfriend during her season of the bachelor! wtf? you mean to tell me that you're "so happy" with your boyfriend that you'll go off and date another guy on national tv? and now you're still happy and in love and stronger? puh-leez.
lincee....priceless post, many thanks. can't wait to see kristy be even more akward by not getting in the pool next week.
host chris, you haven't posted this season? will lincee get a pass to the WTA episode? can't wait to see hill talk about her emotional breakdown!
my suggestion to ABC...bring back former bachelorettes and have them comment on the current ones, that would be funny!
one more thing...on that spoiler website, they're saying that Brad has a 2 yr old daughter!!!
Mike, that's mean. Deanna is NOT fat. Then we wonder why women have such poor self images. I'm sure it takes a lot to wear a bikini on national television.
I think Kate met her boyfriend right before the show started and was under contract.
Mary,
Please give us the link to where it says he has a 2 yr. old daughter. I can't find it anywhere. Thanx
Wow, Sheena/Ann Coulter--perfect. I was thinking "rabid toy fox terrier/whippet mix" which is virtually the same thing!
Random straight guy here, trying to muster enthusiasm for this season. Normally there's at least a couple of women I can root for--women I'd want to keep if I were in the bach's position. But this season it's hard to find the pick of the coven.
Bettina's the cutest, IMHO, and I don't see the big deal about her divorce; but as Lincee says, there may be a little crazy starting to show through there. I guess she'd be my favorite. Ho-hum.
Hillary: cute and fun to watch, but man is she mean in the interviews with the producers! The girl is NOT nice.
DeUHna: O.K., but another cutthroat competitor.
Jenni: cute and bubbly and hasn't been catty so far, but I'm not picking up a lot of depth of personality.
Kristy: ends up looking foolish by trying not to look foolish. I'd be surprised if she lasts much longer.
Sheena: yeah, I'm getting some Ann Coulter, too. Maybe she was Coulter's love child with Rene Auberjonois, who played Odo on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Something in the bone structure of their faces: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/09/Rene_Auberjonois.jpg/200px-
Hey Lincee!!! Did you see this spoiler? Rumor is he has a 2 YEAR OLD KID!?!
Insert Jim Halpert Face....
http://www.realitytvspoiler.com/
Lincee, have you seen this yet? He supposedly has a TWO YEAR OLD!!?
http://www.realitytvspoiler.com/
I checked out the website that claims Brad has a daughter. If what it says is true (that the women were all told this information in advance), then it seems even stranger to me that Bettina was so hinky about revealing that she is divorced. . . I'm just saying.
Lincee, so glad I found your blog!
Yes I did hear from my friend KR today about the rumors that he has a daughter. If it is true, I'm pretty surprised that it was kept a secret THIS LONG!
So funny. . .It's Thursday and I was watching The Office while reading your blog and there was Jim Halpert in both places. Love it (Jim made my heart melt today saying "I really love Italian food")!
Since I started reading this blog last year, my favorite Monday night activity is trying desperately to guess which of the bachelorette's goofy comments will be your title. You're wit and sense of humor rocks, Lincee!
I am also loving Brad's sense of humor and laid back personality. Yummy! Everytime he laughs sarcastically at one of the girls/drama queens or says things like "I think she (Kristy) might be too refined for me", I just want to eat him up. Most Real Bachelor. Ever!
i grew up with jade and just found out she was on the show. i can't believe the load of crap she said during that date. the only part that is true is that she lived in canada, but only because her boy friend at the time got transfered up there, and she came back home after 6months. rubbish! lies get you no where.
We shouldn't be too excited about next week-- who will be our resident psycho if Hills gets kicked off??? I guess we at least have Bettina, but I personally might get a little teary after Hillary gets the boot-- after I laugh my a$$ off at her hysterical breakdown. Come on Bettina-- bring out the psycho, we need you.
Lincee...this has to be your best post yet. I was laughing out loud and could not stop. When you inserted the Jim Halpert face I almost peed. Absolutely hilarious. There were so many moments last night and you touched on them all. Except did you notice when Bettina was being interviewed after accusing Jenny of treating all this like a "game" that she said “I came here not wanting to care about the guy at all.” huh? She came on THE BACHELOR not wanting to care about THE BACHELOR? Am I missing something? Isn't that the WHOLE purpose of this show? I really liked her until this show. She started showing claws and the pyscho gene. Usually I have a favorite by now but I really don't this time. Maybe Jenny - they seem to have much chemistry. Which means she probably won't get picked. I really like Sheena but I remember seeing a pic of her crying in the limo in what looked like the dress she wears next week. Anyway...thanks Lincee for making my week. You rock!
Am I the only one wondering why Bettina said, "liar and a slut"...does she know more about Jenni then they have shown?? After all, Jenni was a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and very obviously knows how to flirt and flatter a guy...
Jenni should be the one most comfortable in a big group of women and used to the catty stuff that can go on among competitive women...
Just remember the way they splice and dice this show up. Bettina's comment could have been said after Hillary jokingly said her and Brad became part of the mile high club and she showed him what a real woman can do....or Bettina could have said it about Solisa after Solisa told everyone she got the first kiss....you don't know exactly when in this process that comment was made....go read some of the past season's girl's blogs. They all just can't believe how the show puts comments where they shouldn't be; and many more manipulative things like that, just to create drama. It's a fun show to watch, but keep in mind there is a lot of editing going on...
You know, I don't find this guy all that good looking. Better than that fake Ken doll from last season, but Brad is awkward and kind of creepy to me.
The fact that all the girls are falling all over him makes me wonder what is there that I don't see.
The recap was great, as always. I agree, the "Not Me" line was priceless.
I don't really think this guy has it. He is good looking, but he just sounds awkward and forced when he talks. I wouldn't be comfortable around him. I would like someone that words come easy to, not someone that seems to overthink what he's going to say.
Although he is better than that idiot from last time. The ken doll with all the teeth. I didn't like him at all.
Yeah, because it is SO rough up here in Canada - what with all the living in igloos and dodging polar bears all the time. Get real - it isn't a big deal that you had to move to Canada, so get over yourself!!
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