Just got a sweet phone call from my boss' wife saying that Brad is going to be on Ellen tomorrow. Tune in and let's discuss!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
After the Final Rose
Our host Chris Harrison: “Two women left it tears. Brad remains a Bachelor. It was the ending the shocked America.”
I beg to differ my friend. Check out my blog. About a thousand people guessed that he wouldn’t pick either girl on the comments page. America is not THAT shocked.
But America is pretty pissy. And America wants answers!
Things we learned from last night’s After the Final Rose:
1. Trista and Ryan are still made for each other.
Our first Bachelor success couple made their way to the stage wearing jeans and t-shirts. They are so over this Bachelor thing, they don’t even feel the need to dress up. Trista, carrying cute baby Max, talks about how Ryan was climbing a mountain in Argentina when she found out she was pregnant. She discusses the show with Uncle Chris says she feels bad for everyone. I thought Ryan was mute until he took the baby and talked about throwing baseballs and catching frogs. He’s still hot. Not hotter than crap like Brad. But close.
2. Mary Mary and Butchwax are still together?
What in the world? Where did they dig them up? Mary Mary is a professional fisher woman now. I bet Butchwax loves that. Now they can be TOGETHER ALL THE TIME! There’s still a ring…and after two and a half years, there’s a date. November. I’m assuming 2008. I half expected Hanna Montana to come out and start singing to pimp her new album, but she didn’t. I guess Butchwax really isn’t Billy Ray Cyrus.
3. Jenni is going to be FINE!
Her sweet Grandma passed away two weeks ago. I feel she’s probably seeing life in a different perspective right now and could care less about Brad. ABC shows a touching montage of Grandma and I cry like a seven-year-old. Our host asks if she felt Brad was dishonest with her feelings. She graciously answers that there were little things that got her hopes up and concludes that when she saw DD get the boot, she was disappointed in Brad and lost a little respect for him.
4. I don’t know if you caught this while watching, but DD is confused. And maybe a touch angry. I’m just saying.
She expected a proposal. She doesn’t know what happened. She felt like her heart was stabbed. She thought it was rude for him to tell her he didn’t pick Jenni. She still has feelings. Pissed that he didn’t choose either one. Aggravated that he told Jenni that there was something missing, but she had the total package…and he STILL WALKED AWAY! WHY? SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHY!?! It’s not fair that she had to spend two months knowing he didn’t pick either girl. Torture for her to fake smile when people approached her and said, “I think he picks you!” But as stupid as it sounds, she still has a glimmer of hope that he won’t let her walk away for a second time.
5. Brad gets “booo’d” by the AFR audience. Nice. Now THAT is Bachelor history.
Brad says that it is hard to explain why he didn’t fall in love. He reminds us that his heart was broken too. He doesn’t have a formula for falling in love and didn’t want to give either girl false hope. There just weren’t any butterflies. We learn that ABC flew DD’s Dad out for Brad to get permission to marry her. AND IT WAS BRAD’S IDEA! He said up until the final moment he was desperately trying to make things happen. That’s why he bought the engagement ring. But a gut feeling told him it wasn’t right. He feels like a jerk. He knows he has problems. And for the record, he doesn’t have any children, is not gay and is not currently dating an ex-girlfriend.
6. Jenni wears cheeky hipster panties from Gap Body.
I know this because I saw her butt when she attacks Brad with a big huge hug. He whispers that he is sorry about her Grandma. She high fives him. He puts his arm around her, takes it away, puts his hand on her knee, takes it away. The audience laughs. Jenni calls it the friend pat. Our host Chris asks Jenni if she has any questions. And she asks the one we are all wondering. “If you had such strong feelings, what made you not want to take a chance on one of us?”
Exactly.
Brad says that it is hard to explain why he didn’t fall in love. He reminds us that his heart was broken too. He doesn’t have a formula for falling in love and didn’t want to give false hope. There just weren’t any butterflies. He thought he showed respect by walking away. Jenni doesn’t buy it and is convinced he is scared to commit.
7. DD is clearly not over Brad.
She looks like she’s going to choke him when she enters the stage. Very nervous, her question is the same as Jenni’s question. And our host’s question.
“You had two great girls. Most guys don’t even have one. Why couldn’t you choose?”
Brad says that it is hard to explain why he didn’t fall in love. He reminds us that his heart was broken too. He doesn’t have a formula for falling in love and didn’t want to give false hope. There just weren’t any butterflies.
DD rolls her eyes at our host Chris Harrison and asks him to please come up with another answer. She tells him that she was never led to believe that this wasn’t for real. He clears his throat and continues.
Brad: “There just wasn’t anything there.”
DD: (responding loudly) “BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE! WHY WALK AWAY COMPLETELY?”
Brad: “I’m just as heartbroken as you are.”
DD: “Good. I’d like to think it breaks your heart for me to sit here and still be crying. I think of you every single day…what does that mean? You are still willing to let me walk away?”
Brad: “I’m confident in my decision.”
Lincee: Noooooooooo he didn’t.
DD: “Nothing makes sense…”
Brad: “Fair enough.”
Lincee: Is that an appropriate response? Could somebody bring Chad out here to fix this mess?
DD: “You are willing to let me walk out of your life a second time?”
Brad: “I can’t apologize for not falling in love.”
Long uncomfortable pause.
DD: “I need answers and closure and this still doesn’t make sense.”
Extremely long uncomfortable pause. Awkward. Very awkward. They still aren’t talking.
DD: “The one person I trusted broke my heart.”
LOTS OF SILENCE. This is pause is going on forever. Why isn’t someone talking? Our host Chris is torturing Brad. Seriously. I’ve just gotten up and made myself a turkey sandwich and they are starring in awkward silence.
Brad: “I swear that I thought I was taking the high road.”
DD: “I seriously thought you wouldn’t let me walk out again.”
It is at this point our host Chris Harrison finally jumps in and clues DD in:
OurHCH: “I don’t think you are ever going to get the answer you are looking for
DDAHnna.”
DD: “Apparently not.”
Ouch.
Then, idiot Brad hugs DD goodbye and whispers, “I’ll miss you more than you will ever know.”
Jerk.
A lot of people have asked me what I think about his decision…if he should have picked one girl after all of that. I have several theories I’m happy to share with you. Take your pick:
1. He truly was not in love and didn’t want to fake propose or fake date either girl. So why did he say what he said to each girl?
2. He doesn’t like people to be upset or mad at him. He’s an approval addict. Must be liked and loved by everyone. Is willing to do anything to keep that balance.
3. He definitely has commitment issues.
4. He is a romantic and believes that true love…the marrying kind…does not require any work. If butterflies are not there…it’s just not meant to be.
5. His business partners talked him into going on the show to get some publicity for the bars. I don’t think he became the Bachelor for free advertising. I think he agreed thinking it would be a nice bonus…should he find the woman of his dreams. His romantic fairy-tale dream woman. Kind of like Barbie or Cinderella.
6. I think he tried to be sincere, but it backfired.
So where does that leave us? Angry? Feeling like we wasted an entire Bachelor season with no payoff?
I say…eh.
It wasn’t that bad. This season brought us crazy Hillary and her BEEP’ing potty mouth. Sweet Sheena. A wonder twin switcheroo. Solista and her pole. Stephen King. And a hotter than crap Bachelor.
It was also the season I will forever remember as the one that pushed me to a million hits on my blogsite.
Now that is something to be thankful for!
I’m off to NYC. Got a message from Straight Guy # 1 that he is in the Big Apple too. We are going to meet at the top of the Empire State Building and discuss all things Bachelor. I’ll tell him you said hi.
Here’s hoping that the new Bachelor is not a chach and that the girls are just crazy enough for us to love them. For those of you who are only here for the Bachelor, I’ll see you next year. For those who are here for me, I’ll be posting on www.ihategreenbeans.blogspot.com a few times a week.
Until then, I’m all about the shame, not the game,
Lincee
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Anyone up for a road trip to Austin?
Who feels robbed?
Well…besides Jenni Couric and DDAHnna, but that’s a given.
I feel robbed because my viewing pleasure was RUINED last night by my own ignorance. Hate it when that happens.
I volunteer on Monday nights and always rush home afterwards to watch Dancing with the Stars, the Bachelor and Chuck (in that order) from about 9:00 to 11:00. That’s right. Three one-hour shows in two hours. This is why you must have a TiVo or DVR people. It’s a time SAVER…not a time waster.
So club ran a little late last night. I got home around 9:45. Called my sister to see what her reaction was to the final rose. She too, being a smart person, was watching a digital recording of the show and was telling me how bored she was. We were visiting about my upcoming Thanksgiving trip to New York City and how ticked off I am that Broadway is black this week when it happened.
Like an idiot, I started flipping through the TV channels absent-mindedly. And there was DDAHnna crying in a limo. OH I was so mad. I enjoy the suspense. I like being surprised. And I had just ruined it for myself.
I hang up on Jamie laughing her butt off at me, search for my laptop to take notes when my phone rings again. It’s my pregnant friend Karen who has been on bed rest for about 88 months.
Lincee: “Are you in labor? Has the baby come?”
Karen (sounding weepy): “No. I just want to know what you thought.”
Lincee: “I haven’t watched it yet. Are you crying?”
Karen: “Just a little.”
Lincee: “Is it that dramatic? Or are these your crazy hormones talking?”
Karen: “Well, I’ve been feeling some pressure this evening. We’ve been contemplating if I should go to the hospital, but I wanted to watch the last 10 minutes of the show. Call me when you are done.”
That’s a true fan ladies and gentlemen. FYI: Karen did not have her baby. The pressure went away. She is a crazy prego woman, but you’ll be happy to know that she and Ryan have decided to name the baby Chad Brad. Or Christopher Harris.
So now I’ve punched play and have just been told by our host Chris Harrison that this is the most dramatic finale in Bachelor history when the phone rings AGAIN. It’s Jamie.
I punch pause. Again.
Jam: “Are you watching this?”
Lincee: “Trying to.”
Jam: “Call me when you are done.”
Interesting…I’ve received two “call me when you are done” so something exciting must happen. SWEETNESS!
Then little boxes start popping up on my computer.
YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK MESSAGE
YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK MESSAGE
INBOX GMAIL MESSAGE
INBOX GMAIL MESSAGE
YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK MESSAGE
Needless to say, I had pumped myself up for some serious drama. Our host Chris Harrison wouldn’t lie to me!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this witty banter and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying spaghetti O’s or have a Pilates instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show...none of this is personal and I'm sure they are all lovely people.
Meeting the Womacks
We see Brad drinking coffee from his beach house balcony looking mighty sad. He is confused. Poor thing is head over heels for two women and doesn’t know what to do.
Luckily, wonder twin Chad, other brother Wes and Mamma Pam are to the rescue! They will help Brad choose the love of his life!
Brad: “You guys are really going to love DDAHnna. She’s strong and independent.”
Mamma Pam: “Where’s she from?”
Brad: “She’s from Atlanta.”
Mamma Pam: “HOT DOG! A Southern girl. Does she eat grits?”
Before Brad can answer that important question, the doorbell rings. Brad jumps up and runs to let one of the loves of his life in to meet the family.
Brad: “Guys…this is DeAHnna…not DeANNa. She’ll get mad at you if you mess it up. And I’m not playing. She’s a bit sensitive to her name.”
Mamma Pam: “Well, I can’t get all that straight. I’m going to jump right in and call you DD. Or Sweetheart. How about Sugar Plum?”
Wonder Twin: “Hi. I’m Brad. SYKE!”
Other brother: Rolls eyes and gives thanks that he got the brains of the family.
The group heads to the balcony to have drinks. Mamma Pam is excited to see that Brad is really into Sugar Plum. Brad tells the brothers that DDAHnna tended bars for eight years and that if she is chosen, they will not only gain a sister-in-law, but an employee. Everyone laughs. Wonder Twin and Other Brother run off to find a football. Mamma Pam talks about how one cup of sugar should be added to all baking ingredients. And DDAHnna allows herself to think about her wedding for exactly 10 seconds as Brad affectionately brushes her hair behind her ear.
Mamma Pam and Sugar Plum have some alone time. They talk about how she’s in love, wants a big family and how she is hoping for a proposal. Mamma Pam is SOLD and is eager to get back to her boys to spread the good news!
Unfortunately, boys will be boys and that moment never arrives. Wonder Twin and Other Brother shove Brad in the pool and then jump in after him.
This makes me love the Womacks even more! And DDAHnna agrees with me. She said it was good to see him not so serious.
A dripping wet, hotter than crap Brad walks DDAHnna to her waiting SUV. He feels bad that he can’t hug her and give her a proper goodbye. Lincee thinks DDAHnna is an idiot for not grabbing him in a long embrace and making out right there, but those are my issues I have to deal with. He says he will miss her. She says she loved his family. She confesses to the camera that she feels like she could be his wife and that it’s scary that he may not choose her.
Back in the Bachelor pad, we see Brad and Chad in clean, dry clothes. Poor Other Brother has a little more girth than the twins and was not able to raid Brad’s closet. An irritated ABC intern is sent to the local Gap to purchase some clothes. We can’t have Other Brother walking around in a shorty robe, now can we?
Meanwhile, Jenni Couric bounds through the living room giving three cheers for the Womacks! Brad tells the camera that he is always on cloud nine when it comes to Jenni and as a result, hugged her forever. And then fixed her hair.
Does someone have a fetish? I think so!
The group goes out to the balcony to have some lunch. Mamma Pam asks Jenni if she has told Brad that she loves him. AWKWARD! Jenni says that she has not. Mamma Pam cocks her eyebrow at Jenni and requests some alone time so she can talk some sense into her.
Mamma Pam: “You know that old saying about how you are not marrying my family…you are marrying me? Well that’s not true in Brad’s case. You are marrying all of us and if I don’t pick a nickname for you in the first 10 minutes of meeting, you are on a very bad list young lady. Now let me ask you again…if Brad got down on one knee and asked you to marry him, what would you say?”
Jenni: “Yes! I love you! Let’s go right now!”
Mamma Pam: “That’s my Honey Bun. Let’s get back to the boys before they do something silly on national TV. I saw some irons in the shape of roses in the BBQ pit. I think Wonder Twin and Other Brother may try to brand my baby before you leave today. C’mon.”
Jenni: “Tossing the pigskin with the boys was so fun. I love being with Brad’s family. It makes everything so perfect. I’m ready to be a part of their family. Jennifer Dawn Womack. That sounds good, huh?”
Meanwhile, Brad needs some clarity. And where do you go to find clarity? Your Mamma.
Mamma Pam: “Are you in love?”
Brad: “I feel like I’m going to break two hearts…mine and the woman I don’t choose.”
Mamma Pam: “It was easier for me to talk to Sugar Plum. You’ve made this a difficult decision for all of us. Go get some straws and we’ll pick. Shortest goes home.”
Brad: “Thanks for nothing Mom.”
Alone Time with DDAHnna/Sugar Plum
DDAHnna sees herself marrying Brad, living happily ever after and cooking lasagna for him every night.
Brad: “It smells good in here!”
DDAH: “I baked!”
Lincee: Where the crap are they?
Brad: “This lasagna is good. So good.”
DDAH: “I’ll be crushed if you don’t pick me.”
Lincee: Seriously. Is this some random apartment complex that ABC has taken over for the day?
Brad: “I have very strong feelings. You are everything I’ve always looked for in a woman. You will be an incredible wife and better mother.”
DDAH: “It’s reassuring to know that you are thinking ahead.”
Lincee: I’m convinced this is the “option A” model floor plan.
Brad: “So are you going to yell at me when I leave the toilet seat up?”
DDAH: “I’ll let it slide one or twice. Then we have to talk. Same with the dishes and laundry. We have to do it my way.”
Lincee: Does anyone decorate with hunter green, maroon and navy blue anymore? And why are they talking about toilets?
Brad: “I want to be honest with you.”
DDAH: “I want to be happy. I want this for the rest of my life. That’s what scares me. I am falling in love with you and see myself marrying you. If you do not choose me, you choose the wrong person.”
Lincee: SNAP!
Alone Time with Jenni Couric
Brad: “Tonight, I have to put DDAHnna out of my mind and focus on Jenni.”
JC: “Today, I’ve been a huge mess. It’s the last time I get to see him before he makes huge decision.”
Lincee: Then why are you serving him peas?
JC: “When it comes to me, you have nothing to be scared about.” (Followed by a flood of tears and a bunch of apologizing and saying, “I’m sorry!”)
Brad: “Look…scoot next to me…don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
Lincee: You don’t get many “scoot next to me” in this day and age. Again. Why I heart Brad.
Then there was a bunch of boring talk about feelings and being scared and chopsticks and being real with each other and more apologizing and a bit of ugly crying to round out the night.
Finally.
And then she brings out a journal that she wrote for him. Here we go again…
Bunch apprehension that he’ll think she’s goofy, talk about how she loves everything about him and wants Brad in her life, etc.
Then she takes a deep breath and tells him she is falling in love.
That turns into another long soliloquy of Jenni Couric literally pouring her heart out to Brad through tears, gasps, gulps, snot and sweat. It was a beautiful thing.
Brad then goes to pick out an engagement ring. The best part about this two minute segment was the 15 seconds we saw of him getting dressed.
Final Rose
Brad tells the camera that he knows what he’s going to do and is confident in the decision he has made. It’s all about following his heart. It’s the most difficult thing he has ever done.
Limo pulls up. Our host Chris Harrison opens the door and extends his hand to Jenni.
Brad: “How are you?”
JC: “Good, you?”
Brad: “Good.”
I figure she probably knows at this point.
Brad: “I’m standing here looking at somebody that brings out a different side of me. And I hate to say this, but I want something more that I can’t find with us. Never thought I’d tell you goodbye…but here I am…and it breaks my heart. Please look at me. I want you to know how much I care and how much this hurts me. If you have anything to say, please say it.”
JC: “I can’t. I feel embarrassed for telling you how I felt.”
Brad: “There is nothing embarrassing about a person telling someone how they feel. It’s only on ABC which happens to be on national TV. But most people are probably watching Monday Night Football right now. So don’t worry. No one will remember this by the time you dance for the Phoenix Suns. A new Bachelor will be on in the spring to waste everyone’s time. Come here to me and give me a hug.”
Brad puts Jenni in the car and watches her drive away. He tells the camera that there is not a single thing he’s looking for in his ideal wife that DDAHnna does not possess. He then says, “It makes me more nervous for what I’m about to do.”
In true ABC trickeration, the sound guy plays romantic piano music when our host Chris Harrison leads DDAHnna to the guillotine.
Brad: “You look beautiful.”
DD: Looking scared.
Brad: “I told someone I was done when I saw you for the first time.”
DD: Looking hopeful.
Brad: “Remember when you said marriage is one time and one time only…I feel exact same way.”
DD: Smile spreading across her face in excitement.
Brad: “I just said goodbye to Jenni…”
DD: Wave of relief on her face!
Why Brad? Why in the WORLD did you start your breakup sentence with, “I just said goodbye to Jenni.”
Bless DD’s heart.
Then he starts fiddling with the tie. Pulling at the collar. She’s amused for a split second thinking it’s endearing because he is nervous to propose. She then realizes that this is what he does when he’s disappointed someone. She was there for the Hillary debacle. Remember? THE MOST DRAMATIC EXIT IN BACHELOR HISTORY! He leaves the proposal pedestal (sponsored by Home Depot) and starts pacing the enchanted garden. Poor DD has a deer in the headlights look. She knows this can’t be good. He returns to his spot, marked clearly by the ABC intern with a piece of blue electrical tape and begins his speech:
“I look at you and see so many things that I never thought I would have in my entire life. I have so many feelings for you and I want so badly to be confident to pick you up and twirl you around and give you a diamond ring. But I can’t look you in your eye and tell you I love you. Can’t give you a promise that I can’t keep. I refuse to do that. I have to tell you goodbye.”
I would have given $1,000 to see DD hop off the Home Depot pedestal and start pacing before she responded. That would have been classic.
Instead, she asks very smart questions:
DD: “How you can say goodbye? I guess my feelings are different. Am I a friend?”
Brad: “No…not at all. Love means so much to me. I refuse to give you false promises.”
DD: “That doesn’t sound right. If you care about someone, how can you watch them walk away?”
Brad: “I never meant to hurt you.”
DD: “Well I’m hurting.”
Brad: “Do you know how much I care about you?”
DD: “No I don’t. I thought I did. Until just now. (Hold it together DD.) I thought I had it all figured out. This is why I never wear my heart on my sleeve.”
Brad (teary eyed): “Don’t say that to me. Come here to me.”
Poor DD turns her head away from the camera and sobs in Brad’s shoulder. Little did she know that there was a secret bush camera and we saw the whole thing. But she held herself high with as much dignity as any of us would have in that situation I think.
DD: “So what happens when you regret your decision?”
Lincee: Saucy!
Brad: “I have to walk you out right now.”
Brutal Brad. Was the rent up on the bachelor pad or something? Did you have to pack up and head back to Austin because the bar business is doing so well with your new found fame? Or is it that you can’t handle the pressure of a broken heart? Need to go sit on the Home Depot pedestal and stare at the engagement ring for a good 30 seconds while the crane camera pulls away for a wide shot? Yeah…that’s what I would do too.
And don’t your hearts go out to Jenni and DD? Bless their hearts. DD’s poor lonely walk down the hallway to her hotel room. Just tragic.
I say Brad is an okay guy. My theory is that he was approached in his bar to be the next Bachelor. Having probably never heard of the show, he did some research and learned that it NEVER works out. He called a meeting of the minds with his partners Wonder Twin and Other Brother. They ran some numbers and thought it would be good for business to partake of this little reality show. Worse case scenario, he makes ABC write into his contract that he doesn’t have to pretend propose or pretend date the girl. Best case scenario, he finds someone that he is legitimately interested in.
Does he have commitment issues? That wouldn’t surprise me if it were true. Is he a heart breaker? I don’t think on purpose. I think he went in to the show with a view of fun and 15 minutes of fame for his business. I think he came out feeling like a door knob and probably regretting he agreed to do it in the first place.
I guess we will find out more tonight during AFTER THE FINAL ROSE!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Well…besides Jenni Couric and DDAHnna, but that’s a given.
I feel robbed because my viewing pleasure was RUINED last night by my own ignorance. Hate it when that happens.
I volunteer on Monday nights and always rush home afterwards to watch Dancing with the Stars, the Bachelor and Chuck (in that order) from about 9:00 to 11:00. That’s right. Three one-hour shows in two hours. This is why you must have a TiVo or DVR people. It’s a time SAVER…not a time waster.
So club ran a little late last night. I got home around 9:45. Called my sister to see what her reaction was to the final rose. She too, being a smart person, was watching a digital recording of the show and was telling me how bored she was. We were visiting about my upcoming Thanksgiving trip to New York City and how ticked off I am that Broadway is black this week when it happened.
Like an idiot, I started flipping through the TV channels absent-mindedly. And there was DDAHnna crying in a limo. OH I was so mad. I enjoy the suspense. I like being surprised. And I had just ruined it for myself.
I hang up on Jamie laughing her butt off at me, search for my laptop to take notes when my phone rings again. It’s my pregnant friend Karen who has been on bed rest for about 88 months.
Lincee: “Are you in labor? Has the baby come?”
Karen (sounding weepy): “No. I just want to know what you thought.”
Lincee: “I haven’t watched it yet. Are you crying?”
Karen: “Just a little.”
Lincee: “Is it that dramatic? Or are these your crazy hormones talking?”
Karen: “Well, I’ve been feeling some pressure this evening. We’ve been contemplating if I should go to the hospital, but I wanted to watch the last 10 minutes of the show. Call me when you are done.”
That’s a true fan ladies and gentlemen. FYI: Karen did not have her baby. The pressure went away. She is a crazy prego woman, but you’ll be happy to know that she and Ryan have decided to name the baby Chad Brad. Or Christopher Harris.
So now I’ve punched play and have just been told by our host Chris Harrison that this is the most dramatic finale in Bachelor history when the phone rings AGAIN. It’s Jamie.
I punch pause. Again.
Jam: “Are you watching this?”
Lincee: “Trying to.”
Jam: “Call me when you are done.”
Interesting…I’ve received two “call me when you are done” so something exciting must happen. SWEETNESS!
Then little boxes start popping up on my computer.
YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK MESSAGE
YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK MESSAGE
INBOX GMAIL MESSAGE
INBOX GMAIL MESSAGE
YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK MESSAGE
Needless to say, I had pumped myself up for some serious drama. Our host Chris Harrison wouldn’t lie to me!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this witty banter and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying spaghetti O’s or have a Pilates instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show...none of this is personal and I'm sure they are all lovely people.
Meeting the Womacks
We see Brad drinking coffee from his beach house balcony looking mighty sad. He is confused. Poor thing is head over heels for two women and doesn’t know what to do.
Luckily, wonder twin Chad, other brother Wes and Mamma Pam are to the rescue! They will help Brad choose the love of his life!
Brad: “You guys are really going to love DDAHnna. She’s strong and independent.”
Mamma Pam: “Where’s she from?”
Brad: “She’s from Atlanta.”
Mamma Pam: “HOT DOG! A Southern girl. Does she eat grits?”
Before Brad can answer that important question, the doorbell rings. Brad jumps up and runs to let one of the loves of his life in to meet the family.
Brad: “Guys…this is DeAHnna…not DeANNa. She’ll get mad at you if you mess it up. And I’m not playing. She’s a bit sensitive to her name.”
Mamma Pam: “Well, I can’t get all that straight. I’m going to jump right in and call you DD. Or Sweetheart. How about Sugar Plum?”
Wonder Twin: “Hi. I’m Brad. SYKE!”
Other brother: Rolls eyes and gives thanks that he got the brains of the family.
The group heads to the balcony to have drinks. Mamma Pam is excited to see that Brad is really into Sugar Plum. Brad tells the brothers that DDAHnna tended bars for eight years and that if she is chosen, they will not only gain a sister-in-law, but an employee. Everyone laughs. Wonder Twin and Other Brother run off to find a football. Mamma Pam talks about how one cup of sugar should be added to all baking ingredients. And DDAHnna allows herself to think about her wedding for exactly 10 seconds as Brad affectionately brushes her hair behind her ear.
Mamma Pam and Sugar Plum have some alone time. They talk about how she’s in love, wants a big family and how she is hoping for a proposal. Mamma Pam is SOLD and is eager to get back to her boys to spread the good news!
Unfortunately, boys will be boys and that moment never arrives. Wonder Twin and Other Brother shove Brad in the pool and then jump in after him.
This makes me love the Womacks even more! And DDAHnna agrees with me. She said it was good to see him not so serious.
A dripping wet, hotter than crap Brad walks DDAHnna to her waiting SUV. He feels bad that he can’t hug her and give her a proper goodbye. Lincee thinks DDAHnna is an idiot for not grabbing him in a long embrace and making out right there, but those are my issues I have to deal with. He says he will miss her. She says she loved his family. She confesses to the camera that she feels like she could be his wife and that it’s scary that he may not choose her.
Back in the Bachelor pad, we see Brad and Chad in clean, dry clothes. Poor Other Brother has a little more girth than the twins and was not able to raid Brad’s closet. An irritated ABC intern is sent to the local Gap to purchase some clothes. We can’t have Other Brother walking around in a shorty robe, now can we?
Meanwhile, Jenni Couric bounds through the living room giving three cheers for the Womacks! Brad tells the camera that he is always on cloud nine when it comes to Jenni and as a result, hugged her forever. And then fixed her hair.
Does someone have a fetish? I think so!
The group goes out to the balcony to have some lunch. Mamma Pam asks Jenni if she has told Brad that she loves him. AWKWARD! Jenni says that she has not. Mamma Pam cocks her eyebrow at Jenni and requests some alone time so she can talk some sense into her.
Mamma Pam: “You know that old saying about how you are not marrying my family…you are marrying me? Well that’s not true in Brad’s case. You are marrying all of us and if I don’t pick a nickname for you in the first 10 minutes of meeting, you are on a very bad list young lady. Now let me ask you again…if Brad got down on one knee and asked you to marry him, what would you say?”
Jenni: “Yes! I love you! Let’s go right now!”
Mamma Pam: “That’s my Honey Bun. Let’s get back to the boys before they do something silly on national TV. I saw some irons in the shape of roses in the BBQ pit. I think Wonder Twin and Other Brother may try to brand my baby before you leave today. C’mon.”
Jenni: “Tossing the pigskin with the boys was so fun. I love being with Brad’s family. It makes everything so perfect. I’m ready to be a part of their family. Jennifer Dawn Womack. That sounds good, huh?”
Meanwhile, Brad needs some clarity. And where do you go to find clarity? Your Mamma.
Mamma Pam: “Are you in love?”
Brad: “I feel like I’m going to break two hearts…mine and the woman I don’t choose.”
Mamma Pam: “It was easier for me to talk to Sugar Plum. You’ve made this a difficult decision for all of us. Go get some straws and we’ll pick. Shortest goes home.”
Brad: “Thanks for nothing Mom.”
Alone Time with DDAHnna/Sugar Plum
DDAHnna sees herself marrying Brad, living happily ever after and cooking lasagna for him every night.
Brad: “It smells good in here!”
DDAH: “I baked!”
Lincee: Where the crap are they?
Brad: “This lasagna is good. So good.”
DDAH: “I’ll be crushed if you don’t pick me.”
Lincee: Seriously. Is this some random apartment complex that ABC has taken over for the day?
Brad: “I have very strong feelings. You are everything I’ve always looked for in a woman. You will be an incredible wife and better mother.”
DDAH: “It’s reassuring to know that you are thinking ahead.”
Lincee: I’m convinced this is the “option A” model floor plan.
Brad: “So are you going to yell at me when I leave the toilet seat up?”
DDAH: “I’ll let it slide one or twice. Then we have to talk. Same with the dishes and laundry. We have to do it my way.”
Lincee: Does anyone decorate with hunter green, maroon and navy blue anymore? And why are they talking about toilets?
Brad: “I want to be honest with you.”
DDAH: “I want to be happy. I want this for the rest of my life. That’s what scares me. I am falling in love with you and see myself marrying you. If you do not choose me, you choose the wrong person.”
Lincee: SNAP!
Alone Time with Jenni Couric
Brad: “Tonight, I have to put DDAHnna out of my mind and focus on Jenni.”
JC: “Today, I’ve been a huge mess. It’s the last time I get to see him before he makes huge decision.”
Lincee: Then why are you serving him peas?
JC: “When it comes to me, you have nothing to be scared about.” (Followed by a flood of tears and a bunch of apologizing and saying, “I’m sorry!”)
Brad: “Look…scoot next to me…don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
Lincee: You don’t get many “scoot next to me” in this day and age. Again. Why I heart Brad.
Then there was a bunch of boring talk about feelings and being scared and chopsticks and being real with each other and more apologizing and a bit of ugly crying to round out the night.
Finally.
And then she brings out a journal that she wrote for him. Here we go again…
Bunch apprehension that he’ll think she’s goofy, talk about how she loves everything about him and wants Brad in her life, etc.
Then she takes a deep breath and tells him she is falling in love.
That turns into another long soliloquy of Jenni Couric literally pouring her heart out to Brad through tears, gasps, gulps, snot and sweat. It was a beautiful thing.
Brad then goes to pick out an engagement ring. The best part about this two minute segment was the 15 seconds we saw of him getting dressed.
Final Rose
Brad tells the camera that he knows what he’s going to do and is confident in the decision he has made. It’s all about following his heart. It’s the most difficult thing he has ever done.
Limo pulls up. Our host Chris Harrison opens the door and extends his hand to Jenni.
Brad: “How are you?”
JC: “Good, you?”
Brad: “Good.”
I figure she probably knows at this point.
Brad: “I’m standing here looking at somebody that brings out a different side of me. And I hate to say this, but I want something more that I can’t find with us. Never thought I’d tell you goodbye…but here I am…and it breaks my heart. Please look at me. I want you to know how much I care and how much this hurts me. If you have anything to say, please say it.”
JC: “I can’t. I feel embarrassed for telling you how I felt.”
Brad: “There is nothing embarrassing about a person telling someone how they feel. It’s only on ABC which happens to be on national TV. But most people are probably watching Monday Night Football right now. So don’t worry. No one will remember this by the time you dance for the Phoenix Suns. A new Bachelor will be on in the spring to waste everyone’s time. Come here to me and give me a hug.”
Brad puts Jenni in the car and watches her drive away. He tells the camera that there is not a single thing he’s looking for in his ideal wife that DDAHnna does not possess. He then says, “It makes me more nervous for what I’m about to do.”
In true ABC trickeration, the sound guy plays romantic piano music when our host Chris Harrison leads DDAHnna to the guillotine.
Brad: “You look beautiful.”
DD: Looking scared.
Brad: “I told someone I was done when I saw you for the first time.”
DD: Looking hopeful.
Brad: “Remember when you said marriage is one time and one time only…I feel exact same way.”
DD: Smile spreading across her face in excitement.
Brad: “I just said goodbye to Jenni…”
DD: Wave of relief on her face!
Why Brad? Why in the WORLD did you start your breakup sentence with, “I just said goodbye to Jenni.”
Bless DD’s heart.
Then he starts fiddling with the tie. Pulling at the collar. She’s amused for a split second thinking it’s endearing because he is nervous to propose. She then realizes that this is what he does when he’s disappointed someone. She was there for the Hillary debacle. Remember? THE MOST DRAMATIC EXIT IN BACHELOR HISTORY! He leaves the proposal pedestal (sponsored by Home Depot) and starts pacing the enchanted garden. Poor DD has a deer in the headlights look. She knows this can’t be good. He returns to his spot, marked clearly by the ABC intern with a piece of blue electrical tape and begins his speech:
“I look at you and see so many things that I never thought I would have in my entire life. I have so many feelings for you and I want so badly to be confident to pick you up and twirl you around and give you a diamond ring. But I can’t look you in your eye and tell you I love you. Can’t give you a promise that I can’t keep. I refuse to do that. I have to tell you goodbye.”
I would have given $1,000 to see DD hop off the Home Depot pedestal and start pacing before she responded. That would have been classic.
Instead, she asks very smart questions:
DD: “How you can say goodbye? I guess my feelings are different. Am I a friend?”
Brad: “No…not at all. Love means so much to me. I refuse to give you false promises.”
DD: “That doesn’t sound right. If you care about someone, how can you watch them walk away?”
Brad: “I never meant to hurt you.”
DD: “Well I’m hurting.”
Brad: “Do you know how much I care about you?”
DD: “No I don’t. I thought I did. Until just now. (Hold it together DD.) I thought I had it all figured out. This is why I never wear my heart on my sleeve.”
Brad (teary eyed): “Don’t say that to me. Come here to me.”
Poor DD turns her head away from the camera and sobs in Brad’s shoulder. Little did she know that there was a secret bush camera and we saw the whole thing. But she held herself high with as much dignity as any of us would have in that situation I think.
DD: “So what happens when you regret your decision?”
Lincee: Saucy!
Brad: “I have to walk you out right now.”
Brutal Brad. Was the rent up on the bachelor pad or something? Did you have to pack up and head back to Austin because the bar business is doing so well with your new found fame? Or is it that you can’t handle the pressure of a broken heart? Need to go sit on the Home Depot pedestal and stare at the engagement ring for a good 30 seconds while the crane camera pulls away for a wide shot? Yeah…that’s what I would do too.
And don’t your hearts go out to Jenni and DD? Bless their hearts. DD’s poor lonely walk down the hallway to her hotel room. Just tragic.
I say Brad is an okay guy. My theory is that he was approached in his bar to be the next Bachelor. Having probably never heard of the show, he did some research and learned that it NEVER works out. He called a meeting of the minds with his partners Wonder Twin and Other Brother. They ran some numbers and thought it would be good for business to partake of this little reality show. Worse case scenario, he makes ABC write into his contract that he doesn’t have to pretend propose or pretend date the girl. Best case scenario, he finds someone that he is legitimately interested in.
Does he have commitment issues? That wouldn’t surprise me if it were true. Is he a heart breaker? I don’t think on purpose. I think he went in to the show with a view of fun and 15 minutes of fame for his business. I think he came out feeling like a door knob and probably regretting he agreed to do it in the first place.
I guess we will find out more tonight during AFTER THE FINAL ROSE!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Monday, November 19, 2007
Who's PUMPED?!?!
This picture means nothing to me.
I have no clue who he is going to pick.
Five more hours!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Women Tell All…And They Don’t Hold Back
The “Women Tell All” episode is always fun for me. For once, I don’t feel like I have to take extensive notes to remember all the juicy details. Instead, I just make a list of all the crazy things these media hungry girls say on national TV.
So I thought it would be fun to just write out…verbatim…what was in my notes.
WARNING: This might be a bit random.
- Seriously…the twin thing again?
- Our host Chris Harrison is so cute and witty.
- Hillary said that Brad is hotter than David Beckham.
Close...but not cigar. No one can mess with Becks.
- The word “b!tch” was uttered 14 times in that montage. Classy ladies!
- Someone said that Solisa is a slut. You think? Nice boob shot. Nice butt shot. Nice boob/butt shot. Nice body shot. Nice topless shot. Nice crotch shot.
- McNasty smells like a fish taco?
- Our host Chris Harrison asks McCracken if she was a bully. McCracken says that she and DDAHnna were just straight forward and mature. She then called someone a b!tch and turns to pout to her neighbor, realizes it is Hillary and sticks her tongue out at her.- Stephy tells McCracken, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say at all.” McCracken has to be smacked on the back of the head so her eyeballs return to the proper placement in her eye sockets.
- Sarah wants to know why McCracken was so rude to her. McCracken simply states, “I don’t want to be friends with you.” Sarah calls her a ho skank. Let’s take that phrase to the bank readers! You don’t get ho skank anymore! Spread it around!
- McCracken said that all Jade and Hillary did was talk about her and DDAHnna. She thanks the girls for wasting “air time” on them. SNAP!
- Our host Chris Harrison plays the b-roll footage of Hillary comparing Bettina to an old used car…one you have to kick to make sure it runs. Bettina smiles blankly. Hillary laughs like an idiot and says she was drunk. McCracken says that she should have said that comment to Bettina’s face. Hillary pulls McCracken’s hair and says, “I stayed a week longer than you beyotch” and follows up with something resembling, “Neener, neener , neener!”
And that was just the first five minutes.
I think there are 1.2 million candles on the set.
Hillary in the hot seat:
- She’s still an idiot.
- Thanks ABC for showing us the footage of Hillary talking about chemistry and how Brad could be her best friend, lover and husband.
- Look! There’s the fake wedding dress that is two sizes too small! Nothing like a good heaving moment and feeling your boobs under your chin. I think I just saw a nip!
- Our host Chris Harrison asks Bettina why she cried almost every time she was with Brad. Hillary answers, “I know! What was that about? They should have given me PMS medicine.” They? Who are they? PROOF ladies and gentleman that there is INDEED an ABC psychotherapist.
- Our host Chris Harrison also points out that the “f” word was thrown around a lot. Friend. (Oh Chris…you sly dog.) He wonders how she didn’t see that coming? Hillary wonders why Brad didn’t tell her at the pool party. CHRIS HARRISON CLASSIC LINE NUMBER ONE: “Uhm…I think he did. Other than writing a sky writer to say, ‘Hil…we are just friends.’ Let’s face it. Even if he did you’d probably think, ‘Oh! He’s proposing!”
THAT, my friends, is what we need more of on The Bachelor. Our host Chris Harrison shooting from the hip. He and I together? Golden. I’m waiting for my call ABC producers.
Bettina in the hot seat:
- Our host Chris Harrison talks about Bettina’s emotional journey and how she was the controversial one of the group
- The girls feel that she was totally different in front of Brad
- There’s her Stephen King Dad again…laughing at Brad’s empty brain
- Our host Chris Harrison brings up how she was jealous of Sheena’s date. Sheena says that she would have been happy sitting on a towel in the parking lot. Who doesn’t love this girl?
- Bettina admits that she was totally surprised she got a rose after watching hometown date. She knows that Brad felt judged, but quite frankly she says she was a little turned off by Brad. She felt he was attacking her family and defends their attitude toward him
Spoken like a girl who came in third place. LOVED Brad’s reaction back stage to that comment. I’m sure he’s feeling complete confidence that booting Bettina was the right thing to do.
What the crap question of the night:
Random audience member to Bettina: Was it uncomfortable being intimate with Brad on your overnight date?
Sheena in the hot seat:
- Sheena gets a kudos montage of her freaking out about wonder twin Chad’s lack of blond ear hair. Can we please, PLEASE, step away from the ear hair? If I hear the infamous poem…so help me…
- We also see a video montage of her falling down the stairs and ugly crying. She talks about jumping down a rabbit hole too. She does resemble Alice in Wonderland, but I’m not sure that was the analogy they were going for.
Wonder Twin Chad in the hot seat:
- Sweet wonder twin Chad talks about how he and his brother look nothing alike. He knows that Brad is the good looking one. Did you not want to pick him up and rock him back and forth and call him your own? Just me?
- Our host Chris talks about the girls who had no idea he was a twin. Mainly fetus Sarah and other fetus Lindsey. Both claimed that they just trusted he was who he said he was. Poor Lindsey was confused as to why he was shorter.
- Wonder twin Chad said that Sheena exudes class. He said when you are genuine, you can’t hide it. All together now…AWWWWWWWWWWW!
Brad in the hot seat:
- He’s hotter than crap.
- Question from Hillary: “Obviously watching the show, I got it that we were just friends. I wish you were little bit more jugular…you were skirting around the issue. CHRIS HARRISON CLASSIC LINE NUMBER TWO: “Maybe you could have sported a tattoo that says Just Friends?” Hotter than crap Brad responds, “I do love you to death. I think more highly of you than you realize.” Not sure that was the appropriate answer for the psycho hyperventilating chick Brad. What’s that number again? The one for the restraining order store? You might want to put that on speed dial.
- Question from Bettina: “I know you felt judged by family. So why the heck did you give me a rose?” Hotter than crap Brad responds: “Because of you not your family.”
Seriously? Could he be more perfect? (Read like Chandler Bing.)
Bachelorettes Gone Wild reel:
- Solisa says she is shy. Video reveals that she might be for hire. Nice pole.
- In a brilliant move that will forever be one of the best WTA moments in Bachelor history, ABC chooses to show the Hillary “X-Rated” voice over of how she plans to have the Bachelor ravish her. Eighteen seconds of constant beeps and mouth blurs. The camera cuts from the b-roll, to an embarrassed Hillary, to a blushing Brad, back to snickering Chris, a laughing Hillary, b-roll still playing, back to uncomfortable Brad, on to Chris looking at his watch and back to b-roll. CHRIS HARRISON CLASSIC LINE NUMBER THREE: (Uncomfortable pause for effect) “Do you want to rethink your decision?”
YES! HE NEEDS TO BE A BIGGER PART OF THIS SHOW! YOU CAN’T TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO COME UP WITH ZINGERS LIKE THAT!
Our host Chris looks at Brad and says, “You can’t tell us how this ends, but can you tell us if you are happy?”
Brad answers, “Absolutely not a single regret. Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.”
Such a southern gentleman. Swoon!
ABC thinks we are idiots, and play a reel from two years ago about what the next Bachelor needs to be. I was not fooled. Lots of past season girls saying things like, “Hot!” and “Rich!” and “Funny!” mixed in with current girls from this season.
Our final video montages are two quick clips about both Jenni and DDAHnna. Here’s what our hotter than crap Bachelor had to say about both:
Jenni: She is an incredible woman who loves life. She’s always smiling and I can’t keep my hands off of her. From day one I was very attracted.
DDAH: She blew me away. She’s the whole package…beautiful, intelligent and independent. She’s made it through tough circumstances in her life and I admire her strength. She makes me want to be a stronger person. She’s a strong southern girl with values.
A quick vote from our panel of booted Bachelorettes, and we find the score pretty even. Six think Jenni is the winner and five believe DDAHnna will get the ring.
What do I think? Tough to say. He’s constantly talks about following his heart. And his description of DDAHnna seemed very heart-felt. His thoughts on Jenni seem to be very physical.
This could be the power of ABC editing as well. They choose what we hear and see.
I’d like to believe he doesn’t pick either because he reads http://www.thebachelorrecaps.com/ and has fallen head over heels in love with me and my witty banter.
Hey…it could happen.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Friday, November 09, 2007
Clarification...
One of the last questions of my previous posts was confusing to you readers but made TOTAL sarcastic sense in my head. Now that I've had a few days to clear my mind on a rig in the mountains of Wyoming, I see where you got confused.
Sadly, I was not invited to Women Tell All. I will be enjoying the musings of our host Chris Harrison just as you will...hiding behind a couch cushion in my living room while searching frantically for something to shove in my ears.
Here's looking forward to a marvelous train wreck!
Sadly, I was not invited to Women Tell All. I will be enjoying the musings of our host Chris Harrison just as you will...hiding behind a couch cushion in my living room while searching frantically for something to shove in my ears.
Here's looking forward to a marvelous train wreck!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
This is a Test...
It’s taken me so long to write this recap because I’ve been staring at a blank screen for eight hours. Seriously. I’ve been experiencing heart palpitations because I have no idea what to write. Was the show even an hour long last night?
Don’t get me wrong…I love my future husband Brad Womack, but there was some definite snooze moments last night.
I guess the only thing to do is bring back a popular format from last season and check to see if ANYONE was paying attention to last night’s episode.
It’s test time!
Everyone have their number two pencils ready?
Date One
Jenni Couric
What was Jenni’s reaction when she found out they were going to swim with dolphins?
A. SHUT UP!
B. I’m scared!
C. I don’t want to look like a weenie!
D. All of the above.
What best describes Jenni’s bathing bottoms?
A. Cheetah print
B. Junior’s Department sale rack
C. Tiny kitten with a pink bow on its head
D. Non existent
What was your favorite underwater shot during the dolphin date?
A. Jenni and Brad’s flailing legs mercifully treading water
B. Jenni’s butt cheeks straddling the dolphin
C. Jenni’s crotch
D. Close-up of Jenni’s crotch
Quote from Brad: “I would love to spend the night with Jenni and get to know her in that way.” What do you think “that way” means to Brad?
A. That way her tongue feels down his throat
B. That way her snores sound like a buzz saw
C. That way her breath smells in the morning
D. Bow-chicka-bow-bow
True or False
Brad: “I will respect you in the morning.”
What was the “something special” that Brad had for Jenni in his pocket?
A. Forgo card fantasy suite invitation
B. A rose
C. Mr. Happy
D. A picture of Grandma Betty…OPAH!
Which part made Brad “most excited” during his date?
A. Jenni feeling in his pocket for something special.
B. Jenni asking Brad if that was a forgo card in his pocket or was he just happy to see her?
C. Jenni discovering the forgo card and tossing it across the room without reading its contents.
D. We don’t truly know because ABC had to edit it out for the children. No matter how many boob/crotch shots we saw this episode, this isn’t Cinemax people.
Which part was MOST SCRIPTED during the date?
A. Brad and Jenni lounging on the bed.
B. Seeing up Jenni’s skirt as she lounged on the bed.
C. Brad kicking the camera out of the room so he and Jenni can get it on.
Date Two
Bettina
Which object did Bettina most resemble last night?
A. Barbie
B. Toothpick
True or False
You actually give a crap that the sail boat was used in the American Cup Race.
Which best describes the amount of fabric used to create Bettina’s swimsuit?
A. One yard
B. One foot
C. Six inches
D. Dental floss
Which word was NOT used to describe Bettina in the course of the night?
A. Hot
B. Super hot
C. Beautiful
D. Plump
True or False?
It was lame that ABC used the same fantasy suites for each date, but tried to fake us out with the million blinding candles.
Bettina should NOT have done the following:
A. Work her father into the conversation
B. Telling Brad that moving to Austin would be difficult for her family
C. Leaning AWAY from the kiss in the steamy hot tub. (It’s official. She’s on crack.)
D. Told Brad she was falling in love.
Date Three
DeAHnna
Which interjection did Bettina NOT shout to Brad as they were racing dune buggies?
A. EAT MY DUST TURKEY!
B. YOU’RE LOOKING GOOD IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR.
C. IF YOU NEED ME TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE, LET ME KNOW.
D. I refuse to be a weenie like Jenni Couric. He’s going down.
True or False:
DeAHnna: “In a normal relationship, you do spend the night and wake up together in each other’s arms.”
What did DeAHnna claim to know about her relationship with Brad?
A. I knew the minute I met you…it was right.
B. I knew there were crazy feelings when we kissed.
C. I knew when you left my house, you had my heart.
D. I knew that if I played my coy cards right, I’d be in the bottom two.
Who did Brad say he had a perfect night with?
A. Pick DeAHnna because that is the section we are on.
B. Jenni Couric
C. Bettina
D. Our host Chris Harrison
Rose Ceremony
Poor Brad is about to throw up. And that’s what I like about him. He compares his feelings with the weather…both tumultuous. (Take that SAT word Bettina’s Dad!)
He knows that someone is going to walk away with a broken heart. We all know that person is Bettina. Little Bets had no idea. I have to admit, I was on baited breathe myself. All the girls breathing heavily, including me and the ABC psychotherapist. It was a good 25 seconds before he called Jenni and another 14 before he called DeAHnna.
Brad walks Bets out to the courtyard. She says she is shocked. Brad says that this decision haunted him all day. Bettina decides that he didn’t pick her because it just wasn’t right and if he feels for Jenni and DeAHnna the way she feels for him, then so be it. Brad admits to the camera that it was just too much work. And true love should be easy.
Little waifish Bettina is handling herself well. She’s not crying. Her eyes are a bit watery, but that is to be expected. She tells her limo driver that she is still shocked and didn’t see it coming at all. I was so proud of her for not falling apart completely and then it happens. Look out below! F-bomb incoming!
Bettina: “It must be wonderful. Wonderful for him and the other girls. F-ing off the charts unbelievable. I can’t imagine putting myself out there again. I just fell in love with myself.”
And as I’m reaching for the remote to rewind to see what the heck Bettina just said, she repeats that she just fell in love with herself.
Interesting. I hope your other self brought a sandwich because girl needs to get some meat on those bones!
Bonus Question:
Who was NOT invited to Women Tell All that airs next week?
A. Bettina
B. Crazy Hillary
C. You
D. Me
Life’s too sweet to be bitter people.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Don’t get me wrong…I love my future husband Brad Womack, but there was some definite snooze moments last night.
I guess the only thing to do is bring back a popular format from last season and check to see if ANYONE was paying attention to last night’s episode.
It’s test time!
Everyone have their number two pencils ready?
Date One
Jenni Couric
What was Jenni’s reaction when she found out they were going to swim with dolphins?
A. SHUT UP!
B. I’m scared!
C. I don’t want to look like a weenie!
D. All of the above.
What best describes Jenni’s bathing bottoms?
A. Cheetah print
B. Junior’s Department sale rack
C. Tiny kitten with a pink bow on its head
D. Non existent
What was your favorite underwater shot during the dolphin date?
A. Jenni and Brad’s flailing legs mercifully treading water
B. Jenni’s butt cheeks straddling the dolphin
C. Jenni’s crotch
D. Close-up of Jenni’s crotch
Quote from Brad: “I would love to spend the night with Jenni and get to know her in that way.” What do you think “that way” means to Brad?
A. That way her tongue feels down his throat
B. That way her snores sound like a buzz saw
C. That way her breath smells in the morning
D. Bow-chicka-bow-bow
True or False
Brad: “I will respect you in the morning.”
What was the “something special” that Brad had for Jenni in his pocket?
A. Forgo card fantasy suite invitation
B. A rose
C. Mr. Happy
D. A picture of Grandma Betty…OPAH!
Which part made Brad “most excited” during his date?
A. Jenni feeling in his pocket for something special.
B. Jenni asking Brad if that was a forgo card in his pocket or was he just happy to see her?
C. Jenni discovering the forgo card and tossing it across the room without reading its contents.
D. We don’t truly know because ABC had to edit it out for the children. No matter how many boob/crotch shots we saw this episode, this isn’t Cinemax people.
Which part was MOST SCRIPTED during the date?
A. Brad and Jenni lounging on the bed.
B. Seeing up Jenni’s skirt as she lounged on the bed.
C. Brad kicking the camera out of the room so he and Jenni can get it on.
Date Two
Bettina
Which object did Bettina most resemble last night?
A. Barbie
B. Toothpick
True or False
You actually give a crap that the sail boat was used in the American Cup Race.
Which best describes the amount of fabric used to create Bettina’s swimsuit?
A. One yard
B. One foot
C. Six inches
D. Dental floss
Which word was NOT used to describe Bettina in the course of the night?
A. Hot
B. Super hot
C. Beautiful
D. Plump
True or False?
It was lame that ABC used the same fantasy suites for each date, but tried to fake us out with the million blinding candles.
Bettina should NOT have done the following:
A. Work her father into the conversation
B. Telling Brad that moving to Austin would be difficult for her family
C. Leaning AWAY from the kiss in the steamy hot tub. (It’s official. She’s on crack.)
D. Told Brad she was falling in love.
Date Three
DeAHnna
Which interjection did Bettina NOT shout to Brad as they were racing dune buggies?
A. EAT MY DUST TURKEY!
B. YOU’RE LOOKING GOOD IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR.
C. IF YOU NEED ME TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE, LET ME KNOW.
D. I refuse to be a weenie like Jenni Couric. He’s going down.
True or False:
DeAHnna: “In a normal relationship, you do spend the night and wake up together in each other’s arms.”
What did DeAHnna claim to know about her relationship with Brad?
A. I knew the minute I met you…it was right.
B. I knew there were crazy feelings when we kissed.
C. I knew when you left my house, you had my heart.
D. I knew that if I played my coy cards right, I’d be in the bottom two.
Who did Brad say he had a perfect night with?
A. Pick DeAHnna because that is the section we are on.
B. Jenni Couric
C. Bettina
D. Our host Chris Harrison
Rose Ceremony
Poor Brad is about to throw up. And that’s what I like about him. He compares his feelings with the weather…both tumultuous. (Take that SAT word Bettina’s Dad!)
He knows that someone is going to walk away with a broken heart. We all know that person is Bettina. Little Bets had no idea. I have to admit, I was on baited breathe myself. All the girls breathing heavily, including me and the ABC psychotherapist. It was a good 25 seconds before he called Jenni and another 14 before he called DeAHnna.
Brad walks Bets out to the courtyard. She says she is shocked. Brad says that this decision haunted him all day. Bettina decides that he didn’t pick her because it just wasn’t right and if he feels for Jenni and DeAHnna the way she feels for him, then so be it. Brad admits to the camera that it was just too much work. And true love should be easy.
Little waifish Bettina is handling herself well. She’s not crying. Her eyes are a bit watery, but that is to be expected. She tells her limo driver that she is still shocked and didn’t see it coming at all. I was so proud of her for not falling apart completely and then it happens. Look out below! F-bomb incoming!
Bettina: “It must be wonderful. Wonderful for him and the other girls. F-ing off the charts unbelievable. I can’t imagine putting myself out there again. I just fell in love with myself.”
And as I’m reaching for the remote to rewind to see what the heck Bettina just said, she repeats that she just fell in love with herself.
Interesting. I hope your other self brought a sandwich because girl needs to get some meat on those bones!
Bonus Question:
Who was NOT invited to Women Tell All that airs next week?
A. Bettina
B. Crazy Hillary
C. You
D. Me
Life’s too sweet to be bitter people.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
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