The Bachelor Recaps: Prince Lorenzo: Episode 1

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Prince Lorenzo: Episode 1

Let’s face it people…The Bachelor is back. IN FULL FORCE!

Oh I loved it. I loved every single minute of it. Was I embarrassed? Of course. Did I hide my face behind the sofa pillow? YOU BET! Classic. ABC threw back to the old school days and provided a nice crop of young ladies that are full of life.

So much material…so little time.


The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. If this e-mail circulates to friends, family, enemies...that is your business. However, if you or someone in your address book happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Halloween Oreos or have a nail technician that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show...none of this is personal and I'm sure they are all lovely people.

The Fairy Tale
I can already tell that the Prince theme is going to get on my nerves. Last year we were in Paris and everything was about the City of Love. This year, it’s all about fairy tales. Chris Harrison is a doll, but he drove me insane counting the times he used the phrase “fairy tale” during his opening monologue in front of the fancy Borghese Fountain on Borghese Street next to the Borghese building that sells Borghese Cosmetics. We get it. This guy is a Prince. Some girl he fake proposes to is going to become an almost Princess. A dream come true.

Lorenzo Borghese has rich Italian family history and a rich Italian family. He pretends to help run the family cosmetic business, by walking through the Borghese warehouse in his white lab coat. We know that the ABC intern had to pick him up from the Borghese Pet Spa to shoot the segment, but that is neither here nor there. The real story is that Lorenzo Borghese is a Prince.

In true Chris Harrison charisma, our host sits down with the Prince in some comfy chairs located in the middle of the 16th Century Borghese Family Castle that ABC rented for a few months, and asks the burning question all Americans are curious to hear:

“What is up with this Prince thing?”

THANK YOU CHRIS! EXACTLY! Just because I’m 1/145 American Indian, doesn’t mean I go around saying that I’m the Pocahontas heir.


Prince Lorenzo Borghese is so over being a Prince. Here is a quick excerpt I took from last night’s episode:

“I mean…if one of my friends introduces me to a woman at a club and says that I am a Prince, the night is so over. At that point, the woman is only interested in me because of my awesome Prince status. Can’t I just be a normal person? And there are no girls in New York City. None. That’s why I got my pilot’s license—so I can go fly around the country and find people who have never heard of me.”

Our Prince goes on to tell Chris Harrison that his ancestor, Pope Paul, is looking down on him in the rented family palace. Pope Paul. Yeah. He sounds real. He also tells Chris Harrison that he speaks menu Italian. He says he should not be judged that he can’t speak his Kingdom’s language, because he left Italy when he was two and who cares if that is his Dad’s primary language. He prefers the language of love.

Their Highnesses Borghese are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary and the Prince needs a date. The Mom is looking pretty good for being married 40 years. What is that Borgheses Cosmetics website again? And my favorite part is when the Dad uses air quotes. Air quotes by the King of Italy rule.

In a sneaky twist, ABC “surprises” the girls at their homes to let them know that they have been chosen as Bachelorettes and will be whisked off to Rome. The catch? RIGHT NOW! THERE IS NO TIME TO PACK! WHAT WILL THEY DO?

In some cases, they immediately sell their car to participate. In other cases, they try on all their string bikinis for the ABC camera crew to decide which is hot tub worthy. Luckily, my hometown Houston girl had her maid there to pack her prom dresses, tiaras…leave the furs home because of the animal rights people…and Gucci purses into 14 pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage in order for her to make her first ever coach flight on time.

I’m so proud.


Why you remember her: Let’s be honest with each other. You remember her boobs. Admit it.
Status: No rose

Hotel concierge
Why you remember her: Andrea. Oh Andrea. She was our first experience of a bless her heart moment in Bachelorfest 2006. I know she started off singing opera from the balcony in a most embarrassing serenade to our Prince. She could have ended with some Chingy for all I know. It was chaos for a good 20 seconds. There was a combination of a high pitched aria, me screaming, shoving my fingers as far down in my ears as physically possible while rocking myself back and forth like I do when I just can’t handle the pressure and my friend Anne saying n-n-n-n-n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o in an eerie low voice…unable to look away from the TV. And poor Andrea kept going. And going. I can still hear her sometimes when I sleep. Bless her heart.
Status: No rose

Beer Chemist
Why you remember her: She was a little bitsy pocket person of a thing who had her hands on her hips as if to say, “Ready? Okay! Two-bits, four bits, six bits a dollar…”
Status: No rose

Why you remember her: You don’t.
Status: No rose

Why you remember her: CLOWdia. Claudia? No— it’s CLOWdia.
Status: No ROWse

Why you remember her: Hey baby! How could you forget her, baby?! Desiree got her dress in Vegas, baby and is constantly adjusting it because righteous swingers don’t wear bras, baby. She is the aggressive Bachelorette, baby, and asks for a kiss from our Prince. He obliges with a shagadelic peck on the cheek. She promptly asks if she makes him horny. Yeah baby. Yeah.
Status: Rose, baby

Why you remember her: She’s the one ABC put in the mix at the sunrise ceremony to trick us into thinking we haven’t been paying attention, because I had never seen her before. Seriously.
Status: Rose

Why you remember her: You remember how crazy it is that a girl named Elise would spell her name Elyse. Who does that? Trying to get attention with a freaky spelled name? Why does everyone throw a Y in the mix when an I is perfectly acceptable? Crazy spelled name weirdoes. I will now get off my Lincee soapbox.
Status: No rose

Houston socialite (whoop!)
Why you remember her: You remember her dog, her Mom’s prom dress, her maid, her big house, that she flew coach for the first time, her tiara, the fact that she knows who is college educated by their tattoos, she doesn’t know how to make a bed and she loves caressing her own hair. I love Erica.
Status: Rose

Ultrasound Technician
Why you remember her: Her lips are constantly in a pout. She also reminds you of Dancing with the Stars winner and General Hospital resident Kelly. Or is that just me? She also met the Prince and bolted inside without a token spin twirl of her dress or polite cheek peck. G’s got attitude.
Status: Rose

Registered nurse
Why you remember her: She’s the one that the ABC intern had to give the banana bag to because they needed her to sober up before the Sunrise Service. My girl Heather got wasted and was proud of it. After splashing a bit of cold water on her face and downing a few dozen cups of strong coffee, she was able to get through her one-on-one time with the Prince before passing out. Luckily, she was blessed with genetics, so she is going to be okay.
Status: Alas…she was sent home without a rose.

Event Planner
Why you remember her: ABC tried to hick her up at the beginning, but she turned out to be one of my favorites. She’s a classic rock chick, right on. They even both went to see Bon Jovi in concert, kick a$$.
Status: Rose

Why you remember her: She had the dark dark dark hair and the red dress. She is 23 and acts 23.
Status: Rose

Teacher/Resident Bachelor Cheerleader
Why you remember her: The energy. Oh the energy. She’s joyful and triumphant.
Status: Rose

Assistant Buyer
Why you remember her: Jessica…Jessica… Nope. I got nothing.
Status: No rose

Interior Designer
Why you remember her: She dropped the “F-bomb” on ABC. She declared to the world that she wanted the f-ing earrings that went along with the first impression rose. Now that’s classy.
Status: Rose

Dolphin Trainer
Why you remember her: Big dialogue among our Prince and Laura… “Is it Lauren? Or Laura? Laura? Lauren?”
Status: No rose

Marketing Manager
Why you remember her: Oh come on! Like who wouldn’t give a first impression rose to a tree hugger? Lisa like has a plan. She has a plan for like her life and like there is no time to like waste. Focus and save the Earth people!
Status: Rose

Why you remember her: (crickets chirping)
Status: No rose

Broadcast Marketer
Why you remember her: Seriously. Who are these people?
Status: No rose

Policy Advisor
Why you remember her: Very bad fake tan
Status: No rose

Makeup Artist
Why you remember her: Bless her heart. Had a dream to be Cinderella. Sold her car to buy fancy gowns for The Bachelor Rome. Practiced a wonderful opening line to say to our Prince…ASSUMING the dude knew Italian. It was wasted on deaf ears. She was one of my favorites and ABC tricked me into thinking she would get a rose. Nice editing my friends. You got me that time.
Status: No rose

Why you remember her: She wants to be a Princess. She is somewhat normal, but is in it for the title. She’s going to play hard my friends.
Status: Rose

Why you remember her: My girl busts out with the question that is very interesting: “Have you ever dated anyone of ethnic decent, eh?” Poor Other Bachelorette gets nervous and walks away from the daybed that has been strategically placed in the castle garden. (Seriously ABC intern…a daybed? Let’s be a little classier in our set decorations, shall we? Go buy some chase lounges or something. But a daybed? Seriously?)
Status: Rose

Realtor #3
Why you remember her: I remember her hair and how I wore mine like that for 3rd-grade picture day.
Status: No rose

Chris Harrison threw another log on the fire by adding a few hot local chicks to the party. It was a big deal. Human game of ping pong and everything. Very dramatic. You go Chris.

Italian Girl #1
Why you remember her: You wondered where her pole was.
Status: No rose

Italian Girl #2
Why you remember her: The classic line from our Prince that will go down in Bachelor history: “Do you shoot guns?”
Status: Rose

On cue, the ABC intern hits his play of the sound effects CD in his boom box, and a rooster crows, signifying that the night is officially over and it is time for our Prince to make his decision. He must send half home.

It’s pretty obvious at this point why he is picked the girls he did. Anyone without 12-hour-old greasy hair, dark circles under her eyes, bad morning breathe or attached to an IV…was welcome to stay.

Our Prince toasts the lucky 12 and proclaims, “There’s no place like Rome.”

Vomit. The Roman themes are going to kill me. After watching the “up next” montage from Chris Harrison, my fears are correct. I spotted a chariot, stomping of grapes and a token toga complete with little backwards leaf headband thing.

Who am I kidding…fears? This is must see TV BABY!

All about the shame, not the fame,



Sela said...

Fabulous! Haha!

Anonymous said...

Lincee! No comment on the Bachelor's tearful confessions?? I thought that showed that this season was a must see.

Kelly in Houston said...

Erica is AWFUL!!! She gives Houston a bad name.

Anonymous said...

Lincee-- the best, non-shameful part about watching this show is reading your blog. You are wickedly funny and dead-on. Nice to 'see' you again on your site.
Grateful (and ashamed)in Boston,

Anonymous said...

Who's gonan be the token "crazy" girl. I need a little Trish action this season...

Julie in Dallas said...

I LOVE the Intern! Hilarious...your Dallas Fans are SO happy to have the recap once again...we watch the show BECAUSE of the Lincee recap!

flowermoundmutha said...

my personal favorite highlight of the night was watching houston socialite's mom spilling out of the top of her bedazzled dress as she ran around trying to act surprised. i'm lying around the house today in a blue dress just like it.......

yay italian drama said...

Very, very good recap! Agreed, the Prince nonsense went way too far. And why didn't Lorenzo learn Italian from his parents?!

Anonymous said...

LOL thanks for the laugh!

slc said...

So glad you are back! Go Lincee!

Sarah in Marietta said...

Did anyone think drunky looked like Farrah Fawcett? Not good, Charlie's Angels Farrah, but crack-pipe Farrah? Great to have you back, Lincee!

Anonymous said...

Lincee, you rock. You give me something to look forward to on Tuesday morning! I must say though, I am rooting for Sadie, such a doll. And saving herself for marriage, she will either win it all, or be picked on for being pure.

Anonymous said...

i'm so glad you mentioned how Rosella said she sold her car to come there.....she sold her car in the hour that they had to get ready to go? hmmm...i'm not buying it.

kinda wish she'd stayed so we could've caught her in the lie.

Erica is going to crack me up...i think she's the psycho one that that they previewed. Some girl saying "that comment put me over the edge" you KNOW erica probably asked her to clean her room.

ooh...i just can't wait.

Love it in Newport Beach said...

Okay, can we just thank ABC for MAKING the prince take, I'm kidding. That's a joke, she is terrible...and I'm with you on Rosella. Can we start a "car fund"? Lastly, your comment ab the "Do you shoot guns" kills me! love it. Oh, and Desiree looks like Charlize Theron.

Tracy said...

Yea! Our Lincee is back. Glad to see we've already had our first "Bless her heart" moment...but I guess that was inevitable, huh?

are-oh-be-why-in said...

h to the town! hanging my head in shame today as dr. franklin rose's (plastic surgeon to the other Houston "socialites") daughter gives houstonians, well blondes, okay RICH people a bad name!

i thought i was getting to old for the bachelor when i watched last night. i realized now it is much better the next day on THE BACHELOR RECAP!

by the way...i'm robyn, with a "y" and my mom did it so it would be different. cooler now than when i used to go to birthday parties and everyone would have party favors with their name emblazoned on pencils and notepads & such. what a drag and STEPdaughter's name is Caitlin Elyse, again with a "y" (step--i didn't do it!). Don't ask me WHY but i like it. My checker at kroger...his name is allyn. new a woman named allyn once. i just like it!

keep up the good works and keep us laughing lincee!!!

Chevy said...

love it lincee, as always.
i wish i could add one more witty observation, but i think you got 'em all.
and the trailer for the upcoming episodes... he sheds a tear and some girl goes psycho on him??!! as if i weren't already hooked.....

Anonymous said...

So did Jamie the event planner get a rose? No rose?

Katie W in Vegas said...

Classic!! I love your rendition of last night's show. Props to Erin for getting me to your webpage.

I can't wait for next week's entry about Episode 2 (almost as much as I can't wait to see the girls go psycho- come on, red lipstick on mirrors- total straight jacket material!!).

Anonymous said...

hey can only get to this blog by clicking on the 10/06 Archives. It isn't on the main page "" I almost passed out before I finally found it under archives...

The Bachelor Recaps said...

BFF Paul is going to clean up page when he has time. We will archive old stuff and hopefully make it a bit more easy to find.

Thanks guys!

mississippi girl said...

Is it just me, or do we have a Paris H. impersonator on this show. I mean like seriously people, she totally just totally acts just like her. I mean oh my gosh. Really. Anyway, who thinks that Desiree might be our new Trish???

Megan said...

Good to see your blog again Lincee! This is going to be a fantastic season. I'm thinking Sadie is a closet case psycho waiting to come out.

My favorite part was watching the preview for "this season." It went from the prince saying how great dating so many women was, to showing him with tears streaming down his face, and the girls acting psycho. Classic. Can't wait for next week. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Erica = PMP (Poor Man's Paris) or VPMP (Very Poor Man's Paris). Abso-friggin-lutely terrible-terrible-terrible. Kudos to the intern who drafted her from the minor leagues, "brilliant"! Wathcing that little gold digger squeeze her derriere back into coach on the return flight will provide endless entertainment. Lincee, you are a goddess. ABC should have you on retainer; you are the only reason I watch...

jenn said...

Hilarious recap! Paris/Erica is too much-what a crazy hometown date that would be!! Let's hope we don't have to find out.

heaths said...

my fave comment of the night is when other girls were commenting on how drunk farrah was and how it made "older" women look bad. 34 is "older". her drunk responses to prince were priceless.

Baylor Fan said...

Sadie is my early favorite. She seems sweet and genuine.
I totally agree with the poster who said Heather looked like Farrah.

Where are the straight guys and lawyer John???

Anonymous said...

I did think Drunky looked like Farrah Faucett - and some other girl looked like Sarah Jessica Parker.
Anyways, this season will make a great drinking game - drink everytime someone says "prince" or "princess"!

Brooke in close to Houston... said...

I look forward to the Bachelor because of you... however- how could you leave out Meri's eye roll. She is the lawyer from Mississippie or Alabama or something, but went to SMU! She tried to have the Texas accent and all. But during the introductions of the mystery gals, she rolls her eyes BIG TIME! Must go back to Tivo and check it out..

well done as usual!

Brooke in Close to Houston... said...

I'm not stupid, I know it is spelled Mississippi but I'm trying to get this done b4 I get fired. Always a threat during Bach season!!!

Anonymous said...

Erica reminds me of Paris Hilton!

Anonymous said...

Expecting to see Visine sponsor commercial next episodes. Seriously, a crying Prince?!
Love it, glad it's back! Thanks for writing

Anonymous said...

What about the girl who asked the prince if he had ever been to Rome? Are you kidding?

Anonymous said...

Woo Hoo! Tuesday mornings are BACK! Great job, Lincee.
Seriously, I think I had wine spewing out my nose when Prince LoBo chose Italian girl #2: Yeah, because he's reeaally looking for long term commitment with that one.
And you would think Gina would take care in putting that "pout mouth" out there for the cameras so often, because even if by some tragic twist of fate he chose her in the end, as soon as he sat down to watch the footage and laid eyes on the perpetual pout, he'd run screaming for the hills. I mean, honestly, who wants to wake up to that in the morning??
And don't get me started on Erica. Can't you just see them in twenty years? "Bored, aging, heiress/princess seeks young Fabio the cabana boy to help regain youth. Must be able to cook and clean."

Please, Prince LoBo, show us some wisdom and choose Sadie!!

Mollie said...

WHY isn't anyone commenting on how drunk Tree Hugger was?

"I guess I'm what you'd call an incognito tree hugger, you know?" **fake laugh with mouth wide open**

"Let's go hug a tree...seriously!" **Gasp indicating how wild and crazy that tree-hugging could be**

She was tripping over herself and even lost sight of the beloved tree she'd originally pointed out! Princey had to find it for her again. She was trashed, too - not just Farrah. There was a whole lotta boozin' going on and I liked it.

# 1 fan said...

Hey y'all. So glad you are back and glad to be back too.
Just wondering...was there any food to go along with ALL THAT BOOZE?
You need to eat when you are drinking until the friggin' rooster crows. Seriously.
What is the deal?

And I hope Erica stays for our viewing pleasure...too fun.

Sadie is a doll.

And I second that Vegas is the new Trish.

Chris Harrison Still your Host said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm back and looking over your shoulder again. Glad to see the bribe of bringing you out to the "Women Tell All" has not slowed that sharp tongue of yours. Its a good season and I know you'll enjoy. Have fun talking about Erika and our conversation after moving the girls in next week! ("Chris I didn't sign up for Survivor"). Enjoy the season and keep an eye out for the lovely Gwen and I on "Dancing with the Stars" tonight. Remember Lincee, I'm watching and reading, let the good lines continue.

Anonymous said...

What fun this season is going to be!

That pout mouth looks like she smells something bad! Maybe they were just all stinky after a night of drinking and it will go away. I sure hope so!

Lincee said...

Nice to have you back Chris Harrison! You are welcome to look over my shoulder any time.

Dancing with the Stars? I'm intrigued...

Anonymous said...

This is the best Tuesday ever! Glad you are back

Anonymous said...

This is the best Tuesday ever! Glad you are back

Dykstra Family said...

So glad you're back Lincee. Watched last night, just so I could read your recap today.

Seattle Scott said...

Awesome that you are back in full force, Lincee. Your recaps are classic.

Early prediction: Lisa, Sadie and F-bomber battle it out until the end. Sadie prevails. Mark it down, b/c you read it here first.

Jill said...

I expected to laugh out loud and you did not disappoint! I'm so glad the Bachelor is back just so I can laugh every single Tuesday!!! Love it, Lincee!!!

Tim from the WC said...

My girlfriend and I made a great drinking game out of the premiere. We took a drink whenever the the phrase 'fairy tale' or the name Borghese was used. Needless to say, we were talking monkeys by third commercial. Welcome back Lincee.

#1 Jayhawk Fan said...

Love love love it, Lincee (as usual). I am with Newport Beach who said that Desiree looks like Charlize Theron.

However, I think it's more like if Charlize and Scarlett Johannsen had a love would be Desiree. My money's on her (or perhaps the H-Town Heiress) for crazy girl of the show...

Cannot wait for next week!

Anonymous said...

Great post Lincee! I wish you wrote for more shows.

Pink Harley said...

I sort of got more of a Sharon Stone vibe from Desiree, you know? And I think it's Kim who channels SJP, while Drunky resembles both Farrah Fawcett and Jill Gioya (Joya?) from Rock Star Supernova.
Anyone else fight the urge to whip out the duct tape while observing Desiree exit the limo? Pull those suckers up, sweetie-God help you when you're 45.

Nice work, Lincee! Keep it up!!

Ginger said...

Love your page! Though the MS girl was a dawg, the bachelor did give a shout out to MS State!! Go Dawgs. Did anyone besides me notice how many of the girls had big butts. This is the first bacherlor I have seen with so many not so stick thin babes. HMMM.
From a MS Girl

lincee's sister jamie said...

Once again you manage to articulate what we're all thinking. I enjoy the show so much more because I'm thinking of what you'll write the whole time. And then, you still manage to capture things that I miss. Thanks for the giggles and the boisterous laughs that always accompany your recaps. Oh and by the way, don't you think it's time to forgive Mom for the spelling of your name?

Sharon Graf said...

Love it! So hysterical! Ok, so the lip purser is gonna annoy the crap outta me and so is Erica.. she is a freaking idiot!

Missy Lou said...

I think the finale will be between Sadie and the brunette who got the first rose.

The producers told the Prince to keep Houston, Vegas & Dirty Looks around. They're pretty entertaining.

Lincee, I hope that Chris Harrison can hook you up with a job as a writer on some show and we can watch it.


Marisa said...

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Jeanette might have a glass eye.....come on people those eyes were bugged out to the max!!

Lincee, I love the recap and I have since our L&H days! :)

Mummy said...

Lincee Leigh! You are a hoot! As far as your name spelling (Lincee) I had nothing to do with it. It was your daddy and all his family. I was too worn out after your birth to even put up a fight. So sorry that the spelling of your name is not (Lindsey)! By the way, you haven't lost your touch to make me laugh!!!!!

natnat said...


Just Jaine said...

there's a group of eight of us that watch The Bach religiously, your blog is required after show reading. loved it.

Anonymous said...

From the Chronicle today:
It looks like Tiara Erica is related to the plastic surgeon, Dr. Rose...which goes a long way in explaining the boobs. HUGE!!

Host Chris-seriously, do the girls get anything to eat?! Or is it just wine, wine, and more whine?

And, Lincee, the new picture is way cool!

Nancy said...

You are SO right on so many levels. The Roman theme is annoying and so much drama is ahead. I'll be back to read your insights next week. Thanks!

Melissa from NYC said...


I just discovered your site and love it. You are so spot on with your comments.

Thanks for making a 1 star experience a 4 star one.

Until next week, enjoy --

Conroe_Club said...

from North of Houston.....
Kim - right off I picked her to be the winner; she has that sweet girl next door look; unfortunately she has the sailor next doors mouth!
Sadie - anyone else think "Clueless"? (note no y in the name)
Erica - If we buy her a first class ticket will she go away? I am sure mummsie and Dr.Daddy are 'like' sooo proud of her. I think he was probably planning on retiring soon anyway.
Jami- make us look good please!
love your "show" L!

Anonymous said...

Where are the funny straight guy comments from last season- U know...Straight Guy #1, #2, etc....? C'mon out guys...don't be shy- We KNOW you are watching!!

friend jill said...

Yes, I got that the soapbox about name spelling was actually poking fun at your own name.

Anonymous said...

Lincee, You are the absolute best! I love reading your blog more than watching the show! Couldn't wait for your posting today! Rock on!! Can't wait for next week!
Fan in San Diego!!

Anonymous said...

Another great one as usual Lincee but one thing I noticed is all the girls getting out of the limo in heels and had to walk across the pebbles to get to the "prince". I wonder how many actually tripped and fell, might want to show that at the women tell all show.

Jennifer said...

You were with us for Girl's Nite last night. Oh, you didn't know? Well, we often wondered, "What will The Recapper say about this??"

Anonymous said...

This blog is the best. SO happy you are back, Lincee. This is why we all watch. To read your re-cap. (and now to watch Houston socialite play with her fake hair extensions).

*Ruthie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
*Ruthie said...

My favorite part (apart from the chin quivering followed by two theatrical tears) was when Lisa steals Lorenzo Lamas from the Italian goddesses and says, "They're pretty, but they don't even speak English."

Yet the "Prince" (I am VERY skeptical of this title) gave her the first rose. I think he's just using her for her calamine lotion after catching poison ivy from the tree hugging fiasco.


Anonymous said...

Great job Lincee! I just wish I could have seen the whole show. There were some pretty bad storms up here in Chicago so our power was out. Of course right in the middle of the show!

djs - dallas, tx said...

Great recap as usual Lincee -- you never disappoint!! I have to admit I wasn't really thrilled about this season, it just did not look appealing, but ABC has you to thank as I have been an avid Lincee fan from the Firestone days -- a Bachelor season just wouldn't be the same w/out your witty sense of humor -- seriously.

And I have my mom to thank for her creative ways w/the spelling of my middle name -- Jyl
I promise -- we’re not as weird as it may seem… :)

Susie said...

Ok, this might be a longshot for some, but if you are familiar with the claymation Christmas movie about Rudolph, you might agree. Is it just me or is Prince Lorenzo a brunette (and slightly taller) version of Herbie the elf, the dentist? Just throwing it out there. :) Looking forward to next week!

Straight Utah said...

Rewind-the-tape moment in Episode #1: Prince LoBo to Un-Yayza: "Do you hunt people?" No wonder she went "Huh?" I did too.

Anonymous said...

This is my first time reading your blog, and I love it. Kim reminds me of Sarah Jessica Parker (her hair, her face, the way she dresses). I predict that Lisa (the girl who got the first impression rose) will be the one that goes psycho. Remember she is the only with the tight schedule on getting engaged, so that she can be married by 27. She only has 10 months!! That might cause her to go psycho if she discovers in the next few weeks that the Prince is smitten by other girls who don't hug trees.

Gina Grace said...

Just discovered the site and glad I did. I was hoping that the tree hugger might be as fabulous as Meredith, as they are both from Portland, but alas, I agree that she (or Erika) will be the ones who drop the "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to win" line.

Looking forward to next week's recap!

Cali Christine said...


I'm going to join in the praise - your recap is FANTASTIC! I've been a devoted bachelor recap fan since Andrew - ahh the days of hot tubs with leaks! This season, when the show started I said to my mom, "I'm not sure I can continue to watch this trash." But after watching the first episode, I'm totally hooked. These women are bonkers!

Since I'm originally from Seattle - I say props to the tree hugger. It was different and eye catching. And at least it wasn't that awkward scerenade. However, for those not from the northwest I can see how that might seem a bit wierd.

I'm enjoying Erica as well. It seems to me like she's on something - perhaps E or a high priced coke adiction.

Ahh the promises of next week...I can't wait to hear miss socialite ask for a maid!

Keep it coming, baby ;-D

hiding my face in dallas said...

Disclaimer: After watching the hit TV show, The Bachelor, it may seem true that women from Texas frequently lie around in ball gowns with bad fake tans claiming that we have nothin' to waaayyer to gow mayt tha bachelorrr.

I swear this is not true!

Thank you. (hiding my face in Dallas)

Anonymous said...

I'm actually GLAD Erica got a rose. I can tell she's going to provide entertainment and plenty of water-cooler material this season. In a strange way, I actually admire her for not being afraid to be herself...She's not that bad...Houston could be represented in a much worse way.

Anonymous said...

Once again, you make the show worth watching Lincee! Well, you and this Erica chick. I am thrilled she is sticking around... entertainment at its finest!
-fellow Houstonian

jdb said...

I caught the show on a tape delay (it was blacked out in Philly because of the Eagles on Monday Night Football). In reference to the question about whether he'd dated ethnics, Lorenzo's answer was something like, "no, I've only had long term relationships." Huh? I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, but it cracked me up.

jdb said...

I think if I'd been Lorenzo after that first evening with "the girls," I would have had just one question for Chris: "Can I see the next 25?"

One of girls getting out of the limo looked pregnant. Now that would be a twist worthy of the show.

My fantasy ending for the first episode would have been Lorenzo shaking his head, saying "this is ridiculous" to Chris, and flying back to New York, leaving the girls to binge drink, pick a fight with the Italian women, and throw up in the reflection pool.

Anonymous said...

I watch the show with my hubby (he'd never admit it), but when Chris comes out to tell Princey that it's his last rose, my hubby exclaims, "And here comes Captain Obvious". So funny. So that's his new nickname with us! Erica was bad, but hello, her mom is way worse! Sadie is my fav, she's adorable! Rock on, ladies.

Anonymous said...

What happened to the Nashvilles? My friends and I are dying to know the fate of Dr. McDreamy and Sarah the school teacher.

Anonymous said...

Just have to say thank you for calling out Desiree on attempting to be Austin Powers. I'm sorry, but she really has to go soon. I may have to stop watching if she and Erica last much longer... they just annoy me too much. You rock, Lincee! This is my 5th season with you and you never cease to make me laugh! Thanks!!

Kelly said...

I can seriously say that just made my day!

Anonymous said...

This Prince guy makes the Doctor from last year look like Mr. Personality. Seriously, if you are a Prince and good looking, I am thinking something is terribly wrong if you aren't married yet. Maybe it's because you say things like: "I keep receiving these gifts and each one is so beautiful" when you are talking about lady after lady getting out of a limo.

Houstonian said...

Erica went to my high school. It's not an act.

Anonymous said...

The Nashvilles are not together - pretty much was over before it started, but they remain friends.

Anonymous said...

where's Moana? And Susan? Maybe one of them will be the next Bachelorette!

Sela said...

@ Houstonian who went to the same high school as Socialite. THAT is scary. I think I was secretly hoping she was playing it up a bit.

I don't know... I'm not feeling any of the girls just yet. To whoever said the Prince should have asked Host Chris for the next 25... spot on! They can all be dismissed.

I'm surprised that so many liked Sadie too. I didn't like her at all. Can't quite place my finger on why just yet. She totally rubbed me the wrong way. I think Agnese (Italian Girl #2) is stunning though. Seems to have a nice personality too (I reserve the right to change my mind in future shows). Not sure how long she'll last though - given the communication barrier and all.

Lincee should have an after-the-show TV spot on ABC!

notkissed said...

Is it just me or doesn't the new "Prince" Bachelor kinda look like Steve Carrell of 40 year old virgin fame???

See what I mean?

Prince Lorenzo:


straight guy number ?? said...

I dont remember what Straight guy I was last time and for the sake that there are very few of us, I wont take anyone's number!! Haha, great recap, I honestly thought you would talke more about the Paris Hilton wannabe (Erica) I think I laughed more at her than anyone! Great job, keep it up, cant wait til next week!!

Still loving the Bachelor after all these years.... said...

Susie - I am totally with you on Herbie the Dentist. :)

For the poster who went to school with Erica...socialite? Seriously?

Yea for seeing Our Host Chris Harrison on here again!

Now, where are all the straight guys and Lawyer John???

Canadian Susy said...

Thanks for posting Lincee. Too fun....and I'm sure part of the bachelors higher ratings this year are in part to people wanting to watch it to read your recaps!! Good on ya!

Straight Guy #1 said...

Alright, it's time for us straight guys to start chiming in. I was reluctant to watch the first episode because quite frankly I hate the chatty/b!tchy/girlyness of it all, I like all the other episodes. But I was compelled to do so in order to find more humor in Lincee's writing. And then i didn't want to comment anything, but some friends kept asking where "straight guy #1" was. I'm here, I was lurking and enjoying from afar - allow me to comment!

I think the only real thing I want to say is I hate Erica. She gives Houston a bad name and I love that city. She doesn't even have a job so she had to make soemthing up and clearly, the only thing she could think of was her mommy dearest's money, so she wrote in "Socialite". Puh-lease! you're 23, get yourself an education, get your self a job, get your self out on your own and leave the gold digging to me!

Lincee, we missed you. We missed your charm, your humor and your perspectives on life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and the wacky world of the bachelor! As always you made watching a terrible episode WELL worth it. I can't wait for the rest of your comments on later episodes.

Lincee said...

Shout out to my Straight Boys!

The gang's all back. I think I might cry!

Anonymous said...

Say all you want about asking for the next 25 girls, in my opinion, the winners were the ones that got to go home on the first plane out...he is totally awkward with all the girls and he is kinda dorky. If they did that thing where the girls got to pick between two bachelors, then THIS guy would not stand a chance...

Anonymous said...

great blog. very funny!

so I know the bachelor...he was engaged to one of my best friends and they even went so far as to go to Rome to plan the wedding (a year ago) in the very places where he is now whoring himself out to find "true love"'s so distasteful I can hardly stomach it. he doesn't drive a mercedes. he doesn't work in the family product testing lab. he doesn't have a ton of money. he doesn't speak italian. and he's certainly not looking to get married...he dated my friend for 6 years before popping the question and only then because he was afraid of losing her. he can't be alone. he's more of a frog than a prince.

just had to get that out there.

kpjara said...

Nothing was as embarassing to a state as the Oklahoma Chicky from the last Bachelor! Good heavens...Thank God for American Idol!

Mom of 5 said...

OK, I have lurked here through Dr. Travis, and have absolutely LOVED you Lincee!! I am now ready to join in the fun--I can't wait for the next show!

I see everyone is back--the straight guys, #1 Jayhawk fan (FYI--K-State is much better!!), and Chris Harrison.

Thanks for all of the laughs! I am anxiously awaiting next week!

Anonymous said...

you are my new favorite person!

Bryanncarter said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bryanncarter said...

Welcome back Lincee!
I so missed you between Bachelors! You are the only reason I watch. You forgot to mention in your disclaimer not to eat and/or drink as you read, however, and I practically blew my sandwich through my nose while reading your bachelorette recaps. Yeah, very pretty. It's why I'll always be reading the recaps, and never be "living the fairytale".
Keep up the joy for us! We miss you when you are gone!

Tuscaloosa fan said...

The producers should be paying this girl. Lincee's recaps are the highlight you watch the show to be able to "get it" when you check her report the next day.

-Tuscaloosa fan [as much of a must-see, must-read as the Crimson Tide, which says a lot in this town!]

Of course, football is MUCH more serious in Alabama

Rebecca said...

We LOVE these recaps...Chris Harrison, pass the word on to ABC that they should be paying Lincee!!!

KA in MI said...

Lincee - I've watched the Bachelor from the beginning but have never read your comments before. I've been missing out on the hilarity ~ I love it!

I was wondering why the "prince" didn't keep the sell-her-car girl around to serve as translator for Italian girl 2?

anne said...

Add me to the list of people who mainly watch this show to get the full enjoyment out of your recaps. I clapped with GLEE reading this one last week - glee, I tell you. Looking forward to a fun season!

elizabeth in alabama said...

So am I the only one who thought the dentist "elf" tag was right on? Good one, Susie! Also, does anyone else think that Jeannette looks like the currently brunette Britney w/ a pre-prego body? And a midwestern accent?
Still reeling that Erica isn't a plant,

Elizabeth said...

Okay, so I can't wait for the recap today.....Lincee has plenty of material to work with after last night!!!!

notkissed said...

Watch Erica act like an idiot, again!

Anonymous said...

Alright, I've got to comment on the "Elyse spells her name funny" comment. Last time I checked there aren't to many Lincee's. Just keep it real.

Anonymous said...

Elyse spells her name funny? Hmmmmm-LINCEE

Anonymous said...

Elyse spells her name funny? Hmmmmm-LINCEE

Anonymous said...

Whrere is the post Lincee? I'm dying over here. Like a lost puppy, I just keep circling back hoping I find it...

Anonymous said...

Sadie got robbed! Show your support by wearing the t-shirt that says so.

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